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I am 36 and have no kids BY CHOICE. Nobody ever dared talking to me in a way as some people describe it here. Because I don't even let them go there.
When people ask me if I have children and I say no, I get some pitiful looks sometimes, that's it. Most of my friends with kids openly envy me but in a nice way. They say "If I wouldnt have kids, I would do this ... or that with you" or they say "don't have kids, it ruins your body" and we joke about it.
If somebody would talk down to me I would just say "because I dont have kids I can do what you just dream of". Or I'd say "I don't want to be broke for 20 years" or "I don't want to trady my sports car with a minivan".
Maybe people offend you openly because you are not firm enough in your personality.
Make an effort to befriend the nastiest office gossip. The Queen. Most office situations like this will have someone at the helm. Don't tell her anything really personal, but make an effort to be friendly to her. You could talk to her about celebrity gossip, tv shows, makeup, sports, etc, whatever she is into. Invite her out to lunch, don't say anything about how the mean women in the office are treating you, just hang out.
At the very least it seems like she would be more friendly to your face. That's all you really need.
I have been in office situations like this before, and it was terrible. I would stop giving these people ammunition, which sounds like what you have been doing. Even if you've been dating, don't tell them a thing about it. If they ask, just say, "My dating life is really boring right now."
Maybe tone down the makeup and wardrobe? There's nothing wrong with dressing well/being pretty, but really all you need in an office is to present yourself in a professional manner.
Other people might want to address these types of things head on, but I think a more passive approach is best. After all, this is where your pay check comes from, and truth be told, if you match their cattiness levels, things will probably only escalate more and more, until you absolutely dread going to work.
This is all so typical. I worked in a department where similiar drama was always taking place and sometimes reached a boiling over point. Once, after getting private feedback on the situation from those of us not involved, my Supervisor shook her head, looked at me and just said she sometimes wished all of us were males. She said men keep quiet with a minimum of drama, get the job done and in general create a work environment with less drama than one with women. I just smiled. It seemed like the real problems in our department were the older women, say those over 60. Talk about drama queens.
It seemed like the real problems in our department were the older women, say those over 60. Talk about drama queens.
My experience also. It was an office environment (manufacturer) and I was the lone single 20-something. No BF or husband at the time, so no kids. Most of the women had their divorced daughters and her child living with them. Of course, dad nowhere to be found. First, they used to harass me about not being married. Then, when I hit my 30's, it was about not being married AND having kids. What's wrong with me? I finally said one day to them, "nothing's wrong with me. When you think about it, I'm right on schedule, when you look at all your daughters. They're all unmarried now, like me. Except I'm not burdening my parents with my kids."
Faces fell, I got reported (of course, I was sooooo mean), but I heard nothing about it from HR. Though one of my co-workers did tell me that our supervisor told them it's time they left me the hell alone. LOL
My experience also. It was an office environment (manufacturer) and I was the lone single 20-something. No BF or husband at the time, so no kids. Most of the women had their divorced daughters and her child living with them. Of course, dad nowhere to be found. First, they used to harass me about not being married. Then, when I hit my 30's, it was about not being married AND having kids. What's wrong with me? I finally said one day to them, "nothing's wrong with me. When you think about it, I'm right on schedule, when you look at all your daughters. They're all unmarried now, like me. Except I'm not burdening my parents with my kids."
Faces fell, I got reported (of course, I was sooooo mean), but I heard nothing about it from HR. Though one of my co-workers did tell me that our supervisor told them it's time they left me the hell alone. LOL
Awesome! I'm in my 40s. I've been the younger woman starting out in the workplace, I'm now the middle aged woman and eventually, I'll be the pushing retirement age woman. I've noticed some women are intensely jealous of the looks/opportunities of younger women. I figured I had my time, now it's their time to enjoy being young and at the start of their worklives. Not all older women were jealous, some were quite kind and took the time to mentor me when I was younger and as another poster said, I try to pay that forward and mentor younger workers (both women and men). Older men also mentored me as well when I was younger.
I think it's sad when someone is so insecure and jealous that they hate someone for merely being young. I think women are more prone to it because of how aging women in our society are treated vs. aging men. But it's not the new 20something female employee's fault that happens.
I am 35... But dress and act younger ... So anyway it is true that not all older ladies are like that. I meet my best friend at work and she is like my second mother, and she is 63... And she is pretty too....
Anyway i have been very friendly but quiet and super nice to them and somehow they calmed down some.
I figured I had my time, now it's their time to enjoy being young and at the start of their worklives. Not all older women were jealous, some were quite kind and took the time to mentor me when I was younger and as another poster said, I try to pay that forward and mentor younger workers (both women and men). Older men also mentored me as well when I was younger.
I think it's sad when someone is so insecure and jealous that they hate someone for merely being young. I think women are more prone to it because of how aging women in our society are treated vs. aging men. But it's not the new 20something female employee's fault that happens.
This is a great attitude. I for one am proud of the changes I have made as I've gotten older. Every year I feel so much wiser. I would never choose to trade my knowledge for youth. There are so many things to look forward too and live for other than sexual attractiveness. Everyone has their time to be young, the best thing to do is embrace life at every stage
OP....seems like you are on a good course for diffusing this negativity. I wish you continued peace at work.
Seems so sad that so many folks are experiencing negativity at work. I was the youngest in one of my first jobs. The other employees babied me, looked out for me...and were almost like a second family. I always try that route w/ others. But, there are some folks that are just hateful, no matter what age.
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