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Old 11-16-2012, 12:02 PM
 
420 posts, read 397,473 times
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My brother married a woman with one daughter. This woman did a horrible job raising this daughter (I'll call her "Freda"). Freda lies, she back stabs everyone, she's rude, she's nasty and just a plain awful human being. She has a son now (divorced, like who didn't see that one coming?) whom she is raising to be just as horrid. We've tried to be nice to her because of my brother and his wife, but it's come to a head now - just in time for Thanksgiving.

It's my turn to host Thanksgiving. My parents have flat stated that if Freda comes, they're not. Of course this puts my brother in a hard spot. Freda & son live close by to brother and SIL. As she has no friends, and SIL's family detests her, my brother and SIL are her only family and SIL mandates that we include her with all our family gatherings.

I've told my brother that he needs to tell SIL Freda needs to go spend some time with her father and/or aunts and uncles. I know this will make SIL absolutely livid that we're excluding Freda, but we're done. Since Christmas is at my brother's, we'll have to put up with her there, but we deserve a break.

Further, it's starting to affect our relationship with SIL, as she always gets angry if we don't include Freda, but says absolutely nothing about her brothers and sisters who can't stand Freda and never invite her, not to mention that Freda's own father avoids her like the plague. She's okay that they have nothing to do with her, but we're FORCED to have to put up with her.

Has anyone else run into this kind of situation?

Last edited by chicagurl; 11-16-2012 at 01:23 PM..
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:05 PM
 
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Tell your brother that Freda stays home or they are all uninvited, it is your home and nothing says you have to deal with someone like this. As far as Christmas, you are NOT required to go there either. Why do you think you are required to put up with this toxic person in your home or anywhere else? I wouldn't but I do not allow anyone who is toxic into my life and I don't care if they are blood related.
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
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Your brother is welcome to stop by Before or After he has Thanksgiving at his house with his own family if Freda is there.

You will have Christmas else where.
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:57 PM
 
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Another option is a holiday dinner at a restaurant. It's a quick escape if things go ugly. Also, some people who misbehave in private do better in public. Don't know if that applies
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Old 11-16-2012, 01:33 PM
 
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Our family is very close, which is why we've tried so hard to placate SIL all these years. It's kind of sad to think that we might end up with big divisions in our family thanks to Freda. Actually, I'm more angry about it than sad. I can't dictate who comes for dinner at my brother's house, so SIL will ensure that Freda is there. However, the rest of us have come to the conclusion that we're NOT putting up with her shennanigans anymore. This Christmas dinner will make or break us, we're done.

I'm still trying to figure out Thanksgiving, but the bottom line for me is that Freda is not welcome in my home. Brother and SIL are. End of subject. Brother can leave SIL and come alone, they can both stay home or they can leave that malignant POS and come together.
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Old 11-16-2012, 04:26 PM
 
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chicagurl, it sure is a drag when the family can't get along isn't it? , even more so when they start making "conditions" that need to be met before they'll even come around...I won't play into that part of the family dynamics, at my house they're all welcome, if they've got some reason not to show up, then so be it.
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Old 11-16-2012, 04:44 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
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It's your house - you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. If your brother and SIL have an issue with that then they can stay home and have their own Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-16-2012, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,018 posts, read 17,335,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
It's your house - you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. If your brother and SIL have an issue with that then they can stay home and have their own Thanksgiving.
I agree, especially since you have put up with Freda for years. Also, if SIL "allows" her siblings and ex-husband to not like and not invite Freda that is really unfair to you and your family.

Just put an end to it this year. What's Freda going to do if she is not invited and your front door is locked? Break it down to get inside?

As another poster wrote, just inform brother and SIL that if Freda comes with them, they aren't invited or coming inside either.
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Old 11-16-2012, 10:31 PM
 
16,018 posts, read 19,670,751 times
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Just avoid the whole mess and you and your family go to GrandMa's & GrandPa's, doesn't sound like your folks have a problem NOT inviting her. Just cook the dinner at your folks. Let them invite whomever they want. And, tell your Brother sorry, but you do not intend to participate in any family get togethers that include his sister in law....Why is this something you can't just end. If it was your sister, it might be different. But, you do not owe anything to your brothers inlaws, period.
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Old 11-17-2012, 12:37 AM
 
420 posts, read 397,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Just avoid the whole mess and you and your family go to GrandMa's & GrandPa's, doesn't sound like your folks have a problem NOT inviting her. Just cook the dinner at your folks. Let them invite whomever they want. And, tell your Brother sorry, but you do not intend to participate in any family get togethers that include his sister in law....Why is this something you can't just end. If it was your sister, it might be different. But, you do not owe anything to your brothers inlaws, period.
My parents detest her more than I do. If you read my original post, I stated that "My parents have flat out stated that if Freda comes, they're not." Also, it's not his sister-in-law, it's his step-daughter. My SIL feels that brother married her, her daughter comes with. Under normal circumstances, we would have no problem with that premise. However, SIL refuses to see what a horrible creature she raised, and worse, Freda's kid is a holy terror at age 4. Brother is supposed to talk to SIL this weekend, so I should know what's going to happen by tomorrow night.
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