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Old 10-22-2012, 05:28 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,287,875 times
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How do you handle past regrets?

I married someone years ago that I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway because I didn't know what else to do. Actually I was too afraid to say how I really felt.

I wasn't a kid, I was 30.

That's just one of things I regret and wish I could change. There are many.

People will say that you learn from mistakes but it seems like I just keep making these mistakes.

I have accepted jobs that I knew I didn't want. And failed miserably at them. I had jobs that started out good but then changed. I should have left but felts "trapped" and stayed until I was finally laid off with everyone else.

I do think of people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had a marriage and family, but never let anyone get close. Plus, he cheated on Maria. Now at 65 he is getting a divorce. If he didn't make those mistakes with those women, and if he had let Maria get close to him, he could still be married and enjoying his family.

Of course, I'm not Arnold or anything, but it just makes me see that anyone can make a big mistake.

My question to you, if how to handle these life mistakes? Losing someone you really love, giving up a child, giving up on a career, friends, family, whatever.

I mean, how do you go on and be ok with life and what's happened in yours?
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Old 10-22-2012, 05:32 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,221,218 times
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I don't regret any decision that I have made, I may not have liked many of them but I do not regret them. Without those past experiences I am not the person I am today and I do not know what I can and cannot handle when it comes to real life.
Silly waste of time to regret something that cannot be changed and to see it as something you wish you could change because without that particular decision you would not have experienced whatever it was you experience and become better for the experience no matter what it is/was.
Nothing to "go on and be okay with" because there is nothing to regret.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:04 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,287,875 times
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I hear what you're saying CSD610. I do. Thats the learning part of life, which I get.

But what about if you keep making those same mistakes? Picking the wrong partner or friends or job? And you don't know how to change or stop?

Of what if you were mean or uncaring, said hurtful things to people, or didn't consider other's feelings? How can you make sense of something that you said when you were young (or old) and know it was mean and hurtful?
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:45 PM
 
2,681 posts, read 6,264,574 times
Reputation: 4143
Default well...

Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
How do you handle past regrets?

I married someone years ago that I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway because I didn't know what else to do. Actually I was too afraid to say how I really felt.

I wasn't a kid, I was 30.

That's just one of things I regret and wish I could change. There are many.

People will say that you learn from mistakes but it seems like I just keep making these mistakes.

I have accepted jobs that I knew I didn't want. And failed miserably at them. I had jobs that started out good but then changed. I should have left but felts "trapped" and stayed until I was finally laid off with everyone else.

I do think of people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had a marriage and family, but never let anyone get close. Plus, he cheated on Maria. Now at 65 he is getting a divorce. If he didn't make those mistakes with those women, and if he had let Maria get close to him, he could still be married and enjoying his family.

Of course, I'm not Arnold or anything, but it just makes me see that anyone can make a big mistake.

My question to you, if how to handle these life mistakes? Losing someone you really love, giving up a child, giving up on a career, friends, family, whatever.

I mean, how do you go on and be ok with life and what's happened in yours?
I'm about to find out...I'm moving back to an area overflowing w/past regrets, family,lovers and big gigantic errors...yikes.
Koale
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,433 posts, read 29,484,893 times
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Well I can't quite call things regret because I am happy with where I am right now in life.

Breaking up with my high school boyfriend. He was the best. Even when my father died, he treated me better than the man who would soon be my husband did. But then I have to think about the fact that if I had not broken up with him, I would not have the children I have today. He was the one my father wanted me to marry and he was a good man. Oh no. I had to have the bad boy my father hated.

Marrying my ex-husband. I stood there at the altar shaking and asking myself what I was doing, knowing I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I decided I had made my bed and it was time to lie in it and it really didn't need to be that way. I had our son and unbeknownst to either of us, was pregnant with our daughter. I was engaged to him for 4 years and was afraid to turn away and got in deeper and deeper but from it all did come my 2 children.

Getting into a relationship with someone who was too good to be true. And he was. He was worse than the husband I had left. When I had finally gotten the courage to leave him I did well...then I was drawn back in. Now that was just stupid on my part, but it happened, and it is what it is.

All in all I do not regret these things, even though they made for a tough life for me for many years. All these things lined me up to be exactly where I needed to be, when I needed to be there to enjoy the happiness in love and life that I am currently living.

I look at my life back and allow myself to look back and see what a difference it is. With the ability to do that, I can see how important the people are in my life right now, and how much I appreciate them.
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:51 PM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,478 posts, read 14,948,189 times
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Attachment 102742

Last edited by PippySkiddles; 12-24-2014 at 10:05 PM..
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:14 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,593 posts, read 17,171,469 times
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I used to have regrets but now I have gratitude b/c I've realized that all the bumps in the road led to something so much better than what I had before. I teach at a high school with kids with such major challenges in life and I feel so ashamed sometimes that I gave up so easily and dropped out of HS. I didn't regret it before b/c I did manage to go to college and get a degree but the real blessing is that I know exactly what these kids are going thru and I have such respect for those who hang in there anyway and I can help them at a deeper level than teachers who loved school and fit in with the program all along the way.
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Old 10-22-2012, 09:27 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,853,196 times
Reputation: 8956
I think to not have regrets is to live a life unexamined. If you are a thinking person with a heart, you are going to regret some uninformed, unfortunate things you did or said.

I have many regrets and I have learned from them.
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,369 posts, read 18,012,722 times
Reputation: 18406
Ask yourself how these regrets are serving your life now, in the present. Chances are they are not serving a very useful purpose, except to learn from them and not repeat past mistakes.
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:53 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,853,196 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Ask yourself how these regrets are serving your life now, in the present. Chances are they are not serving a very useful purpose, except to learn from them and not repeat past mistakes.
They serve in many ways - by increasing awareness, developing compassion, becoming more loving and less ego-driven, creating humility, increasing wisdom - deepening . . .opening the heart, etc.


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