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Old 11-27-2012, 01:09 PM
 
198 posts, read 392,015 times
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Maybe they're just on an anti-consumerist kick? Maybe they just loathe gift shopping, and reducing the time they spend at the mall is gift enough to them?

 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:10 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,753 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
you seem to be taking this a bit more "personal" then I would. I can see where you could see some hypocrisy, being that she didn't send it out to "everyone", however maybe the people she didn't send it to don't get gifts from her anyway. as they say in court, don't assume facts not in evidence.

at a certain point adults really don't need gifts and to buy one solely because it has been done for years is not a good reason. half the time the sweater you buy for uncle or the nick knack for aunty don't have much meaning, it becomes more a duty because they get you something. more a tit for tat.

christmas is for the kids or at least it should be.
No that is not the way it happens. She has given Xmas gifts to other adults right in front of us when she had previously made a supposed "moratorium" on giving gifts to adults. I suppose I am just good enough to buy stuff for HER kid.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:11 PM
 
1,917 posts, read 3,946,648 times
Reputation: 1523
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
I don't have children.
Duly noted.

Well, your sister knows what she's doing, and she believes her actions are right. Let her be.

As I wrote: what we sow, we reap. Don't be surprised if later on, your other siblings and your own mother treat her with less warmth/love than she's accustomed to. Not that it would be right, but it'd be understandable.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:11 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,578,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
What would you do if you received this email from your own sister?

"I want to let everyone know in advance that I am only giving gifts to children this year. Please do not get anything for [her husband] or myself."

She sent this to all our siblings, plus our own mother! (I wonder how my sister would feel if her own daughter treats her this way when she grows up.)

They are not experiencing financial problems. As a matter of fact, they are doing VERY well. She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.

This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.

Also note, four of the people she sent the email to do not have any children at all.

And note that this sister has a young daughter, yet I suppose she expects people to buy her daughter gifts as she didn't say anything like "don't get anything for my daughter either."

What do you think of somebody who would do this to their own family? What is wrong with her? I am loathe to bring it up as she and her husband are also known for holding ridiculous grudges (although there are definitely no current family grudges that could bring on such an email). It is very rude the way she treats her own family compared to other people.

Perhaps the old "Italian" curse is in order: "May your children treat YOU like you treat your parents."

Has anybody had family treat them this way during the holidays? I thought family was supposed to stick together.
You know, I have to appreciate her sentiment. It's not a matter of money. It's a matter of time. The time before Christmas is crazy enough without having to plunge into the shopping mall one more time in order to pick up a pointless gift for a brother-in-law.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:12 PM
 
1,917 posts, read 3,946,648 times
Reputation: 1523
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
No that is not the way it happens. She has given Xmas gifts to other adults right in front of us when she had previously made a supposed "moratorium" on giving gifts to adults. I suppose I am just good enough to buy stuff for HER kid.
I agree this isn't right. But if that's what she wants to do, let her. It will have ramifications later on. She'll have to face them then.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:12 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,753 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
I actually don't see anything wrong with the e-mail. She doesn't want to get gifts and she's not buying gifts for other adults. Seems reasonable. Just because they have money to buy gifts doesn't mean they are obligated...I think this is a pretty standard way of doing gift giving these days.
The problem is she's a liar and a hypocrite. She does give Xmas gifts to other adults, such as her husband's family and some of their friends.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:15 PM
 
13,742 posts, read 14,579,691 times
Reputation: 11425
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
No that is not the way it happens. She has given Xmas gifts to other adults right in front of us when she had previously made a supposed "moratorium" on giving gifts to adults. I suppose I am just good enough to buy stuff for HER kid.
again if you view her as a hypocrite or rude to her family you have every right to feel that way. however no need to worry about how she treats others that is on her. maybe lots of people feel the same way about her as you do, maybe not. she can feel generous or give a gift to who ever she wants for whatever reason she wants to. either way it's on her. "consider the source" as they said in the old days, and try not to let it bother you. let it go so you can enjoy the holidays, concentrate on the kids.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:15 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,753 times
Reputation: 275
If she actually STUCK to not giving Xmas gifts to ADULTS PERIOD I would not have written this post. Just wondering how others would feel. TY for the replies so far.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:15 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,458,665 times
Reputation: 28900
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
What would you do if you received this email from your own sister?

"I want to let everyone know in advance that I am only giving gifts to children this year. Please do not get anything for [her husband] or myself."

She sent this to all our siblings, plus our own mother! (I wonder how my sister would feel if her own daughter treats her this way when she grows up.)

They are not experiencing financial problems. As a matter of fact, they are doing VERY well. She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.

This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.

Also note, four of the people she sent the email to do not have any children at all.

And note that this sister has a young daughter, yet I suppose she expects people to buy her daughter gifts as she didn't say anything like "don't get anything for my daughter either."

What do you think of somebody who would do this to their own family? What is wrong with her? I am loathe to bring it up as she and her husband are also known for holding ridiculous grudges (although there are definitely no current family grudges that could bring on such an email). It is very rude the way she treats her own family compared to other people.

Perhaps the old "Italian" curse is in order: "May your children treat YOU like you treat your parents."

Has anybody had family treat them this way during the holidays? I thought family was supposed to stick together.
She didn't handle the situation with grace or tact. It also seems she and her husband are playing favorites among the adults, if what you say is true about them saying this to your family in the past but then buying gifts for the adults on his side of the family. (BTW, how do you know this? And how do you know that she did not send a similar email out to his family this year?)

I guess the intent here is all that matters.

BUT I can understand how people get fed up with gift-giving at the holidays. It's just such a racket.

There were times in my family when they all decided "just the kids." In my immaturity at the time, it annoyed me because I don't have kids, so that meant I was buying gifts for nieces and nephews but getting nothing from my siblings.

Note how I say "in my immaturity." Now I realize that it is churlish to feel that way. First, there's no need to resent a child because the parents say something irksome. The child has nothing to do with it. Second, complaining about not getting any gifts is just tacky and greedy.

The holidays are supposed to be about kindness and GIVING, not getting.

Again, I can see where you might be peeved as her lack of tact and her and her husband's apparent favoritism. But if I were you, I'd let it go. Get her kid a gift because you like the kid, and be glad you can save money by not buying something for your sister and her husband.
 
Old 11-27-2012, 01:16 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,753 times
Reputation: 275
I also feel VERY BAD for my mother. I know she is hurt. Who in the world does not give Xmas gifts to their own parents? Who?
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