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I can't be the only one who dreads this holiday. Since both sides of my family have significant numbers of people in AA, drunkenness isn't ever the issue. My mother hosts it in our house, and every year for the past few years she puts off preparations until 0-4 days ahead of time, often missing important things. She's also slept in on getting the turkey in the oven leading to turkeys which are hours late and dried out from a too hot oven. She has refused help with these preparations and refuses to give up hosting Thanksgiving.
Last year I asked her if she needed any help on the Monday before Thanksgiving, because I had Tuesday free and she said no. I had classes from 9am to 9pm on Wednesday, and that night she called me up asking if I could go out and get something she forgot when I was still in class. Even though she had gotten out of work. After I tried to tell her "no" without sounding too blunt about it, I got an annoyed and guilt-trippy response about how Thanksgiving would be ruined if it didn't have cranberry sauce, and eventually did get some on my way back from school.
So for the past two years I've gone to my father's house, because they've started to host their own Thanksgiving at his mother's house (my nana and him used to come to ours, but my nana stopped driving and they decided to have one at her house). While I still got a lot of the preparing drama that I hate, the food was noticeably better (my father fried a turkey), on time, and I didn't get yelled at the day of about how I was needed in the kitchen. Last year she wasn't even awake when I left at 1 pm despite my best efforts starting at 8 am. When I got back from my nana's at after 7 pm, they had just started eating a dinner that was scheduled for 4 pm.
Unfortunately this year, she's invited some family friends from Louisiana over, which makes me feel obligated to stay.
Last edited by BrnTmr4Brkfst; 11-13-2012 at 07:48 PM..
I love thanksgiving. I can go visit my family and see everyone and eat a ton of food. The only thing better is christmas when I get get a ton of presents from my parents
I don't have family, so I don't have to deal with the stress that can go along with that. But as a vegetarian/almost vegan/healthy eater, I dislike the excessive eating and the emphasis on turkey eating....
I generally tend to like it, but didn't enjoy it with my mother when I was younger. Like the OP's mom, mine likes to cause drama. It got so bad one Christmas Eve, my dad took us to go see Close Encounters to get us out of the tension filled house. Btw, when my parents were together, the 60s/70s, my dad did a lot more work around the home than most men did at the time. He'd cook, wash dishes and pitch in with cleaning and child care (for awhile she was the homemaker, he was the breadwinner). My mother isn't happy unless she's stirring up some sort of drama and nonsense over a holiday. What was your mom's home life like growing up? Maybe she's trying to re-create the chaos she knew because it's familiar.
Plus some people go into martyr mode. They complain how much work it is, yet they refuse:
1) help
2) suggestions to hold the dinner at a restaurant
3) suggestions to host it elsewhere
Can you stay with your dad/nana for a bit? Maybe not this year, but make it a tradition?
Btw, if you haven't seen it, Home for the Holidays is a great Thanksgiving movie.
She has fibromyalgia and sleep apnea, if she does too much one day (like staying up until midnight chopping and peeling vegetables), she's out for most of the next day.
My grandmother was very good at planning, I can't imagine her Thanksgivings were stressful. She successfully hosted and cooked everything for Christmas Eve for a large number of people without any help until she was 85. Scapegoat, you've reminded me of one thing I especially loath about Thanksgiving: the dishes.
Why do you feel so obligated? Is it YOUR hosting the dinner? If not then no responsibilities on your part so go and do what you want and leave it at that.
Ah, family drama, family dysfunctionality! That sure changes the equation about whether the tradition of family feasts (mainly Thanksgiving and Christmas) is enjoyable or not. Resentment, bitterness, complaining, and martyrdom do not make for conviviality around a sumptuous meal. Instead, they make for stress and misery.
Here is another issue: People who live alone (divorced, widowed) and who have no children or no children within 1000 miles may end up not getting an invitation and being alone during this time, which does not feel good. I have had such people explain their situation to me. I have heard of others in that situation who found a friend in a similar situation and they went out together to a restaurant for Thanksgiving, which beats the hell out of being alone. Such people are unlikely to be fans of Thanksgiving.
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