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Old 10-30-2012, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,432 posts, read 52,425,333 times
Reputation: 70405

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I say thank you.
I say it to someone holding my door.
I say it to my wife when she brings me dinner or does the laundry.
I tell every single person who comes to work on my house, "Thank you so much for your time," including the nanny that comes all the time.
I let everyone know that I appreciate their effort and thoughtfulness.

Why? Because I know how it feels to be taken for granted. And I'm not doing that to other people.
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Old 10-30-2012, 11:11 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,719,084 times
Reputation: 7394
No.
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX
254 posts, read 340,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I always say "you're welcome" if there is no sign of gratitude, simply because it's good manners to say "thank you" for someone who has done something for you. ... Then maybe they'll remember to thank the next person who does something for them.
Me too!

Especially if it's holding a door for an adult stranger.

I do expect people to be civil, have good manners, etc. So I guess in a way I'm doing it expecting to be thanked. But really, someone takes a second to hold a door...just one "thanks" is easy enough to show your gratitude.
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Old 10-30-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,599 posts, read 4,907,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
I can't imagine not thanking someone who does something nice for me. Please and Thank you were ingrained deep when I was growing up.

I can't say that I would really notice every single time I did something nice for someone if I didn't get thanked. It it's an automatic reaction (opening doors, letting someone pass or cut in line) I don't expect it, but if I go out of my way to do something then yes, to be perfectly honest, I expect a Thank you. Mainly because I wouldn't dream of no doing it myself.

When all the nieces and nephews were growing up (18 of them) DH and I would scrape together enough to send them $5-$10 for each birthday. And our siblings did the same. It took a few years to figure it out but only our son and two nieces ever sent or called in thank yous. So when they got old enough to understand, DH said no more!
When the parents(and some of the kids) called to see what happened, DH casually mentioned that he assumed we had the wrong address because no one ever let him know that the card was received.
The parents of the two nieces got wind of what we were doing, they stopped also.
It was more to teach the importance of thanking those that do nice things than anything.

I don't really agree with how DH did it but it was effective.
I couldn't agree with you more. Saying thank you is just good manners. It's amazing how many people think it is optional.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,501,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
My brother and his family live in Florida, and every year I send them birthday cards, Christmas gifts, etc., for which I am never thanked. They're family, so I'm not expecting profuse gratitude, but I do think it's rude to not acknowledge a gift or a good deed. It doesn't take long to shoot off at least a "got your package! Thanks!" text or email.
I have the same issue and it's never ceased to annoy me for decades. My siblings both have children. I have always provided birthday and Christmas gifts. The vast majority of the time we have not spent these occasions in the same city, so the gifts were mailed. When the kids were little I knocked myself out with really fun gifts and I usually got a phone call from one of my siblings and they'd put the kids on the phone to thank me. As the kids got older, that stopped. There was such silence, I began to worry that the gifts somehow failed to arrive. So I fell into the habit of asking my sibling in the next call, "I sent X a cashmere sweater for her birthday. Did she get it?" The answer was always yes. Often it was then followed by appreciation from my sibling that I am generous, the gifts are well-liked, etc. But there never seemed to be a lick of effort to get the young person to take on the job of thanking. I do notice, however, that when I visit their homes I often see things I have given them.

Like you, I don't even expect a formal thank-you note. But I would like a mention on the phone the next time we talk or even a one-line E-mail or text. But I never get it. I have taken to putting a delivery confirmation on the packages so I can stop worrying about it because the kids no longer live with their parents, so how would they even know if I sent a gift. Sometimes I wonder if the no-thanking is a way of saying, "I'd rather have cash," but I probably wouldn't be thanked for that either.

When I go on Social Security, I'm seriously thinking of using that as an excuse that I can no longer afford gifts and just telling them, "That's it, kids."

As for please and thank you from the general public, I always do it myself, but I don't really care if people respond or not. I was in retail sales long enough to know that a vast number of Americans are rude. I just enjoy it when I am thanked.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,045 posts, read 14,276,745 times
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I don't do things for others for a "thank you", specifically. But I expect a general level of respect and consideration from everyone. It says a lot about them if they aren't mannerly or appreciative. Sometimes, they are preoccupied and that's OK. Others are just socially unacceptable. It is a gauge, for me, as to how much farther the interaction would go.

I'm big on "please" and "thank you", personally.

Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 10-30-2012 at 04:50 PM..
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Old 10-30-2012, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Florida and New England
1,224 posts, read 1,408,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
I have the same issue and it's never ceased to annoy me for decades. My siblings both have children. I have always provided birthday and Christmas gifts. The vast majority of the time we have not spent these occasions in the same city, so the gifts were mailed. When the kids were little I knocked myself out with really fun gifts and I usually got a phone call from one of my siblings and they'd put the kids on the phone to thank me. As the kids got older, that stopped. There was such silence, I began to worry that the gifts somehow failed to arrive. So I fell into the habit of asking my sibling in the next call, "I sent X a cashmere sweater for her birthday. Did she get it?" The answer was always yes. Often it was then followed by appreciation from my sibling that I am generous, the gifts are well-liked, etc. But there never seemed to be a lick of effort to get the young person to take on the job of thanking. I do notice, however, that when I visit their homes I often see things I have given them.

Like you, I don't even expect a formal thank-you note. But I would like a mention on the phone the next time we talk or even a one-line E-mail or text. But I never get it. I have taken to putting a delivery confirmation on the packages so I can stop worrying about it because the kids no longer live with their parents, so how would they even know if I sent a gift. Sometimes I wonder if the no-thanking is a way of saying, "I'd rather have cash," but I probably wouldn't be thanked for that either.
If I were to receive no thank-you note or no acknowledgment of a gift (or dinner party or weekend accommodation), I would probably forgive the first oversight. If it recurred, that would be the last gift or invitation to that recipient, family or not. I would still provide charity, but no further gifts of a free spirit would be forthcoming.

Thank-you notes are generated by me once per week to everyone in the past week who (1) provided a bed or (2) provided a meal or (3) gave a gift. Every person, every time gets a handwritten thank-you note. I probably write 100 per year.

I understand that the younger generation may prefer e-mail or even text, but that does not lessen the obligation. Every gift, every time requires a written thank-you.
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Old 10-30-2012, 07:33 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,189,044 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
For me, "please" and "thank you" are a combination of genuine respect and ritual. You can tell in someone's tone of voice if they mean it, but sometimes they also function as verbal tags. For example in customer service I find myself saying "yes please" or "no thank you" as a way to make a "yes" or "no" sound less curt. And while I wouldn't exactly say that I don't mean the "please" or "thank you" in those instances, they are sort of serving another function as well. It's a bit like "How are you?" Obviously when your close friend asks you after a surgery, they mean it differently from when a cashier asks you while bagging your groceries. The fact the cashier doesn't really care how you are doesn't take away from the fact that your friend does. Same goes for "please" and "thank you" IMO. Some people just use them as empty words but that doesn't take away from when people do use them genuinely.
I still remember at the school canteen (your cafeteria) how I was trained to say 'please' when ordering food. Id say 'can I have a xxx?' and the canteen lady would ask me to say ' can I PLEASE have a cheesie or whatever.'
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Old 10-31-2012, 07:49 AM
 
566 posts, read 876,064 times
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Today? Don't expect anything lol.

Not even FAMILY sends a THANK YOU for a wedding gift!! Not exactly distant relatives either...you actually got the dreaded invite - had to go - gave an envelope with money and had to eat BAD HALL FOOD and listen to really nasty music. Not even a thank you for coming to the thing! No card. No note.

I feel it would have been appropriate but I have a nephew I gave a decent check to for HIS wedding and didn't get a thankyou. Or a thank you for their wedding shower gift. Or their first kid's baptism gift. He knows how to say thanks - he didn't. So I wasn't so quick to go to the next kid's thing. Sorry. Can't be bothered.

And the first cousins daughter. She never sent a thank you for HER gift either. Strange. (I recall a daughterinlaw too, that wasn't very forthcoming with the thank yous. EVER! She couldn't be bothered with such--but she sure grabbed the $$ quick enough )

For me? I say/write thank you. It's not that difficult. For whatever kindness - even someone that lets me go ahead of them in line at the grocery store when I have 3 items to their many. I smile. I say thank you. I gush for it barely happens.
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Old 10-31-2012, 07:51 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,013,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway View Post
I do a lot of things and give a lot but never expect to be thanked. I notice some people get agitated when they don't get thanked for their good deeds like holding doors open, when giving a gift, helping in any way, etc. I always try my best to remember to say thank you. Sometimes people point out that someone didn't tell me thank you for something I did or gave. It doesn't phase me because I'm not doing things to be thanked. I'm doing things because they need to get done or they are just the right things to do. I actually feel a little surprised when I get thanked for whatever. What about you? Do you expect to be thanked for your "good deeds"?

We don't expect anything in return for what we do we just do what it is we do and that is how it goes. No big deal on our part when there is no acknowledgement either way.
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