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Old 10-29-2012, 10:10 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,920,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I think you're right Trimac20 that it could be a sign of familiarity when you don't thank family members, and that's really unfortunate, because even though it's understood, it's still nice to hear sometimes, if not just for pleasure then affirmation.....and you're right again when you say that it's people who "expect to be thanked" that don't take kindly to not being thanked...personally I don't expect it, and sometimes will do things anonymously just to avoid it.
Yes some people get so indignant if you don't acknowledge their noble deed. I also think Western society is pretty big on manners and saying your P's and Q's, I wonder if Anglo-Australian moreso than American? For instance saying 'sorry' and 'please' isn't really a big thing in Asia, with some exceptions.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,920,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Totally disagree. Please and Thank You are even more important with those close to you than with perfect strangers. For saying those words is an act of gratitude, an acknowledgement that those people exist. I have been married to MrsCPG for 21 years and we still say Please and Thank You to one another. And we'll say those things to one another until the day one of us dies.
I think it might depend on your family/circle of friends. In my family manners weren't a HUGE deal, although we were definitely taught the basics. We weren't chastised if we didn't say please, thankyou, sorry every time, like it wasn't a high priority. Things like respect and obedience, however...lol.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,060,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post

All in all, yes, I have found that I appreciate expressions of gratitude.

During summer our niece asked my husband to take her senior pictures. He's never been a professional photographer but he used to be pretty good, and was always asked to do family functions. So he did it this time, too, and some of the pictures were gorgeous. But she didn't like them, to our surprise. The pics were completely free to her, and she never thanked him for the time or anything. This bothers me a lot more than it does him (though he did say that he probably won't do them anymore).
That is horrible. Not only should your niece have thanked him but if she didn't like the photographs she should have kept that to herself. I'm sure that she could have found at least one photo that she could have said " I just love the way that you...used the lighting, chose the background, made my hair look shiny or something" or "This one turned out great".

Even if she (quietly) went to another photographer for more photographs a good niece would have thanked him and praised some of the photographs.

I'm sorry that happened. She sounds a little self-centered and ignorant of good manners.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,700 posts, read 34,246,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I think it might depend on your family/circle of friends. In my family manners weren't a HUGE deal, although we were definitely taught the basics. We weren't chastised if we didn't say please, thankyou, sorry every time, like it wasn't a high priority. Things like respect and obedience, however...lol.
You could argue that saying "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry," are very much part of showing respect to others.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,505,998 times
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I can't imagine not thanking someone who does something nice for me. Please and Thank you were ingrained deep when I was growing up.

I can't say that I would really notice every single time I did something nice for someone if I didn't get thanked. It it's an automatic reaction (opening doors, letting someone pass or cut in line) I don't expect it, but if I go out of my way to do something then yes, to be perfectly honest, I expect a Thank you. Mainly because I wouldn't dream of no doing it myself.

When all the nieces and nephews were growing up (18 of them) DH and I would scrape together enough to send them $5-$10 for each birthday. And our siblings did the same. It took a few years to figure it out but only our son and two nieces ever sent or called in thank yous. So when they got old enough to understand, DH said no more!
When the parents(and some of the kids) called to see what happened, DH casually mentioned that he assumed we had the wrong address because no one ever let him know that the card was received.
The parents of the two nieces got wind of what we were doing, they stopped also.
It was more to teach the importance of thanking those that do nice things than anything.

I don't really agree with how DH did it but it was effective.
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,060,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
I can't imagine not thanking someone who does something nice for me. Please and Thank you were ingrained deep when I was growing up.

I can't say that I would really notice every single time I did something nice for someone if I didn't get thanked. It it's an automatic reaction (opening doors, letting someone pass or cut in line) I don't expect it, but if I go out of my way to do something then yes, to be perfectly honest, I expect a Thank you. Mainly because I wouldn't dream of no doing it myself.

