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Old 10-27-2012, 11:23 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,600,845 times
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I don't know THAT many crazy people. Just a few people who have done a LOT of things which are either nutty or annoying to me. So this is about one of that same batch of people whose (extended) family I've complained about.

I have a friend I met when he was still single. After about 6 years, he got married. I thought everything was hunky-dory, but within the last few years, he tells me:

- that his wife is physically abusive to their daughter (1 to 2 years old) to get her to be quiet, but that they are in therapy (funny, because he was never in therapy before getting married). So, why did his wife do this? In therapy, it was learned that it was done to his wife when she was a child. I didn't like his little girl, who screamed uncontrollably when she had to go to the bathroom or had to go to sleep, shouting "I want Daddy to take me" repeatedly. Now, after hearing what his wife did to her, I can see why this child screams. I think this child will be scarred because of this.

- that his wife and her sister sit there in his house and try on different clothes or swimwear, with the door flung open for anyone to walk by, with no problem whatsoever about having their jugs bouncing around and visible.

My friend comes from a family that is kind of repressed. On the other hand, his wife comes from a family that is full of boundary problems that are all over the map, and present in all of her siblings.

Question: Why is my friend telling me this crazy stuff? Not only that, he speaks about it in a nonchalant way, like he's desensitized to it. Any ideas?

Last edited by robertpolyglot; 10-27-2012 at 11:40 PM..
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Old 10-28-2012, 01:36 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,738,933 times
Reputation: 2499
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I don't know THAT many crazy people. Just a few people who have done a LOT of things which are either nutty or annoying to me. So this is about one of that same batch of people whose (extended) family I've complained about.

I have a friend I met when he was still single. After about 6 years, he got married. I thought everything was hunky-dory, but within the last few years, he tells me:

- that his wife is physically abusive to their daughter (1 to 2 years old) to get her to be quiet, but that they are in therapy (funny, because he was never in therapy before getting married). So, why did his wife do this? In therapy, it was learned that it was done to his wife when she was a child. I didn't like his little girl, who screamed uncontrollably when she had to go to the bathroom or had to go to sleep, shouting "I want Daddy to take me" repeatedly. Now, after hearing what his wife did to her, I can see why this child screams. I think this child will be scarred because of this.

- that his wife and her sister sit there in his house and try on different clothes or swimwear, with the door flung open for anyone to walk by, with no problem whatsoever about having their jugs bouncing around and visible.

My friend comes from a family that is kind of repressed. On the other hand, his wife comes from a family that is full of boundary problems that are all over the map, and present in all of her siblings.

Question: Why is my friend telling me this crazy stuff? Not only that, he speaks about it in a nonchalant way, like he's desensitized to it. Any ideas?
Directed towards the OP..
He obviously considers you a good friend or one of the only friends he has..

He obviously needs to vent ! And even though it may seem like he is twice removed from his actual life does not mean he does not care or desensitized..
This has been his life, to HIM? This is his “normal” …
One usually sees this a lot with victims..They can speak about a traumatic situation eve though it includes them or loved ones as no big deal simply because this has been their “Normal” for some time.

What is occurring to his daughter is not normal, I am unsure as to why the therapist has not reported the wife? There is a confidentiality factor however as a therapist? They are still held to mandated reporter laws.

I am sorry you have had to be a part of this and I would state to your friend that while you are his friend this makes you uncomfortable.
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Old 10-28-2012, 01:53 AM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,478 posts, read 14,944,123 times
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seems like he trusts you and needs to talk.
I'm less worried about him and more concerned about his daughter.
Someone should be reporting her to Child Protective Services unless the father is making sure the child is protected from the abuse the mom is hurling at her.

If you're not comfortable with the situation you might want to distance yourself.
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Old 10-28-2012, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 3,944,499 times
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Yes, he's desensitized to it... he's living it everyday.

The use of the word "jugs" is offensive to me... want to be taken seriously? - call them breasts.

You must be a good friend (or his only friend)...he obviously feels comfortable enough talking to you about these things. I'm sure he NEEDS to talk to you.

