U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-10-2012, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,413 posts, read 35,877,934 times
Reputation: 62769

Advertisements

It is very difficult to stand firm in this situation, but you must. Do not bail them out. You're not fixing anything, just postponing the inevitable, and then you'd be adding your money and your frustration to the mix. Don't allow this stress and frustration into your life. And don't allow them to move in with you either.

I practice what I preach. After my youngest son mismanaged his life and had been kicked out of my home and everyone else's, he called me coming from Virginia to Texas on a Greyhound bus, flat broke, and wanted me to pick him up at the station. I picked him up alright - and took him straight to the Salvation Army.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-10-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,929,084 times
Reputation: 5236
Let them file bankruptcy, there would be no money from me...just throwing good after the bad. They are adults, it is their responsibility to resolve this problem.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Land of Free Johnson-Weld-2016
6,473 posts, read 13,903,349 times
Reputation: 6433
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
If you read my other posting about my wife's cold distant family that treats each other and my wife poorly you may understand how family dynamics can impact a marriage.

The latest news is her parents left a voice mail that said that unless they can come up with two months of mortgage payments ($2000) they will be evicited from their home and be homeless. No one else in the family has any money and we have to help them.

Should we?
My answer would be Hell No. I don't give money to people who are not directly related to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,413 posts, read 35,877,934 times
Reputation: 62769
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinkytoes View Post
My answer would be Hell No. I don't give money to people who are not directly related to me.
I'll take it one step further - I don't even give money to people who are directly related to me if it's just because they've acted stupid or irresponsibly - because it's throwing money down a rabbit hole. I also won't give money to people who don't appreciate it.

I also don't let family BORROW money. If I give it to them, it's a gift. I don't like the stress of hoping they'll pay it back - or being angry when they don't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,143,251 times
Reputation: 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper View Post
If you read my other posting about my wife's cold distant family that treats each other and my wife poorly you may understand how family dynamics can impact a marriage.

The latest news is her parents left a voice mail that said that unless they can come up with two months of mortgage payments ($2000) they will be evicited from their home and be homeless. No one else in the family has any money and we have to help them.

Should we?
Just the fact that they left this info in a voicemail tells me that they aren't really too worried. They are evidently trying to guilt-trip your wife.

And, if they treat you poorly, WTH would they expect you and your wife to come riding to their rescue? They must be kidding. Treat people like crap and then issue an order "Come rescue us or we will be homeless."

Agree with the others.

Don't do it.

Usually I would say to help out. Not in this case!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,390 posts, read 17,317,873 times
Reputation: 14022
Wow! I'm soooooo glad my kids aren't like the responders here. I have no doubt that if I needed some money because I got behind -- for whatever reason -- they'd bale me out if possible. Just as I would them, no questions asked. And just as I would have been happy to have helped my own parents or my wife's. When my ex's father died, I told her to talk to her mom and assure her that if she ever needed any money for anything, to just let us know how much she needed and it would be in her bank the next day. Family is family.

While the OP's in-laws apparently got into trouble from over-spending and poor credit card practices, it can happen to anyone. They probably never adjusted to the lower income of retirement. Some help may be needed there to help them out. It's *possible* that they might qualify for mortgage refinancing, but no, it's NOT available for everyone. And it's possible that they might get their credit card company(s) to work with them with lower interest rates. Help any way you can, but do help. If it doesn't make you feel good about yourself now, it likely will in a few years.

I would make it a loan, however. Ask them when they can repay you. I'd put it in writing so there's no misunderstanding.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Finally in NC
1,337 posts, read 1,868,915 times
Reputation: 992
Having defaulted on a mortgage, (bad housing market, listed way below what we owe & still didnt sell and we had to move) I know that we moved and stopped paying, not knowing that it took over 6 months of nonpayment for the mtg. company to put our mortgage into default and say they were going to change the locks,etc-we could have not paid for 6 months and not been kicked out! (we paid until we moved out)
I know someone who was in a similar situation and didnt pay for a year and were not removed, so I find this very hard to believe.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,290 posts, read 7,866,319 times
Reputation: 53286
Can you say codependent? Leopards don't change their spots. They're looking for someone else to clean up their irresponsible mess. Don't lend them any money. Their mortgage is cheaper than my rentals. If they can't make it there they can't make it anywhere. It's pathetic. Run don't walk to the nearest exit on this one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,413 posts, read 35,877,934 times
Reputation: 62769
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
Wow! I'm soooooo glad my kids aren't like the responders here. I have no doubt that if I needed some money because I got behind -- for whatever reason -- they'd bale me out if possible. Just as I would them, no questions asked. And just as I would have been happy to have helped my own parents or my wife's. When my ex's father died, I told her to talk to her mom and assure her that if she ever needed any money for anything, to just let us know how much she needed and it would be in her bank the next day. Family is family.

While the OP's in-laws apparently got into trouble from over-spending and poor credit card practices, it can happen to anyone. They probably never adjusted to the lower income of retirement. Some help may be needed there to help them out. It's *possible* that they might qualify for mortgage refinancing, but no, it's NOT available for everyone. And it's possible that they might get their credit card company(s) to work with them with lower interest rates. Help any way you can, but do help. If it doesn't make you feel good about yourself now, it likely will in a few years.

I would make it a loan, however. Ask them when they can repay you. I'd put it in writing so there's no misunderstanding.
Do you realize that these inlaws have been unfriendly and cold toward the OP for many years?

If they are running up debt irresponsibly, what makes you think they would pay FAMILY back as promised? Family goes to the bottom of the heap when creditors start beating one's door down.

If I were you, I wouldn't harshly judge the other responders on this thread who have advised not to give them money. I don't know if you and your family are in the habit of giving each other money (and paying it back) but if you are and it works for you, that's great. It doesn't generally work well for many families - a fact that you apparently haven't experienced - yet.

Adults need to act like adults and I find it REPREHENSIBLE that PARENTS would spend money so foolishly and irresponsibly, and then expect their CHILDREN to bail them out. I also am skeptical of their claim that they are about to be evicted. It takes about a YEAR of missed payments to get evicted when there is a mortgage involved. Besides that, there are all sorts of federal programs in place to help them with their mortgage situation.

I'm not buying their story. The ONLY way I would give them money is if I spoke directly to the mortgage company, got a detailed history of their payments, and was assured that this was a fluke and that the $2000 would catch them completely up. Then I MIGHT give it to the mortgage company (to avoid having them come crash at my place) and tell the inlaws that this was absolutely the one and ONLY time I was paying it, and that I expect them to sign over their tax return to me after the first of the year. I would get that in writing. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though.

They sound like idiots!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2012, 09:52 AM
 
679 posts, read 1,048,061 times
Reputation: 1111
Yeah, there's a difference between helping out people who have been nasty to the OP and his spouse and got into the situation by their own doing vs. helping out kind relatives who are in financial difficulty through no fault of their own (layoffs, medical bills).

Also, what is the impact on you & your wife Snooper? Is there enough income when you won't miss it if they don't pay you back? Or are you going to have to scale back to support their extravagant spending?

I wouldn't get into budgeting with your in laws. They are irrational, mean people from what you describe and attempting to help them with budgeting will only serve to make both of you targets for their ire.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top