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Old 10-13-2007, 05:04 PM
 
477 posts, read 2,020,663 times
Reputation: 310

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k its gonna be long but please be patient....u could help me from becomming a monster lol

k so back in 7th grade my parents divorced...
my mom goes insane...i had to start to steal to eat on nights my mom didnt feed me
outside the house my life is pretty good, but when ever i come back at my house she takes out her depression on me and treats me like a ****in slave...
this continued until i got my own car in which i started workin and supportin myself....but DAMN i cant believe this.....shes just insane
for ex:we were eating out at pancake house the other day
and they tell us to wait but then she starts flipping out on the waiter just b/c we had to wait 5 min and has like a 5th grader snob face on and just PISSES ME OFF...i totally thought it was no big deal witing 5 min but geez shes like a 4th grader who didnt get her candy......this is why i hate eating out with her b/c she dampens everything and just everything negative....

she comes from a classy family who is supposed to have the ideal life, kids, family....when her marriage ended she just lost it......ive even talked to my grandparents about this and theyre like we know, u just have to help her...
also court order: i meet with my counselors and try to help her out as much as ican...but counselors tell me my moms the one that needs help not me.....
i really need help ignoring her b/c helping her hasnt done **** for 6 years...
im a senior at high school and my lifes been pretty gay b/c of her
outside house life is good, but still i cant always be smiling when back at home is complete chaos....i dont wanna feel like a fake when my home is total BS.....so how do i ignore her and get on with my life????please help
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Old 10-13-2007, 05:22 PM
 
558 posts, read 2,059,316 times
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I was SO happy when I saw that you are a senior...why? Cuz you are getting an education for your future...AND...you're almost out of there!!! You are in a super difficult situation right now. Do you think you can make it until graduation? I wish you had the option of maybe staying with your grandparents, but it doesn't sound likely. I know they say you have to help her, but it's OK to realize that you can't save someone else--they can only save themselves. You are not responsible for any of this, or for trying to save her. Right now, your job is to take the best care of yourself you can, plan for a great future (you CAN definitely have one, in spite of this rough start), and make it to graduation and beyond.

Is there anyone where you work that can help? Keeping a smile for the outside world shows maturity...but it is OK to find someone, a friend, relative, someone at school, work, etc., who you think would be good to talk to and let it out a little.

In the meantime, try to minimize going to public places with her...for your own comfort.

I care...and am here for you!
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Old 10-13-2007, 05:26 PM
 
1,397 posts, read 4,402,868 times
Reputation: 2672
I agree with previous post. GOOD LUCK!!!
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Old 10-13-2007, 05:30 PM
 
477 posts, read 2,020,663 times
Reputation: 310
woah savemtns.......kind of CREEPY but i LOVE it
one of the few really good encouragements i have had from other people....
ive talked with counselors, cops, and moms friends but they just say to help her out....
and never works.
i am so thankful for this positivity and will stride for a better tomorrow
thank you
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Back in NYS
2,489 posts, read 7,428,431 times
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MrGrape - I also agree with SaveMtns. Your mom has problems and those problems are hers, and hers to "fix" - The problems are not yours and they are not yours to fix.

While you are living with her, it will be difficult to just ignore her, just do the best you can. In a few months when you graduate, you can hopefully move out. Will you be going to college? If so, you will definitely be able to put some distance between the two of you. If you won't be going to college, start thinking about lining up a job so you can get your own place, or a place to share with a couple of other friends who will be working, so you can all chip in for the expenses. Like SaveMtns said - try to limit your time out together - you don't need the hassle or embarrassment your mother causes.

Again, it is up to your mother to get help - it is not your responsibility to help her. If you get flack from your grandparents (or anyone else) about how you should be helping her, tell them, "I am. I'm teaching her she is responsible for her actions and her life." In reality, that is exactly what you will be doing.
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 2,592,876 times
Reputation: 556
MrGrape - Have you taken the ACT/SAT? Have you applied to any colleges yet? Your mom will need to complete the FAFSA as soon as possible in February. Your school counselor can provide all the guidance you should need to begin to pursue a college career. The best way for you to have options in your future including who you live with, who you depend on, and who you dine out with is to have an education. If you haven't started the process of investigating this part of your future, you can begin to do so this week. Good luck!
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:38 PM
 
477 posts, read 2,020,663 times
Reputation: 310
yeh thanks guys
im planning to go to a community college for the first 2 years due to financial concerns....my mom also gets at me at this b/c she thinks I couldnt get in but i actually had good grades but just gave up senior year on hard courses due to money problems.... i have dreams, goals, and ambition towards the future..
right now my motto is it doesnt matter where you live, but how you live..
if i ever have kids...i will definently be a good parent.
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Back in NYS
2,489 posts, read 7,428,431 times
Reputation: 2107
MrGrape - You said your parents are divorced - Do you have any contact with your Dad?
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Old 10-13-2007, 07:17 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,839,861 times
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If your grandparents can't help her why would they ask a kid in high school to help her? People are so peculiar sometimes.

You can keep loving her, but her life is her responsibility. Everyone here is giving you good advice. The more education you get the better off you'll be. And yes, what about your dad? Are there other relatives who can help you with college expenses?

What you're doing is tough, but you sound like you can handle it. Feel free to keep posting here. It helps to know someone is listening.

Take care.
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Old 10-13-2007, 07:26 PM
 
558 posts, read 2,059,316 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrgrape View Post
woah savemtns.......kind of CREEPY but i LOVE it
one of the few really good encouragements i have had from other people....
ive talked with counselors, cops, and moms friends but they just say to help her out....
and never works.
i am so thankful for this positivity and will stride for a better tomorrow
thank you
They probably say to help her out because they don't know what else to say... I have experienced some of what you are describing. I finally realized all I could do was move on, find my own way--let her problems be her problems. Community college is a great way to get started. I hope you can find some other girls to room with and GET AWAY so you can live peacefully! It's time for you to be able to enjoy a less-complicated life--with the ability to focus on being a college-kid. BTW - now, much later, my mom and I get along fine. Sometimes I still feel like the more mature one , but what happened is that I got away from the situation, grew up, and was able to accept the situation for what it was.

For now, take care of YOU!
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