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Old 11-01-2012, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1 posts, read 1,418 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello,

I am in dire need of some guidance. My situation is not the typical "moving out after college, now employed" kind of deal. My father passed away when I was only 5. Due to that sudden shock, my mother made the decision to uproot our family (I have a younger brother who just graduated from college and recently moved back home, as well) and come to the United States. As a first-generation (or some would say 1.5) Asian American, my values from two cultures are conflicting: my Asian side tells me to stay at home as long as I can, save money, take care of my family, buy a house, etc. VS my American side that tells me to spread my wings, stand up on my own two feet, go out on my own, etc. There's a battle raging in my head and it's driving me bonkers! As much as I want to experience independence (I did live on campus throughout college, though-- but not exactly the same thing), I feel this heavy sense of guilt that I'm turning my back on my family.

Other factors:
-I am in a committed relationship (significant other has his own place- so relationship has been coming along fine; been dating 16 months now, although I feel that we've hit a roadblock- not sure why)
-I am gainfully employed (and after expenses calculated, moving out wouldn't be that much of a financial burden- still able to pay down my student loans, credit cards, my car)
-I am planning to go to graduate school in the very near future (most likely a part-time program in the LA area)
-I am gay and was raised on traditional Catholic and Filipino values. (contradictions!)

Any thoughts?

Thank you all in advance.

Last edited by UrbanDwlr; 11-01-2012 at 12:04 PM..
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Old 11-01-2012, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Piedmont, OK
96 posts, read 146,254 times
Reputation: 86
I don't think anyone can answer this question except for you. With that said, I know how it feels to have to leave your family behind to spread your wings on your own. You have to do what is best for you.
If your family truly loves you, they will accept that this is what you have to do for yourself in order to grow.
You can try and make a PROS and CONS list of moving out to see what might be a better option for you. If you stay at home, obviously it is easier to save money, go to graduate school, etc.

In the end, this is your decision and you are the one that has to make it!
Good luck to you!
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Old 11-01-2012, 05:27 PM
 
Location: ๏̯͡๏﴿ Gwinnett-That's a Civil Matter-County
2,117 posts, read 5,325,772 times
Reputation: 3517
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanDwlr View Post
-I am gainfully employed (and after expenses calculated, moving out wouldn't be that much of a financial burden- still able to pay down my student loans, credit cards, my car)
How about saving money? Are you doing that too?
If you're earning enough to pay your expenses, SAVE MONEY, and perhaps set aside some to help out the family, then I don't see why you can't have both.
Have you talked to your mom about it? How does she feel about you going out on your own? Don't you think she has expected that to happen at some point?
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Old 11-01-2012, 09:22 PM
 
47,573 posts, read 60,651,860 times
Reputation: 22283
What's a little ironic is Asian and some other cultures will not only leave home but leave their own country but think it's really independent to leave home to live nearby and in the same country.

Your mom left her home on the other side of the world - she can't think it's too terrible for you to move away. You can still be close to your family. You could just discuss it with your mom, tell her how American you became and that you just want to try living on your own but will be close-by. Someone who made the leap like she did would probably understand.
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:13 PM
 
12,886 posts, read 15,438,852 times
Reputation: 14853
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanDwlr View Post
Hello,



Any thoughts?

Thank you all in advance.
Your younger brother will be there physically for your mom...you could easily stay in daily contact with skype if you wanted.....you deserve the chance to (spread your wings), it's not like your mom will be left all alone...............maybe the "roadblock" you've hit is because you don't live together, have you thought of that?...goodluck in your decisions UrbanDwlr
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Old 11-02-2012, 02:14 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
No one but you can answer this question, I know what I would do actually what I have already done but I am not you.
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