Whats a good thing to say in this situation? (person)

[dave nz]

We have a elderly relative, which we care about very much. Just of late she has been putting herself down, about her own appearence.

I usually say, you look much better than most people your age. Or, you are doing well for your age.
Both are very much true statements.

Any other suggestions in things to say?

[Thursday007]

"For your age" isn't really helping and could be hurting and making the situation worse. If someone said that to me, I certainly wouldn't receive it as a compliment by any means. Compliment, but stop there. Adding quantifiers such as this is often offensive. It is also known as a back-handed compliment. It's no different than saying to an overweight person, "You look really nice for a person of your size."

"Boy, you look fantastic today." "I love that dress." "Something looks bright about you - did you get your hair done or something?" Then leave it at that. You might want to offer compliments that have nothing to do with her looks and try and divert her attention to other things.

[GoldyViolet]

I agree, avoid the "for your age" comment. I know you mean well with it, but no one really wants to hear that. It's just another reminder that she's old.

I agree with Thursday, compliment her on something other than her looks; maybe she'll focus on that instead.

[Inkpoe]

Instead of complimenting her, have you found out why there is a particular reason why she's starting to put herself down? I think it would be more helpful to find out the change and have a discussion.

Unless she's fishing for compliments, in which case, come up with whatever you know would please her (minus the "for your age").

[SXMGirl]

Is it possible that you could give her a day of pampering at a spa or just take her to have her hair and nails done? She might just want affirmation that she still looks good and spending some time primping might be the answer. I agree to stop saying "for her age." No one likes that.

[Marlow]

"I think you're absolutely lovely."

[purehuman]

I like to say : I'd be happy if I could look even half as good as you at your age".

[Thursday007]

Originally Posted by purehuman

I like to say : I'd be happy if I could look even half as good as you at your age".

You just killed your compliment with that.

[purehuman]

So what, are we supposed to pretend they're not old?..they know it, and so does everybody else. I didn't say "for your age", I said "at your age"..which could denote young and old alike.

[Coolhand68]

As Thursday suggested, keep her age out of the compliment. How old is she anyway?

Any chance she'd be open to someone treating her to a day at the spa for a new hairdo or makeover as SXMGirl suggested? Perhaps it will spark some newfound contentment with her appearance. Someone can suggest her hair may look better this way or that, or a few new tops or wardrobe tweaks.