What is being done for the daughter? I would hope the abuse by the wife has stopped because the therapist is aware of it now.
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Old 10-28-2012, 09:17 AM
 
35,109 posts, read 40,202,457 times
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I wonder if you are a very trusted friend to this man hence the reason he feels he can talk to you about this issue. I am sure he has the need to talk to someone about this and he must feel you are very good friends and he trusts you enough to tell you.
Honestly all you have to do is just listen there is really no need to offer any advice if you don't want to, just be his friend.
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Old 10-28-2012, 11:00 AM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,600,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PippySkiddles View Post
seems like he trusts you and needs to talk.
I'm less worried about him and more concerned about his daughter.
Someone should be reporting her to Child Protective Services unless the father is making sure the child is protected from the abuse the mom is hurling at her.

If you're not comfortable with the situation you might want to distance yourself.
Yes. I felt that someone needed to do the reporting, but if they're in therapy together, then the therapist already knows.

Distance myself? Yes. The wife is obnoxious and had a matchmaking obsession (other thread) plus, once I heard why the daughter screamed, I no longer wanted to set foot in their house and have to sit there at the dinner table with his wife.

I wish them the best. I think their youngest daughter got it the worst and I hope she'll get over what nasty kind of punishment she was subjected to. My friend was better off single, I think, and was very low-maintenance to deal with. I wonder if he thinks the same thing.
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Old 10-28-2012, 11:59 AM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,600,845 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
Yes, he's desensitized to it... he's living it everyday.

The use of the word "jugs" is offensive to me... want to be taken seriously? - call them breasts.
Let's chill on this. Many here also post on regular "Relationships" where banter like this is the order of the day. When a person is intelligent and makes cogent arguments, it is apparent. It would be interesting to listen into the Oval Office and Secret Service banter over the years.

Warped that one could let someone into their life which completely overhauls their baseline for "normalcy."
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 6,073,855 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I don't know THAT many crazy people. Just a few people who have done a LOT of things which are either nutty or annoying to me. So this is about one of that same batch of people whose (extended) family I've complained about.

I have a friend I met when he was still single. After about 6 years, he got married. I thought everything was hunky-dory, but within the last few years, he tells me:

- that his wife is physically abusive to their daughter (1 to 2 years old) to get her to be quiet, but that they are in therapy (funny, because he was never in therapy before getting married). So, why did his wife do this? In therapy, it was learned that it was done to his wife when she was a child. I didn't like his little girl, who screamed uncontrollably when she had to go to the bathroom or had to go to sleep, shouting "I want Daddy to take me" repeatedly. Now, after hearing what his wife did to her, I can see why this child screams. I think this child will be scarred because of this.

- that his wife and her sister sit there in his house and try on different clothes or swimwear, with the door flung open for anyone to walk by, with no problem whatsoever about having their jugs bouncing around and visible.

My friend comes from a family that is kind of repressed. On the other hand, his wife comes from a family that is full of boundary problems that are all over the map, and present in all of her siblings.

Question: Why is my friend telling me this crazy stuff? Not only that, he speaks about it in a nonchalant way, like he's desensitized to it. Any ideas?
What a mess. He's talking to you because he trusts you. Even though you mentioned that the therapist knows about the abuse, I would still call CPS. That poor child . I would also talk to the guy and ask him why he thinks it's ok to stay with someone who is abusive toward their child. Give him a reality check. Tell him if he wants to keep his daughter off the pole, away from drugs and not have her with a plethora of other issues he better step in and act now.

Last edited by carlitasway; 10-29-2012 at 09:47 AM..
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:19 AM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,600,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway View Post
What a mess. He's talking to you because he trusts you. Even though you mentioned that the therapist knows about the abuse, I would still call CPS. That poor child . I would also talk to the guy and ask him why he thinks it's ok to stay with someone who is abusive toward their child. Give him a reality check. Tell him if he wants to keep his daughter off the pole, away from drugs and not have her with a plethora of other issues he better step in and act now.
He married late(r). He comes from a strict Catholic household. I think he likes it better than being alone, despite the negative interaction. I also think it's about saving face and dismantling a comfortable suburban household.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,005 posts, read 17,327,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I wonder if you are a very trusted friend to this man hence the reason he feels he can talk to you about this issue. I am sure he has the need to talk to someone about this and he must feel you are very good friends and he trusts you enough to tell you.
Honestly all you have to do is just listen there is really no need to offer any advice if you don't want to, just be his friend.
I Agree.
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