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Old 10-27-2012, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 571,210 times
Reputation: 345

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My roommate asks me an insane load of questions about my life, my job hunting, my dates, everything. I think she's just trying to make conversation, but it's quite invasive so I've been trying to limit the amount of info that I divulge.

So she knows I applied for a job a couple weeks ago. It was kind of a crappy job, so it's not like I'm waiting by the phone for a call back. She has asked me 5 or 6 times in a depressing voice, "So they didn't call you back?" And I just say cheerfully, 'nope!' because I don't want to dwell on things that don't work. Then she says in her depressing voice, "Oh too bad. That's so frustrating." And I say cheerfully 'nah, it's okay!' Three days later she'll ask me again.

I had a few dates with a guy and he mentioned he's terribly allergic to dogs, and I have a dog. I went on a walk with the guy, and she asked me why I didn't bring my dog, so I told her he's allergic. She said in her depressing voice, "Oh that's too bad. That kind of ruins your outlook with him, doesn't it?" Jeez.

So anyway, what do you make of people like this, and how do you deflect their negativity? I'm moving out, so I'm not too worried about her in particular, but I'm interested in how to be diplomatic with people who seem to want to plant negativity in the lives of others.
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Old 10-27-2012, 10:54 AM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,629 posts, read 2,366,319 times
Reputation: 2411
Emotional VAMPIRE! I find it's best to get people like that out of your life asap. I've tried to get them to respect boundaries and stop pushing their negative fantasies/catastrophizing on me but they always find a way to create insecurities where there were none. For whatever reason they like looking on the dark side. My mom is like that, I have an ex and an ex-friend like that. They like painting you and maybe themselves as the poor poor victim of life.
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 571,210 times
Reputation: 345
Yes! She does seem like a vampire, or rather a zombie wanting to feed off me.

It's tough. I tried to distance myself, but then she wants to know if I'm mad at her and she watches me like a hungry dog, waiting for some eye contact, some conversation, some acknowledgement every time I pass her in the house.
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:21 AM
 
449 posts, read 730,712 times
Reputation: 456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley View Post
My roommate asks me an insane load of questions about my life, my job hunting, my dates, everything. I think she's just trying to make conversation, but it's quite invasive so I've been trying to limit the amount of info that I divulge.

So she knows I applied for a job a couple weeks ago. It was kind of a crappy job, so it's not like I'm waiting by the phone for a call back. She has asked me 5 or 6 times in a depressing voice, "So they didn't call you back?" And I just say cheerfully, 'nope!' because I don't want to dwell on things that don't work. Then she says in her depressing voice, "Oh too bad. That's so frustrating." And I say cheerfully 'nah, it's okay!' Three days later she'll ask me again.

I had a few dates with a guy and he mentioned he's terribly allergic to dogs, and I have a dog. I went on a walk with the guy, and she asked me why I didn't bring my dog, so I told her he's allergic. She said in her depressing voice, "Oh that's too bad. That kind of ruins your outlook with him, doesn't it?" Jeez.

So anyway, what do you make of people like this, and how do you deflect their negativity? I'm moving out, so I'm not too worried about her in particular, but I'm interested in how to be diplomatic with people who seem to want to plant negativity in the lives of others.
Me too. You just have to shift the conversation on to better things. Also, don't respond to their negative bids for conversation. What is her life like? Does she have it all "together"?
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,608 posts, read 13,135,231 times
Reputation: 16152
She is not your mother and even if she was the snarky comments are out of line. Sit her down nicely and tell her you are not comfortable with it and it is not necessary to have to share ever detail as it does not pertain to the situation. She is a drama loving person so don't let her shake you up. If this can't stop from her, move. Home is supposed to be a sanctuary in life. Maybe karma will come around and her next roommate builds a meth lab in the room and then she will see how good she had it!!
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 571,210 times
Reputation: 345
Thanks for your replies! I sense that she's bitter about her life. She's tried a few things and failed, and she's struggling to get by with a new career now. Sometimes I chat with her and she says such dark things like, "More people should have abortions." She wants to drag our conversations out as long as possible, and it's very draining. She's offended when I don't make daily conversation with her and complains that I'm only living with a roommate to pay less rent. Well, yeah!

One way she differs from the typical emotional vampire is that she doesn't talk all about herself. She talks all about me. She has such a need to know everything that's going on in my life. She's only been my roommate for 2 months, so it's not like we're old friends who are used to sharing all our stories with each other.
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 571,210 times
Reputation: 345
I am moving soon. I guess I'm just trying to process what's going on with her so I'll know what to do next time I encounter an emotional vampire. And thanks for reminding me of that term! That really hits the nail on the head.
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,992 posts, read 4,759,162 times
Reputation: 2241
Ugh. I knew a girl like that in grad school. Fortunately, I didn't live with her! Very sanctimonious and holier-than-thou. When my roommate and I would drag into an 8:00 class slightly hung over (not that often, but we were 23 years old!), she would shake her head and say stuff like, "Wow, you went out again last night? I just couldn't do that and still make it to class!" That would be OK once or twice, but the whole looking down her nose at us thing was annoying. I made it through a Ph.D. program with a 4.0, so clearly I could handle it just fine. You've just gotta ignore her and let it roll off your back. The sooner you're out of there, the better.
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Old 10-27-2012, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 571,210 times
Reputation: 345
Wow, congrats on your awesome grades! I wish I had your focus.

That does sound like my roommate. She thinks sugar, coffee, and grains are poison. If I ever make something like brownies, she come into the kitchen with this weird look on her face, like shock and amusement, as if I've done something I should be ashamed of. "You're making brownies?!" "Yep."

Phew, it feels good to talk about this. Well, type about it.
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Old 10-27-2012, 01:08 PM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,707,147 times
Reputation: 46025
Probably the only solution is to kill her and bury her in the back yard. Or, as an alternative, stop being so sensitive.
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