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A few family members are giving me a hard time about not having a very big social life. I'm 29 and don't really have many friends. I spend a lot of time with my mother and we do almost everything together. I'm a full-time student while working 32 hours a week. These family members constantly give me a hard time about not going out on Friday nights or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. They say I should be hanging out more with people my age instead of my mother.
Thy act as if I don't have any friends. I have a few close friends whom I don't see very often since I am highly committed to school.
This really bothers me. I've always been the type to be content with one or two close friends. I tell them how much it upsets me but they just laugh and say I'm going to be alone forever if I don't change my attitude. They are really pushing me to meet somebody since I'm almost 30.
Right now my education is my top priority. Is there something wrong with me because I don't see a social life as a bigger priority than school? They're acting as if I never leave my house or see other people besides my mother!
I don't know what to do or how to tell them to back off. Any advice is appreciated!
You know, if you were in high school, this may be an issue, because you know how it was, the popular kids always had the biggest circle of friends and if you didn't have a lot of friends or no social life, you were a loser, etc, etc. But for God's sake, you're 29 and I doubt most people your age are looking at you, snickering at your lack of social life and friends. At this point in their lives, I'm sure they have more important things to worry about, like you know, marriage, raising a family, going to school, establishing careers, etc. Maybe your family members should get a clue. Also, once you graduate from high school/college, generally your circle of friends shrinks to just a few good friends. People marry, have kids, move away, whatever and naturally, your circle of friends shrinks as the years move on. That's life. I guarantee if you asked a bunch of 29 year-olds if they had more friends now than in high school/college, the majority would say no. When you're older, making friends is not as much as a priority as it is when you're in high school and college. Ask any young married couple with small kids how many friends they have and most will probably laugh at you and say, friends? What are those? We don't have time for friends! Finally, you're a grown woman, if you want to have no friends or 1000 friends, party all night or hide in a corner all day, who friggin cares?? It's your life. You can live it the way you want it. Why are they so concerned about it?
I am struck by the fact you are an "English Major" and have "very little friends." I guess this means your friends tend to be very petite - very small . . .midgets, "little people," or dwarves, correct?
I only clicked on this thread because I wanted to say this, but I was way too late. Thanks for the laugh.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,455,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnglishMajor1983
Here's my situation.
A few family members are giving me a hard time about not having a very big social life. I'm 29 and don't really have many friends. I spend a lot of time with my mother and we do almost everything together. I'm a full-time student while working 32 hours a week. These family members constantly give me a hard time about not going out on Friday nights or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. They say I should be hanging out more with people my age instead of my mother.
Thy act as if I don't have any friends. I have a few close friends whom I don't see very often since I am highly committed to school.
This really bothers me. I've always been the type to be content with one or two close friends. I tell them how much it upsets me but they just laugh and say I'm going to be alone forever if I don't change my attitude. They are really pushing me to meet somebody since I'm almost 30.
Right now my education is my top priority. Is there something wrong with me because I don't see a social life as a bigger priority than school? They're acting as if I never leave my house or see other people besides my mother!
I don't know what to do or how to tell them to back off. Any advice is appreciated!
IMO folks here are right, it's your life and live it the way you want. That said, you're also now a young woman and need to get out of the comfort level of the "nest". And to become a reasonably mature and well-rounded adult, learning to deal with other folks, and other genders, and other types of relationships, should also be an important part of your "education". So your relatives may not be very tactful at telling you this, but you still might give it some serious thought and see about expanding your "comfort levels" and emotional development just a bit too!
BTW, turn it around, and if you ever start dating, how would you feel about having a relationship with immature "late bloomer" guys, whose closest friend is "Mom"?
A few family members are giving me a hard time about not having a very big social life. I'm 29 and don't really have many friends. I spend a lot of time with my mother and we do almost everything together. I'm a full-time student while working 32 hours a week. These family members constantly give me a hard time about not going out on Friday nights or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. They say I should be hanging out more with people my age instead of my mother.
Thy act as if I don't have any friends. I have a few close friends whom I don't see very often since I am highly committed to school.
This really bothers me. I've always been the type to be content with one or two close friends. I tell them how much it upsets me but they just laugh and say I'm going to be alone forever if I don't change my attitude. They are really pushing me to meet somebody since I'm almost 30.
Right now my education is my top priority. Is there something wrong with me because I don't see a social life as a bigger priority than school? They're acting as if I never leave my house or see other people besides my mother!
I don't know what to do or how to tell them to back off. Any advice is appreciated!
I'll be honest..I have my wife and friends, but my mother IS my best friend. Not too many people can say that. Keep doing what you are, and things will fall into place.
I have to agree with everyone. It's just the way you are wired and we should all be accepted and respected for being born that way. I married an introvert and he went so far as to say "Why can't it just be you and me". He wanted me to give up my friends and pets and be what? An introvert too? Well fast forward 27 years and he's been constantly bombarded by people of all races, ages, and sexual orientation. He's also had to deal with pets conventional and not running through our house. He's not an introvert any more and sometimes I don't recognize him. If you are comfortable in your solitude then please don't marry someone like me. It could ruin your life. Oh and could I borrow your mother? She sounds wonderful and I never had that growing up. You're very fortunate and there's nothing wrong with her being your best friend.
EM1983, you sound very much like myself. I mainly go places with my mother. I don't have many friends (too many bad experiences).
My family does the same as yours does.
When you don't fit within their idea of "normal", then expect to be treated in an unpleasing way. Some people don't respect uniqueness. If you're not like everyone else, then there's something wrong with you.
Nope there's nothing wrong with you, just them. They're nosy. You said it yourself; your education is your first priority, so hit those books and don't try to be someone you're not.
A few family members are giving me a hard time about not having a very big social life. I'm 29 and don't really have many friends. I spend a lot of time with my mother and we do almost everything together. I'm a full-time student while working 32 hours a week. These family members constantly give me a hard time about not going out on Friday nights or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. They say I should be hanging out more with people my age instead of my mother.
Thy act as if I don't have any friends. I have a few close friends whom I don't see very often since I am highly committed to school.
This really bothers me. I've always been the type to be content with one or two close friends. I tell them how much it upsets me but they just laugh and say I'm going to be alone forever if I don't change my attitude. They are really pushing me to meet somebody since I'm almost 30.
Right now my education is my top priority. Is there something wrong with me because I don't see a social life as a bigger priority than school? They're acting as if I never leave my house or see other people besides my mother!
I don't know what to do or how to tell them to back off. Any advice is appreciated!
like mayita said, i am the same way too. i am an engineering student and working my azz off. and i want to take care of my mother and move her out here once i get my degree.
screw anyone who doesn't understand. when you have your education and are doing well then you can embark on a social life. people will still be there when you decide to come out. don't let it bother you and don't let anyone get in the way of your goals
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