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Old 11-05-2012, 08:53 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,847,719 times
Reputation: 8956

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Put "family scapegoat" in a search engine.
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Old 11-05-2012, 09:56 PM
 
7,099 posts, read 24,487,231 times
Reputation: 7302
I haven't read all posts, so excuse this if you want to.

I decided that it was time that my family and I started our own family tradition. And that's what we did. We stayed home.

Another thing is that you could use this time to volunteer at a shelter or sometihing to help serve the Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless.

It's time for your wife to see that this isn't really a family. I'll bet that you could find neighbors or co-workers that would love an invitation to your house. Get Togethers are supposed to be to celebrate something. They are not supposed to be an ordeal.
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Old 11-06-2012, 12:57 AM
 
6 posts, read 12,398 times
Reputation: 12
What would you do if her family was treating you like crap? Well from what I've come to believe about marriage they are treating you like crap. You and your wife are one flesh, what they do to her they do to you. there are definitely degrees to this that have to be determined with common sense, but in my opinion this level has been reached.

What I would say is you dont have to fight or argue to be heard. Handle the situation with calm assertiveness and it wiil change the compexion and dynamic of this relationship forever.
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Old 11-06-2012, 01:27 AM
 
Location: California
30,684 posts, read 33,445,013 times
Reputation: 26103
You are a married adult couple, start your own damn holiday traditions.
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Old 11-06-2012, 06:54 AM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,736,350 times
Reputation: 3235
Quote:
Originally Posted by subject2change View Post
"Let her"? She's an adult, correct? You can state your opinion about it, but trying to control the actions of a grown woman (or man) is as abusive in its way as emotional abuse. What your wife needs is the confidence to stand up for herself,and that doesn't come from allowing anyone to tell her what she may or may not do.
From one angle, you're correct. However, from a different angle, as leader of my family (it says so in the Bible so this cannot be disputed), it is my duty to see to my wife's well-being. Part of that duty includes doing what I can to keep her from situations that could be or are definitely harmful to her. Love is an action verb, not a state of being... if I don't take action to keep my wife from harm when it is possible for me to do so, it could very easily be questioned whether or not I truly love her.
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Old 11-06-2012, 07:44 AM
 
Location: zone 5
7,330 posts, read 13,223,996 times
Reputation: 9611
We'll have to agree to disagree. But BTW, the bible can be disputed, as can the interpretation of what's in it. However, that's a topic for the religion forum and I don't go there.
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Old 11-06-2012, 06:06 PM
 
519 posts, read 702,158 times
Reputation: 977
I agree. Make your own traditions. You could invite them todriveafter dark in the cold to come see you. Suggest some good hotels...
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Old 11-06-2012, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Washington D.C.
555 posts, read 968,595 times
Reputation: 773
everyone is telling you what im gonna tell you "Dont go"
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Old 11-06-2012, 07:21 PM
 
Location: living in OKLA. heart in Alaska
236 posts, read 358,756 times
Reputation: 213
nothing could stop me from defending my spouse!!!!!!!
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Old 11-06-2012, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,233 posts, read 4,204,503 times
Reputation: 11595
The more I think about it, if I were somehow obligated to go to such a 'function', I believe I'd rely on the wisdom of the ancients. I would employ that tried and true solution for all problems: when in doubt, think WWJCD?

That's right! What would Joan Crawford do?!

Just a few things Joan said in her movies, when faced with impossible situations:

"And by the way: there's a name for you ladies. But it isn't used in high society.... outside of a kennel..."

"Your filthy souls are too evil for Hell itself."

"You and your little rabbit-faced wife can both go to Hell!"


"Don't f--- with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo"

"You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get rid of a dead elephant" (particularly cutting...and menacing, when muttered after being insulted by a plus-sized relative)

And if St. Joan is a bit much to emulate, there's always Christine Baranski. She's played so many wonderfully monstrous roles. So, if Wifey is going to that beat-down/lock-in slumber party in Hell, she really needs to start listening to and repeating Crawford and/or Baranski lines.

Frankly, If my spouse were under attack, I'd let loose with the Vitriol. One of our neighbors, four homes or so back in time, was a very sarcastic professional. His projects were known to be dotted with suicides...and wrecked marriages. His big, rich Republican family had the "everybody has to be here for the holiday" kind of events OP is depicting. Even living near this guy, you felt the poison just drifting out of our neighbors' walled garden. Anyway, there was a big house-party style Christmas at this guy's parents'. His sister killed herself. Might'a been somethin' he said?

A day with me, if I were good and provoked, would have a family like OP describes... well... After a day with me giving 'em as good as they'd been giving my spouse, they'd be dropping like flies. That is, if there weren't a murder or two, first...

I'd have their neuroses diagnosed, their stretch-marks pointed-out, their speech tics ridiculed, their financial foibles dissected, their every flaw blown so out of proportion they would wish for the quickest end possible.

And that's where something like this can lead. Two nights without sleep, in a house full of people who treat your Wife like a dog? There is no possible happy ending for this, unless you both stay out of that snake pit.
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