Is it possible to become more social at middle age? (person, children)

[jobaba]

Well, I'm mid 30s. But that's kinda middle aged, depending on whom you ask.

I would like to expand my social network and make new friends. My social network has dwindled since some friends have gotten married and slowed down and I'm not happy with the amount of friends that I have, either close ones or acquaintances.

I would describe myself as a loner, but sociable, as in when I'm out, I'm approachable and talkative, but I don't go out a lot these days. I also have activities which keep me very busy alone. But, I'm the most loyal friend if you know me.

I have made several attempts to be more social over the course of my adulthood, but find that...
1) I feel I almost put in more effort than the other person to maintain or even keep a friendship. Most of the lost friendships that I've had, have been lost because I would try and keep in touch, and they would not. I know this is not the case for everybody, because some of my friends have kept in touch with many of their old friends. This gets frustrating, and I eventually give up.

2) I don't feel like I'm a very interesting person. I don't feel like anybody ever wants to get to know me, if you know what I mean. I'm just kind of a nice guy who is ... meh. It seems in adulthood, if you want to break another person's social circle, you need to be able to offer them something exciting.

3) I rarely call people on the phone. I only text, and don't even text that many people with that much regularity. This is the way I have always been, kinda. I would like to get on the phone more often, but it seems kinda awkward to start calling friends on the phone every week whom you almost have never talked to on the phone the many years you have known them. Anybody get what I mean here?

Is it too late for me to make some improvements in this area of my life?

[D. Scott]

Originally Posted by jobaba

Well, I'm mid 30s. But that's kinda middle aged, depending on whom you ask.

I would like to expand my social network and make new friends. My social network has dwindled since some friends have gotten married and slowed down and I'm not happy with the amount of friends that I have, either close ones or acquaintances.

I would describe myself as a loner, but sociable, as in when I'm out, I'm approachable and talkative, but I don't go out a lot these days. I also have activities which keep me very busy alone. But, I'm the most loyal friend if you know me.

I have made several attempts to be more social over the course of my adulthood, but find that...
1) I feel I almost put in more effort than the other person to maintain or even keep a friendship. Most of the lost friendships that I've had, have been lost because I would try and keep in touch, and they would not. I know this is not the case for everybody, because some of my friends have kept in touch with many of their old friends. This gets frustrating, and I eventually give up.

2) I don't feel like I'm a very interesting person. I don't feel like anybody ever wants to get to know me, if you know what I mean. I'm just kind of a nice guy who is ... meh. It seems in adulthood, if you want to break another person's social circle, you need to be able to offer them something exciting.

3) I rarely call people on the phone. I only text, and don't even text that many people with that much regularity. This is the way I have always been, kinda. I would like to get on the phone more often, but it seems kinda awkward to start calling friends on the phone every week whom you almost have never talked to on the phone the many years you have known them. Anybody get what I mean here?

Is it too late for me to make some improvements in this area of my life?

There is no reason in this age bracket that one cannot become social. Reason is i think is that most will have matured and experienced life more by this time. As far as not being interesting there is no reason you have to be Indiana Jones or an extreme athlete to bring something to the table. As you speak to people and socialize you will find others with at least some of your interests. You sound intelligent and I am sure you will do just fine here.

[exscapegoat]

It's a weird mix. I've become more confident and outgoing as I've dealt with some self-esteem problems I had, which probably stemmed from some family/childhood stuff. So while I feel more social, in my 40s, opportunities to socialize aren't as plentiful as they were in my 20s and 30s. There's a lot more socializing in college, grad school and entry level jobs than there is in one's 40s. Most of the friends are married and have children. I've stayed friends with nearly all of them, but they understandably don't have as much free time to socialize as they used to.

I have some younger friends. I've also become more friendly with some people I didn't know that well in high school via Facebook and off line socializing with them (dinner, lunch, etc.)

I've recently started to learn about photography. I've always liked taking photos, but I've been a point & click person up until very recently. I'm still learning about exposure. I'm thinking of taking a class. Then I might try some meet up photography groups. I suppose I could do that now, but it takes me awhile to get the concepts. I find the way I "get" it is to just take a bunch of photos of the same thing and play with ISO/aperture/shutter speed. But this can take awhile (I basically take photos at a park because landscape stands still pretty much without complaint I hope to work my way up to people ) So right now, I think I'd probably just slow down a more experienced group of photographers. But when I get the basics down, I think it could be a fun social outlet to meet other people interested in photography.

[Chava61]

One can definitely become more social as one ages especially if one was very shy when one was younger. Nowadays being in one's 30s is definitely not considered middle-aged in the USA.