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Old 11-27-2012, 01:28 AM
 
3,947 posts, read 4,118,499 times
Reputation: 4711

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mayita View Post
I read somewhere that no rational human being wakes up in the morning and decides to become a bully's target. The victim is never to blame.
Agreed. I love how people like to group think by blaming the intended target, then making up all the excuses for poor behavior because they "deserved it." Nobody chooses to be bullied.

I'm all for standing up to people like that, even if it means I get excluded from the group even more.

At the end of the day, a person can only live with themselves.

Those who like to pull others down eventually get pulled down themselves.

Never a pretty picture. But in the short-run it seems to appear so grand when people get short-sighted when they act 'low.'

In a sense, I feel sorry for people like that. There's much more to life than trivial stuff to trip over.
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:34 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
OP....This post is probably a fine example of the snooty behaviors you're trying to describe. Talk about assumptions...
I would just not tell them anything. I am one of those folks that doesn't share my info at work. I find it intrusive to share personal info w/ someone that doesn't even know me. I've had my share of snarky women in my life...if you aren't someone that I go do things with outside of work, I'm not giving much personal info beyond the basics, and I'm sure not sharing my problems.
Hardly. I'm just advising her to not yield up entire treasure troves of personal information.

But here's the rub about posts like this -- they are almost never tell the entire story. The facts are always slanted in the OP's favor, while the OP depicts himself or herself as the very soul of tact and propriety. I mean, jeez, we can't even get a straight story in the original post. In one sentence, all these co-workers despise her and in the next sentence they're all close-knit, sharing every single detail of their lives. To be sure, there are snarky women and men out there. But in just about every group you can find, those people tend to be in the decided minority.

C'mon. Do you really expect us to believe that an entire office of people irrationally hate this woman because she's single? Really? That the entire staff of her office all just decided to start a vendetta with her one day? Or is it because maybe, just maybe that she contributed to this in some way or another?
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:32 AM
 
679 posts, read 1,048,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
C'mon. Do you really expect us to believe that an entire office of people irrationally hate this woman because she's single? Really? That the entire staff of her office all just decided to start a vendetta with her one day? Or is it because maybe, just maybe that she contributed to this in some way or another?
Nope, but having been the target of workplace bullying, I'd say there are probably a couple of ringleaders who have it out for her and a few followers/minions. Then the others are afraid to say anything lest they become a target.

No one asks to be a target or deserves to be a target. But I've learned the hard way, limiting what you choose to let colleagues know about yourself, while being quasi-social and nipping any attempted bullying in the bud go a long way to protecting against bullying. We lock our doors to protect ourselves and our property. Ideally, we shouldn't have to do that, but we do. It doesn't mean it's your fault if you're robbed. Just that there are ways to lessen the chance of being robbed. Same with bullying.

And there are people who really don't like single/childless/childfree co-workers. I've dealt with a couple of them. I just stopped saying anything about my personal life to them. Interestingly enough, they would both talk endlessly about their own personal lives. I learned the best thing to do with people like this is just listen and don't trust that you're building a rapport/trust. They're not sharing to bond, they're sharing to gather information they can use against you. Friendships in the workplace are tricky. I still have good friends from a couple of entry level jobs. So friendships can definitely bloom in the workplace. But most people, if push comes to shove, will act in self-interest.

Another way to deal with office gossips is to have a vague idea what celebrities are up to. One of the women who had a problem with me being single was obsessed with the whole Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan saga, which was in the news at the time. I found I could just throw her a tidbit I heard about one of them and she'd chew on that for awhile and leave me alone. I'd also do that when she tried to talk trash about our co-workers.

While it may be dull to follow celebrities, this tactic is effective because:

1) It feeds the person's need for negativity without drawing you or other co-workers in

2) You don't become known as the audience for the trash talker. My fear with the former co-worker was that people would hear her talking trash and think that I agreed with her. We shared office space so it was hard to avoid her. While confrontation can be effective and necessary sometimes, I do try to resolve things other ways if possible first. Diverting her from talking about our co-workers was an effective way to deal with it. Several people complimented me on how well I handled that.

Last edited by exscapegoat; 11-27-2012 at 08:44 AM..
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:08 AM
 
1,004 posts, read 2,028,356 times
Reputation: 918
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Hardly. I'm just advising her to not yield up entire treasure troves of personal information.

But here's the rub about posts like this -- they are almost never tell the entire story. The facts are always slanted in the OP's favor, while the OP depicts himself or herself as the very soul of tact and propriety. I mean, jeez, we can't even get a straight story in the original post. In one sentence, all these co-workers despise her and in the next sentence they're all close-knit, sharing every single detail of their lives. To be sure, there are snarky women and men out there. But in just about every group you can find, those people tend to be in the decided minority.

C'mon. Do you really expect us to believe that an entire office of people irrationally hate this woman because she's single? Really? That the entire staff of her office all just decided to start a vendetta with her one day? Or is it because maybe, just maybe that she contributed to this in some way or another?

I don't know.....have you worked with some women. Nothing but the DRAMAH!!!!
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:11 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
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Shucks. I work in a biz that's mostly women. I had an office with twelve employees, ten of whom were women. Yeah, there was some of that, but not a lot. And the women with all the drama were the ones who got the axe.
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:26 AM
 
679 posts, read 1,048,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Shucks. I work in a biz that's mostly women. I had an office with twelve employees, ten of whom were women. Yeah, there was some of that, but not a lot. And the women with all the drama were the ones who got the axe.
That's the key. I'm currently at a workplace where my supervisor makes it clear she won't tolerate that and it's one of the best work environments I've ever had. I've also worked at workplaces where the supervisor either looks the otherway/tolerates it and even workplaces where the supervisor is part of the problem.

If the supervisor doesn't do anything to stop it or worse, encourages or ringleads it, it can run rampant and get pretty bad.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:01 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,592,992 times
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I'm sorry that your office has to deal with such drivel. The workers there know about my child free lifestyle and other than the occasional backhand remark like "Well, if I had such disposable income then I would go to.....too." While, I can fire them over it but it's not worth it. I've had to step in between this co-worker verbally abusing another co-worker. Here I though bullying stayed in the schools. I should've known I mean look at a police officer.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:11 AM
 
1,004 posts, read 2,028,356 times
Reputation: 918
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Shucks. I work in a biz that's mostly women. I had an office with twelve employees, ten of whom were women. Yeah, there was some of that, but not a lot. And the women with all the drama were the ones who got the axe.
I wish I worked where you did My past jobs those types of women ruled the roost........

Now things are better. My current co-worker has a sister who's going through the exact same thing. Only thing is she bites back, LOL
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:04 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,067 posts, read 8,335,760 times
Reputation: 11540
I'd just ignore them too. And not reveal anything personal to anyone. I reveal personal details to some people are work while others don't know anything about me. I think married people with kids forget what it's like to be single. I don't know if they are jealous of your freedom, really happy and think anyone who isn't married with kids is missing out or what. Some people don't think you can live a fulfilling life without being married with kids. I totally want to have a family one of these days, but I think people who don't need that and travel and enjoy their lives alone are awesome in a different way.
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:09 PM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,726,980 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by mayita View Post
I am the only single, childless woman at work, and those women HATE me. And arent afraid to say it.

How do you deal with that? We are close knit and talk about our lifes and some of them just basically either envy my freedom and disposable income or just plain hate me.

Any advice woudl be appreciated.
I would not talk to them about your life anymore, drill into your own head that it's none of their business, and definitely don't tell them anything that could be used against you in some sort of way.
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