U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-23-2012, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,186 posts, read 14,970,102 times
Reputation: 18249

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
The only reason I could see a man lying about having a kid is if he was interested in a woman who's said she doesn't want any.
Good answer! Obviously, he wants to keep this under wraps for some reason. Denying being a father when one is despite the circumstances "flaky".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-23-2012, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,941 posts, read 17,243,367 times
Reputation: 40988
Quote:
Originally Posted by SXMGirl View Post
Your co-worker's child may have died and he doesn't feel that this is something that he wants to talk about with an acquaintance. Many people have very personal reasons for not divulging personal information. I would leave it alone.
One of our friends had a child that died in a car accident. The Mom said that she really hated that everyone who she met would ask how many kids she had. She didn't want to say "three but one died" and "two" wasn't really correct.

Probably there is a reason why he lies, if he is lying.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2012, 08:56 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,542,047 times
Reputation: 8779
You had better believe I do.

A childhood friend who went from Catholic, and reasonably low-maintenance, to fundamentalist, and high-maintenance. When he was working the fundie church singles groups in a particular metro area, he would either hold, or participate in, Bible study meetings as if he was a never-married single. The reality is that he had a failed marriage during his community college days (!) and a child from that short-lived marriage.

He even withheld this information for the longest time from his next wife. However, she was looking at this as a "bird in the hand" chance to get married (no comment) and was REALLY upset when she found out, but married him anyway. Amazingly, he had the nerve to try to mend the situation with his first child, with whom he made no effort to stay in touch, through Facebook. That didn't go over too well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2012, 10:18 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,526,045 times
Reputation: 22276
I know of a guy who might lie -- but I don't know him well enough to know if he does.

The guy was and is still married, but he had a girlfriend who got pregnant and had the child and took him to court for child support. His wife accepted the situation and maybe forgave him but did stay with him. The wife could never have children.

He is not a part of the child's life other than the child support.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2012, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Washington, DC & New York
10,830 posts, read 26,363,474 times
Reputation: 6895
Whatever the circumstances of his relationship with his son, that's his business, and if he classifies it as having no children, that could very well be indicative of their relationship, and not a lie by his perception.

Someone with whom I was at school has a mother who edits the number of children that she has, yet the father does not. The reason for this is one son married someone of whom she did not approve, so she wrote him out of her life and will, having severed relations with him, his wife, and now their children. The husband in this couple, however, tells the correct number of children, counting both sons and their daughters, and secretly sneaks off to see the disowned son when he travels on business, and attempts to have as decent a relationship as he can, despite the situation with his wife. It's a very strange situation, to say the least, and unfortunately, it does not appear that reconciliation is forthcoming. If someone asks the wife why the husband says two sons, she replies "HE has two sons. I have one."

Another family I know lost one of their daughters as an adult, and it's so painful to this day for their parents that they edit the number of children to those who do not know them because the mother does not wish to speak about the loss of her daughter to people she does not know. Their youngest is my friend, and his sister was significantly older, and in graduate school, when she was killed in a tragic accident. I swear his mother died that day as well, though her body continues to live on; and while she can function, she has never/and likely will never be able to recover from such a profound loss. Before, she was the picture of joy, but now there's a melancholy that those who know her well can sense, despite appearances to the contrary. Technically, yes, it would be correct to say that she had four children, but it's just much less emotionally painful for her to say she has three children to those who do not know her well enough to know the circumstances, not three surviving children.

So, there are reasons as to why people may characterize the number of children that they have as being different than the numerical value of those that they have brought into the world. I don't know that I would call every situation a lie, however, since some elements of a particular family's dynamic and composition are private.
__________________
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare
(As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)

City-Data Terms of Service
City-Data FAQs
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2012, 02:28 PM
 
12,890 posts, read 15,380,475 times
Reputation: 14833
Oh, I believe he flat out lied, and he knew what he was doing...she just happened to catch him in it, when she met his boy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2012, 02:29 PM
 
12,890 posts, read 15,380,475 times
Reputation: 14833
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
One of our friends had a child that died in a car accident. The Mom said that she really hated that everyone who she met would ask how many kids she had. She didn't want to say "three but one died" and "two" wasn't really correct.

Probably there is a reason why he lies, if he is lying.
No, that couldn't be it, the OP has seen his kid....he's just a liar, plain and simple.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2012, 03:03 PM
 
Location: South Jersey
819 posts, read 2,831,004 times
Reputation: 1444
My former best friend does this. We went to high school together and were even pregnant with our first children at the same time. I only had 1, she went on to have 4 more. So she has a total of 5 children. She only claims the last 3. Reason behind this is because her first & second children are biracial. Her next 3 are all the same race. Her first 2 stay with her mother, and she hasn't seen them in over 10 years. Her oldest is going to be 18 this month. We stopped talking for years, then met up again after she had the last 3. No mention of her first 2 were ever made. Finally I asked her about this and she says that nobody knows about them and went asked, she says she only has 3. This is disgusting to me, I could never not claim my child. We stopped talking again once I found this out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2012, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,941 posts, read 17,243,367 times
Reputation: 40988
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdotAllen View Post
My former best friend does this. We went to high school together and were even pregnant with our first children at the same time. I only had 1, she went on to have 4 more. So she has a total of 5 children. She only claims the last 3. Reason behind this is because her first & second children are biracial. Her next 3 are all the same race. Her first 2 stay with her mother, and she hasn't seen them in over 10 years. Her oldest is going to be 18 this month. We stopped talking for years, then met up again after she had the last 3. No mention of her first 2 were ever made. Finally I asked her about this and she says that nobody knows about them and when asked, she says she only has 3. This is disgusting to me, I could never not claim my child. We stopped talking again once I found this out.
That is a horrible story. If her attitude is THAT BAD maybe her first two children are better off without her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2012, 09:13 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 24,455,098 times
Reputation: 7301
Should you claim a stepchild if the parent is no longer around? (death, or divorce)

We have 5 grandchildren. And 5 step grands. And then, there is the one that was a stepchild and his mother died. Is he still a step child? Now he's married and has a child of his own....should we claim her? And the new baby has an older half sister. ?????

You have to draw the line somewhere. But frankly, I think it's what I want to do, not what someone else thinks I should.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:24 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top