When all the nieces and nephews were growing up (18 of them) DH and I would scrape together enough to send them $5-$10 for each birthday. And our siblings did the same. It took a few years to figure it out but only our son and two nieces ever sent or called in thank yous. So when they got old enough to understand, DH said no more!
When the parents(and some of the kids) called to see what happened, DH casually mentioned that he assumed we had the wrong address because no one ever let him know that the card was received.
The parents of the two nieces got wind of what we were doing, they stopped also.
It was more to teach the importance of thanking those that do nice things than anything.

I don't really agree with how DH did it but it was effective.
That was a great idea.
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Old 10-30-2012, 02:43 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,920,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
You could argue that saying "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry," are very much part of showing respect to others.
They are, of course, but I guess that part of it was never emphasized. Sometimes they're just second nature though or because it's expected.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:27 AM
 
Location: Free From The Oppressive State
30,226 posts, read 23,649,798 times
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When I was younger, our grandparents used to send us $100 on our birthday and $50 on Christmas to each kid.

Our parents instructed us to write a "thank you" letter to them. (After the first time, it was just done and they would simply ask if we had done it.) But, not only did we just have to say, "thank you", we had to write out why we appreciated it and/or what we would do with it. This required us to put thought in to what we wrote which, in hindsight, made the thank you that much more meaningful.

Sometimes, like in a job, if someone asks me how to do something or whatever, I tell them and they don't thank me, meh, no big deal. Obviously they have the project on their mind or are going over in their mind what was just discussed...I don't even care.

The only time I ever cared was when I lived in Miami. It wasn't that if a door was held for someone and there was no "thanks" given that annoyed me, is what the arrogant attitude that OF COURSE one should hold open the door for them. That I don't care for.

If I do something big for someone, I'm actually a little embarrassed when they thank me. I just want them to enjoy.
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Old 10-30-2012, 08:44 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
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I don't expect to be thanked, but I appreciate being appreciated. I am more willing to do things for people who are appreciative but I don't just stop my habits for people who don't say thank you. For example, I hold doors for people regardless of whether they say thank you, and despite the fact most people let doors slam on my face (it's not very emphasized where I live but for me it's not just a respect thing but also a safety issue, which is why I insist on it).

If it's a bigger favor then I will notice if someone doesn't thank me. For example, once my friend's check didn't come in and she was literally stuck with no money or food. I cooked food for her and gave her some money to last her till she got her check. She did thank me, but that is an example of something where I would notice if I weren't thanked. It goes both ways, though. She would do the same for me if I were in her situation and I would thank her because I would feel appreciative. If I had forgotten, I'd expect her to notice I didn't thank her, too.

Luckily, though, all of that is hypothetical. I'm surrounded with people who naturally feel appreciative so it's not like they have to "remember" to thank me--they just do naturally.

I'm obsessed with thanking people and sometimes catch myself thanking someone two or three times even for a smalls favors like getting a door or pointing me to an empty table. Then I get worried if it just sounds annoying at that point for me to be like "Oh, thank you! Thanks so much--thank you!" They're probably thinking "Okay, I get it!" -- lol!
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Old 10-30-2012, 08:53 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
They are, of course, but I guess that part of it was never emphasized. Sometimes they're just second nature though or because it's expected.
For me, "please" and "thank you" are a combination of genuine respect and ritual. You can tell in someone's tone of voice if they mean it, but sometimes they also function as verbal tags. For example in customer service I find myself saying "yes please" or "no thank you" as a way to make a "yes" or "no" sound less curt. And while I wouldn't exactly say that I don't mean the "please" or "thank you" in those instances, they are sort of serving another function as well. It's a bit like "How are you?" Obviously when your close friend asks you after a surgery, they mean it differently from when a cashier asks you while bagging your groceries. The fact the cashier doesn't really care how you are doesn't take away from the fact that your friend does. Same goes for "please" and "thank you" IMO. Some people just use them as empty words but that doesn't take away from when people do use them genuinely.
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