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Old 11-29-2012, 03:01 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,945 times
Reputation: 275

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
How would I feel? Confused that she gave to some but not all, but still relieved that I didn't feel compelled to give the adults in her family gifts.

What would I do? Nothing.

I have a feeling that this email is but one shot in a long war between you two sisters, or between multiple family members. You can always stay home. You could also host a gathering the day before, or the day after Christmas, or New Year's eve or day, to see the family members you want to see.
Thank you very much!

 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,274,658 times
Reputation: 6774
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
What would you do if you received this email from your own sister?

"I want to let everyone know in advance that I am only giving gifts to children this year. Please do not get anything for [her husband] or myself."

She sent this to all our siblings, plus our own mother! (I wonder how my sister would feel if her own daughter treats her this way when she grows up.)

They are not experiencing financial problems. As a matter of fact, they are doing VERY well. She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.

This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.

Also note, four of the people she sent the email to do not have any children at all.

And note that this sister has a young daughter, yet I suppose she expects people to buy her daughter gifts as she didn't say anything like "don't get anything for my daughter either."

What do you think of somebody who would do this to their own family? What is wrong with her? I am loathe to bring it up as she and her husband are also known for holding ridiculous grudges (although there are definitely no current family grudges that could bring on such an email). It is very rude the way she treats her own family compared to other people.

Perhaps the old "Italian" curse is in order: "May your children treat YOU like you treat your parents."

Has anybody had family treat them this way during the holidays? I thought family was supposed to stick together.


she announces you're all grown up enough not to need something under the tree and all of a sudden she's betraying her family?



Well haven't you fallen for the Christmas Consumer Frenzy hook, line and sinker.

We gave up buying adult gifts years ago, when the first grandchild came along. Gifts are for kids. Christmas is supposed to be about sharing good times with friends and family and of course, Jesus if you're that way inclined.

Not PRESENTS!!

No one will be getting presents from me this year, I'm too broke...and no one will see it as a betrayal!

How awful...how shallow...how grasping and greedy and completely opposite to what the season is supposed to symbolise.

 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:09 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,945 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by PippySkiddles View Post
she won't take constructive help. She wants to hear what she wants to hear. her posts are getting more and more frenetic.........
You keep believing her if you wish to. I'll post and respond because I can.

According to another thread she began sometime back, she indicates she had a stroke. Maybe she's having repurcussions of that.
Also in that thread she jumps around with her tale. First she is having problems at work after stroke. Thinks employer wants to fire her. Says she isn't disabled. Says she can't be fired because she's disabled. Says she can do her job but they watch her and others get preferential treatment.
On and on and on...............just like on this thread. I suggest-again-therapy/counseling and perhaps another consult with a neurologist,
I am so flattered you choose to spend so much of your time studying me and relishing my challenges in life. Whatever turns you on! I hope this does not disappoint you, but I still have that job, got a good review and raise, and my health is doing fine.

Your bordering-on-vicious posts on this thread say a lot about what kind of person YOU are. I don't need nor want to waste my time looking anything about you up.

When bad things happen to you, be sure and remember how you treat others when they have problems and ask for help or advice.

If you don't know the meaning of schadenfreude I suggest you look it up. Perhaps incorporate it into your personal "vision statement" since you are so adept at practicing it.

Please post again when you actually have something relevant and useful to say. Thank you!
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:15 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,945 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post


she announces you're all grown up enough not to need something under the tree and all of a sudden she's betraying her family?



Well haven't you fallen for the Christmas Consumer Frenzy hook, line and sinker.

We gave up buying adult gifts years ago, when the first grandchild came along. Gifts are for kids. Christmas is supposed to be about sharing good times with friends and family and of course, Jesus if you're that way inclined.

Not PRESENTS!!

No one will be getting presents from me this year, I'm too broke...and no one will see it as a betrayal!

How awful...how shallow...how grasping and greedy and completely opposite to what the season is supposed to symbolise.

Did you miss this part of information in the original post?

She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.

This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.


