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Old 11-12-2012, 12:56 PM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,352,079 times
Reputation: 14809

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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
I can't find anyone else. We're both stuck in the lease for a while.

We're not a good fit at all, and it drives me nuts. The problem is, I am not the one doing any of the complaining and every time I get nagged I get angrier and angrier. I keep everything clean, I never leave a single dish in the sink, I never leave food out, yet if I do anything that's outside of his routine he whines to me. I swear its worse than my last relationship lol!

It just doesn't seem fair that I can't do anything or have anyone over. It's really stressful dealing with it.
burgler09, who says you can't have anyone over...him?..why care, why take on HIS ideals when they're not yours?..is he your daddy, do you have to do as your told..or else?..I'd be making a ton of noise past 10pm, watching movies. listening to some good LOUD tunes, whatever..make your problem HIS problem, maybe he'll get the message..sometimes it's good to give people a taste of their own, then (if you're both stuck on the lease) maybe he'll be a little more understanding and willing to compromise occasionally..it IS your place too you know...who said HE gets to make all the rules?
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Old 11-12-2012, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,443 posts, read 23,999,435 times
Reputation: 48609
What do you say to him when he complains to you? It sounds a little formal, but you may have to sit down with him and have a grown-up discussion about your schedules. You don't stop existing just because he went to bed, he has to realize that you are offering him the same courtesy that he does when he's up and you're not. Maybe both of you will have to keep volumes low or wear headphones, and you should discuss how you're to handle overnight guests. Assuming things and not hashing them out will just **** both of you off.
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Old 11-12-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Podunk, Cackalacky
300 posts, read 569,104 times
Reputation: 345
Sit down and have a talk with him about what times are okay for doing what activities. This should be a compromise based on when both of you sleep. For example, before 8am can be considered early and after 11pm can be considered late. You have to establish specific times like this. Then agree on activities that you both are allowed to do, like it's okay to cook before 8am and after 11pm, but it's not okay to play music, talk where it's audible to the sleeping roommate, etc.

As for bringing your girlfriend over, hopefully you've already talked about guests, but if not, no time like the present. His problem seems to be the noise, so establishing appropriate times should solve most of that problem. Guess you won't be having any raucous sex for now.

Above all, I think you need to make it clear to this guy that he's going to hear you sometimes since you do live there. It's unreasonable to make noise at 5am and expect your roommate to be dead silent by 9pm. Tell him you hear him in the early morning, and you appreciate that he keeps noise to a minimum. Tell him you're trying to keep noise to a minimum during your hours as well. Basically make him see that your late evenings are like his early mornings.
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Old 11-12-2012, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 26,129,295 times
Reputation: 16496
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
What do you say to him when he complains to you? It sounds a little formal, but you may have to sit down with him and have a grown-up discussion about your schedules. You don't stop existing just because he went to bed, he has to realize that you are offering him the same courtesy that he does when he's up and you're not. Maybe both of you will have to keep volumes low or wear headphones, and you should discuss how you're to handle overnight guests. Assuming things and not hashing them out will just **** both of you off.


When he complains to me I just take a deep breath and say sorry. It's one of those things where it's just bottling up a bunch of anger lol. It pisses me off that someone goes to bed at 8:00 and has the audacity to complain to me for cooking past a certain time, yet gets up at 4am and makes just as much noise as me. I don't say a word.


I work at home, I rearranged my whole room so my bed is as far away from his as possible. I work mostly weekend nights and I'm done before midnight. He pounds on my wall the whole shift. It drives me nuts. Oh, and the latest I work is 11:40


There was one time though, I had been at school for 30 hours straight studying, I got home at 11pm and made a can of soup. He complained to me the next day i looked at him and said "i was studying for 30 hours, if i want to cook a bowl of soup, im going to do it". He hasn't said anything since, until I had my gf over one night and we were talking and he pounded on my door and told us to be quiet.
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Old 11-12-2012, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 26,129,295 times
Reputation: 16496
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
burgler09, who says you can't have anyone over...him?..why care, why take on HIS ideals when they're not yours?..is he your daddy, do you have to do as your told..or else?..I'd be making a ton of noise past 10pm, watching movies. listening to some good LOUD tunes, whatever..make your problem HIS problem, maybe he'll get the message..sometimes it's good to give people a taste of their own, then (if you're both stuck on the lease) maybe he'll be a little more understanding and willing to compromise occasionally..it IS your place too you know...who said HE gets to make all the rules?

That's typically how I am, but I'm really working on being not quite as combative of a person. I'm trying to be a more passive person (plus he owns a gun lol)
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:11 PM
 
2,096 posts, read 3,044,063 times
Reputation: 2264
Buy a couple of box fans for your bedrooms. They will really cut down on each other being annoyed by noise.
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Old 11-13-2012, 04:33 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,266 posts, read 21,111,708 times
Reputation: 23986
Someone didn't do their research, ask enough questions, or the key questions, sounds more like you jumped into this on impulse.

I rent out a room in my house, and I'm currently going thru the search for the more perfect roommate. But I take another approach: I do a quick astrological profile of a potential roommate and it's served me well over the years. Just a birthdate is all I need for a rough profile.
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Old 11-13-2012, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,514,163 times
Reputation: 49775
When two people share a place, one person shouldn't dictate on how things are going to be.

Ask him what can be done (aside from you living like a zombie while he's sleeping) to help him sleep better. Buy him earplugs, or like another suggested, a box fan. But don't keep apologizing to him.

Also tell him that him pounding the wall is disturbing your work...no work no rent so he needs to stop.

Quit letting him be a diva.
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Old 11-13-2012, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,307,555 times
Reputation: 2685
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
Well, upon moving to a new state for school and cutting back my hours for work I decided to move in with a roommate out here. He's a nice guy, but anal about everything, complains about everything and always raises an issue. I can't take it, he's an early morning guy.. wakes up at 5am. Cooks, does whatever. Honestly, I don't care. The problem is, I'm a night person and every time I do anything in the night (after 10pm) I am complained to. It's constant complaining, worse than a nagging girlfriend.

I don't like getting out of bed in the night because he complains, it is really over the top.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.. but it is just driving me crazy.

Getting to a main question now, having a roommate like this.. how do I have a relationship? I am dating a girl now and I want to bring her back to my place sometimes , obviously. But this roommate never leaves the house, never goes out on weekends, is in bed by 9:00 and complains about any noise past that. What do I do about bringing my girlfriend back to my place?

Any advice on handling this would be great.
There is an old saying that we can't choose our family or neighbors, but we can pick our roomates. Sounds like you two are not compatible in terms of lifestyle and personalities. Additionally, sounds like this guy is a doozie to live with. Plus, is this really "your place"? Doesn't sound like it if you have to walk on eggshells constantly.

Best solution, get your own place or a compatible roomate if you want your relationship to take off and survive. Good luck, as I have been there.
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Old 11-13-2012, 09:14 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,066 posts, read 8,324,253 times
Reputation: 11535
This guy is ridiculous. I'd do what I wanted and tell him to deal with it. Not like you're having parties all night. You're just cooking, hanging out with your girlfriend, nothing unreasonable. Tell him to get ear plugs or put some fans in his room to make white noise. I would NOT walk on egg shells in my own apartment especially if this jerk is getting up at 5 am totally unconcerned if he's bothering you. I HATE having a roommate. Never again!!
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