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Old 11-07-2012, 07:06 AM
 
201 posts, read 422,435 times
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We wrote my wife's immediate family, via email, a letter. We insisted we would not show up at their home unless everyone agreed to bring in a professional family therapist in to meet with everyone about how they treat us and each other. (we would pay for it)

Everyone responded and rejected the suggestion out of hand. We wrote back and said we will not attend any more family events until the meeting with the family therapist happens. No reply.

What do you think?
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Old 11-07-2012, 08:21 AM
 
Location: zone 5
7,330 posts, read 13,252,205 times
Reputation: 9611
I think you may be enjoying Thanksgiving this year for a change! It's good that your wife has decided to take a stand against her family (and very telling that you've gotten no reply). But she may have some mixed feelings about this first Thanksgiving without them, especially with this last rejection. Try to make it an extra special one!
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Old 11-07-2012, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Corona the I.E.
10,078 posts, read 14,038,623 times
Reputation: 8925
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
We wrote my wife's immediate family, via email, a letter. We insisted we would not show up at their home unless everyone agreed to bring in a professional family therapist in to meet with everyone about how they treat us and each other. (we would pay for it)

Everyone responded and rejected the suggestion out of hand. We wrote back and said we will not attend any more family events until the meeting with the family therapist happens. No reply.

What do you think?
Good job, good husband.
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Old 11-07-2012, 09:12 AM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,396,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverwingNC View Post
Once you and your wife married, a new family was created: you, your mate, (perhaps) down the road - children. It's time to decide what kind of traditions you wish to create for your family.
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Old 11-07-2012, 09:18 AM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,396,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy View Post
From one angle, you're correct. However, from a different angle, as leader of my family (it says so in the Bible so this cannot be disputed), it is my duty to see to my wife's well-being. Part of that duty includes doing what I can to keep her from situations that could be or are definitely harmful to her. Love is an action verb, not a state of being... if I don't take action to keep my wife from harm when it is possible for me to do so, it could very easily be questioned whether or not I truly love her.
I don't necessarily agree with the source of your belief, but the source of everyone's beliefs is a personal matter and to be respected. However, I am touched at the heart of your statement. Love is more than a feeling and a state of being - I've never heard it described as a verb, but that makes a lot of sense.
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Old 11-07-2012, 09:19 AM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,396,031 times
Reputation: 4611
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
We wrote my wife's immediate family, via email, a letter. We insisted we would not show up at their home unless everyone agreed to bring in a professional family therapist in to meet with everyone about how they treat us and each other. (we would pay for it)

Everyone responded and rejected the suggestion out of hand. We wrote back and said we will not attend any more family events until the meeting with the family therapist happens. No reply.

What do you think?
What did your wife say to all this?
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Old 11-07-2012, 09:57 AM
 
201 posts, read 422,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissNM View Post
What did your wife say to all this?
She was the one who wrote the email and sent it to her family under her account. It was my idea but she loved it and now we are awaiting their reply. It is a poison pill that we never expected they would agree to but gives us some talking points and power.
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Old 11-07-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 14,449,841 times
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Olive branch and solution extened, now sit tight. Don't extend anything else...EVER!

Those folks have become accustomed to using your wife as the family scapegoat. They have been misplacing the family anger for years now; that will not be easily addressed or corrected!

In fact, a family that is that sick is unlikely to ever get well.

The family therapy can only work if they admit their reprehensible behavior towards her and commit to change. That would mean ALL admitting they have been cruel, abusive, dysfunctional, mean, and jerky.

What you all need is a M-I-R-A-C-L-E!

I hope you get one! If you do not, move on with your life together.

Your wife will have to suffer and grieve the loss of the family she never really had to begin with. I'm betting she has wished for a 'good'-- loving family all of her life. She has just hoped and hoped that one day it would be so.

She now will have to mourn the loss of not ever having the family she deserved.

Family is not always related by blood. Start (if you have not already) investing and looking for people like yourselves. Seek to form bonds with others who have also been given a crappy family. Fill the void for them, and they are sure to fill the void for you all!
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Old 11-07-2012, 10:58 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,762,541 times
Reputation: 46039
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
We wrote my wife's immediate family, via email, a letter. We insisted we would not show up at their home unless everyone agreed to bring in a professional family therapist in to meet with everyone about how they treat us and each other. (we would pay for it)

Everyone responded and rejected the suggestion out of hand. We wrote back and said we will not attend any more family events until the meeting with the family therapist happens. No reply.

What do you think?
That was dumb. You basically presented them with an ultimatum. Of course you would get that response.
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Old 11-07-2012, 11:33 AM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,771,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
Thanksgiving is coming in three weeks and I am dreading it. We have to make the long drive to my wife's family and spend the long weekend there. It will be terrible if history is any indicator.

My wife's parents are cold and cruel to her and her sisters pick on her. My wife is too unsure of herself to fight back and just takes it. Her lack of confidence is one of the reasons she is picked on, she has a sign on her that says HIT ME!

I have discussed it with my wife and she is angry about how her parents and sisters treat her but says she is intimidated by them and is afraid to stand up for herself. I just go nuts sitting there watching her be abused and don't want to go to her family but we still go.

If you were in my shoes would you give her parents and sisters a piece of your mind or just sit and watch the abuse happen?
It must be hard to watch all that. But let me ask you this; if you go to this get-together and stick up for your wife, are you prepared to deal with the consequences? Not only could her family turn actively on you, but she can also since it's clear she's not ready to change the status-quo. Instead I'd have a long talk with her about setting some boundaries; boundaries that you are not going to family get-togethers anymore to watch her be abused. Tell her you care about her, love her and are there for her, but that these get-togethers are just too much for you to handle anymore. Good luck.
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