I was upset because my sister does not do this with ALL adults. If it was "only gifts for children" across the board I would not have had a problem with it.

She also gives the gifts to the adults she "buys for" right in front of those she "does not buy for."

What would you do if you were in this situation:

Sister gives Xmas gifts to other adults right in front of us when she had previously made a supposed "moratorium" on giving gifts to adults.

How would you feel? Why? What would you do?
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:16 PM
 
13,147 posts, read 20,724,362 times
Reputation: 35326
I had no problem with the sister's original email. I have heard the same sentiment from many people, and I share it. I am perfectly happy to celebrate the holidays merely by sharing a meal and a good time with friends and relatives. I believe the OP feels the same.

The only issue here is that the sister is ok with exchanging gifts with one side of the family (her husband's), and not with her own relatives. Meanwhile, both sides are present at the same time, creating the awkwardness of half of the guests watching the other half open gifts.

OP, once again, call your sister, and let her know you don't want to witness her in-laws gift exchange. That is a perfectly acceptable response.
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:20 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,945 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I had no problem with the sister's original email. I have heard the same sentiment from many people, and I share it. I am perfectly happy to celebrate the holidays merely by sharing a meal and a good time with friends and relatives. I believe the OP feels the same.

The only issue here is that the sister is ok with exchanging gifts with one side of the family (her husband's), and not with her own relatives. Meanwhile, both sides are present at the same time, creating the awkwardness of half of the guests watching the other half open gifts.

OP, once again, call your sister, and let her know you don't want to witness her in-laws gift exchange. That is a perfectly acceptable response.

Thank you for understanding and offering reasonable ideas. I have to work out a way to say things without causing WWIII.
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:20 PM
 
12,890 posts, read 15,376,233 times
Reputation: 14833
Hi, Sunny Chantal....I'm thinking that letter your sister sent you should be taken with "a grain of salt"...Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let it slide...You may not agree with what she does, but that's ok, she is who she is...sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to try NOT to figure out why they do or say what they do...you all know her, so what's to analyse?
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:27 PM
 
244 posts, read 224,945 times
Reputation: 275
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
Hi, Sunny Chantal....I'm thinking that letter your sister sent you should be taken with "a grain of salt"...Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let it slide...You may not agree with what she does, but that's ok, she is who she is...sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to try NOT to figure out why they do or say what they do...you all know her, so what's to analyse?
Thank you very much! On the one hand, I am veering towards discussing it with the sister in question, on the other hand ... your suggestion looks good too. I thank you for your suggestion and I also thank you for being reasonable. I started this thread for help, but who would know that with the insults being posted left and right.
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,489,908 times
Reputation: 16765
Quote:
Originally Posted by Data1000 View Post
It would have been thoughtful for your sister to discuss this with you first, but at least she let everyone know her decision. Several years ago, my sisters all decided to stop giving Christmas gifts to siblings, but failed to inform their brother (me). If I was you, I would just concentrate on the benefits of not needing to spend time and money shopping for a gift that the recipients won't be crazy about.
Even if the sister can afford to buy gifts for everyone, can they all afford to do it? That is another consideration. One year, the kids and spouses drew for who to give a gift and the kids all got one. The kids didn't need fancy ones if you couldn't afford it since they were little. But this meant that those who didn't really have the wherewithall to buy a lot of adult gifts didn't have to feel bad about it.

Worked out fine. The kids got cheap stuff and expensive stuff and didn't know the difference and nobody felt left out.

Personally if someone wants to know what I want I refer them to my Amazon wish list. Lots of choices at lots of prices.
 
Old 11-29-2012, 03:35 PM
 
79 posts, read 68,751 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyChantal View Post
If she actually STUCK to not giving Xmas gifts to ADULTS PERIOD I would not have written this post. Just wondering how others would feel. TY for the replies so far.
No one can tell you how to feel. But perhaps your sister believes that she doesn't have to BUY the love and acceptance of those of her adult family members and only does that to outsiders . Maybe she feels that you all are stuck with each other no matter what. If that is the case consider yourself lucky rather than left out.

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