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View Poll Results: How do you feel about Thanksgiving?
Love it. 62 32.98%
I like it good enough. 44 23.40%
I have no strong feelings one way or the other. 30 15.96%
I don't like it. 22 11.70%
Hate it. 17 9.04%
Don't celebrate it. 13 6.91%
Voters: 188. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 11-13-2012, 07:00 PM
198 posts, read 392,433 times
Reputation: 176


I can't be the only one who dreads this holiday. Since both sides of my family have significant numbers of people in AA, drunkenness isn't ever the issue. My mother hosts it in our house, and every year for the past few years she puts off preparations until 0-4 days ahead of time, often missing important things. She's also slept in on getting the turkey in the oven leading to turkeys which are hours late and dried out from a too hot oven. She has refused help with these preparations and refuses to give up hosting Thanksgiving.

Last year I asked her if she needed any help on the Monday before Thanksgiving, because I had Tuesday free and she said no. I had classes from 9am to 9pm on Wednesday, and that night she called me up asking if I could go out and get something she forgot when I was still in class. Even though she had gotten out of work. After I tried to tell her "no" without sounding too blunt about it, I got an annoyed and guilt-trippy response about how Thanksgiving would be ruined if it didn't have cranberry sauce, and eventually did get some on my way back from school.

So for the past two years I've gone to my father's house, because they've started to host their own Thanksgiving at his mother's house (my nana and him used to come to ours, but my nana stopped driving and they decided to have one at her house). While I still got a lot of the preparing drama that I hate, the food was noticeably better (my father fried a turkey), on time, and I didn't get yelled at the day of about how I was needed in the kitchen. Last year she wasn't even awake when I left at 1 pm despite my best efforts starting at 8 am. When I got back from my nana's at after 7 pm, they had just started eating a dinner that was scheduled for 4 pm.

Unfortunately this year, she's invited some family friends from Louisiana over, which makes me feel obligated to stay.

Last edited by BrnTmr4Brkfst; 11-13-2012 at 07:48 PM..
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:05 PM
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 26,140,557 times
Reputation: 16496
I love thanksgiving. I can go visit my family and see everyone and eat a ton of food. The only thing better is christmas when I get get a ton of presents from my parents
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:11 PM
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,400,880 times
Reputation: 19624
LOVELOVELOVE Thanksgiving!
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:13 PM
2,728 posts, read 709,064 times
Reputation: 7004
I don't have family, so I don't have to deal with the stress that can go along with that. But as a vegetarian/almost vegan/healthy eater, I dislike the excessive eating and the emphasis on turkey eating....
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:14 PM
16,801 posts, read 14,449,165 times
Reputation: 37859
Why is your mom sleeping until 1 pm?
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:18 PM
679 posts, read 1,048,061 times
Reputation: 1111
I generally tend to like it, but didn't enjoy it with my mother when I was younger. Like the OP's mom, mine likes to cause drama. It got so bad one Christmas Eve, my dad took us to go see Close Encounters to get us out of the tension filled house. Btw, when my parents were together, the 60s/70s, my dad did a lot more work around the home than most men did at the time. He'd cook, wash dishes and pitch in with cleaning and child care (for awhile she was the homemaker, he was the breadwinner). My mother isn't happy unless she's stirring up some sort of drama and nonsense over a holiday. What was your mom's home life like growing up? Maybe she's trying to re-create the chaos she knew because it's familiar.

Plus some people go into martyr mode. They complain how much work it is, yet they refuse:

1) help

2) suggestions to hold the dinner at a restaurant

3) suggestions to host it elsewhere

Can you stay with your dad/nana for a bit? Maybe not this year, but make it a tradition?

Btw, if you haven't seen it, Home for the Holidays is a great Thanksgiving movie.
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:28 PM
198 posts, read 392,433 times
Reputation: 176
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Why is your mom sleeping until 1 pm?
She has fibromyalgia and sleep apnea, if she does too much one day (like staying up until midnight chopping and peeling vegetables), she's out for most of the next day.

My grandmother was very good at planning, I can't imagine her Thanksgivings were stressful. She successfully hosted and cooked everything for Christmas Eve for a large number of people without any help until she was 85. Scapegoat, you've reminded me of one thing I especially loath about Thanksgiving: the dishes.
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:34 PM
Location: Greater NYC
2,906 posts, read 4,905,998 times
Reputation: 3867
Love Thanksgiving. Eating, relaxing, days off without having to worry about gifts.

I am a big fan of buying a precooked meal, or part of it, if you don't feel like cooking.
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:36 PM
35,121 posts, read 40,013,554 times
Reputation: 62029
Why do you feel so obligated? Is it YOUR hosting the dinner? If not then no responsibilities on your part so go and do what you want and leave it at that.
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Old 11-13-2012, 07:36 PM
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,666,956 times
Reputation: 32302
Ah, family drama, family dysfunctionality! That sure changes the equation about whether the tradition of family feasts (mainly Thanksgiving and Christmas) is enjoyable or not. Resentment, bitterness, complaining, and martyrdom do not make for conviviality around a sumptuous meal. Instead, they make for stress and misery.

Here is another issue: People who live alone (divorced, widowed) and who have no children or no children within 1000 miles may end up not getting an invitation and being alone during this time, which does not feel good. I have had such people explain their situation to me. I have heard of others in that situation who found a friend in a similar situation and they went out together to a restaurant for Thanksgiving, which beats the hell out of being alone. Such people are unlikely to be fans of Thanksgiving.
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