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Old 11-27-2012, 06:40 PM
 
679 posts, read 1,047,520 times
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You could also suggest alternatives for the people over 18. One is Kris Kringle. Everyone draws a name. There's a certain $ limit and you buy a gift for the name you draw. It saves on money and running around and you can really focus on getting 1 meaningful gift for one person vs. a whole bunch of gifts for different people.

Another is going out for a dinner or to a play or concert as a family. You don't have the stress of shopping for multiple gifts and you get to spend time together as a family doing something enjoyable.

You can also do a charitable donation as a family. One of my friends and her family does this. Each year they pick a different charity and donate. This year, they're donating to hurricane relief efforts.

These are all ways you can shift the burden of gift giving off of your husband's parents/yourselves without making your son feel left out and without making it confrontational about what your in laws are doing.
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:36 PM
 
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exscapegoat....Great suggestions.
OP....Time for you to make some new traditions...I second the above suggestions. Win, Win.
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly DC and Phila
8,555 posts, read 12,617,038 times
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I'd tell them, "Fine. Oh, and we have a rule, too for Christmas - no visitors over the age of 70."
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:56 PM
 
Location: South Minneapolis
4,745 posts, read 5,404,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exscapegoat View Post
You could also suggest alternatives for the people over 18. One is Kris Kringle. Everyone draws a name. There's a certain $ limit and you buy a gift for the name you draw. It saves on money and running around and you can really focus on getting 1 meaningful gift for one person vs. a whole bunch of gifts for different people.

Another is going out for a dinner or to a play or concert as a family. You don't have the stress of shopping for multiple gifts and you get to spend time together as a family doing something enjoyable.

You can also do a charitable donation as a family. One of my friends and her family does this. Each year they pick a different charity and donate. This year, they're donating to hurricane relief efforts.

These are all ways you can shift the burden of gift giving off of your husband's parents/yourselves without making your son feel left out and without making it confrontational about what your in laws are doing.
Exactly. We went from exchanging gifts between adults to a gift game. Kids get gifts but audits participate in the gift games, and 18+ is considered adult.
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,138 posts, read 6,907,515 times
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Why give gifts to grandkids under 18, never mind those over 18! They are generally incredibly selfish and materialistic. What do these grandkids ever give YOU for Xmas? I'll bet it's a whole lotta nothing.

And if you are foolish enough to bestow gifts on them, do they handwrite a thank you card and phone you to thank you?
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:21 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
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I don't agree with this at all. Christmas is for everyone - regardless of age.
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
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Smile When I was first married....

My in-laws didn't have much or at least, we thought so. However, they went overseas and my MIL brought me back this tiny little box for a ring (from China) - it was probably inexpensive but the fact that it was from her to me (at Christmas) made it special. I still have it on my dresser and I think of her every time I see it.

I love gifts. Small ones - ones that mean something - just give from your heart!
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Old 11-27-2012, 09:25 PM
 
198 posts, read 392,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exscapegoat View Post
You could also suggest alternatives for the people over 18. One is Kris Kringle. Everyone draws a name. There's a certain $ limit and you buy a gift for the name you draw. It saves on money and running around and you can really focus on getting 1 meaningful gift for one person vs. a whole bunch of gifts for different people.
I have 13 cousins (plus my brother and I) on my father's side.

We did Kris Kringle AND you aged out at 18. As it stands, in four years there won't be any under-18's. Not sure what's going to happen then.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:15 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,809,271 times
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The only thing that I think would make a difference is if the "kid" over 18 had some kind of reciprocal relationship with the grandparents . . .does he buy or make them gifts or cards? I think it's rude when people don't reciprocate and just have an attitude of entitlement.
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Old 11-28-2012, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Mason, OH
9,259 posts, read 13,815,126 times
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The whole subject of Christmas presents is a very personal one. It has to be handled on an individual basis.

For years, my wife and I went overboard for Christmas and then spent the rest of the new year paying it off.

Several years ago, when I retired, I said to the wife we need to alter this, we are no longer in a position to afford it. So I sent a letter to our 4 kids and volunteered they no longer obtain gifts for us and we were also going to discontinue gifts not only for them but for the grandkids. I also suggested they also discontinue exchanging gifts between each other, as the number of nieces and nephews had increased considerably. I suggested everyone concentate on their own family exclusively.

To my surprise I received replies stating what a great idea. They were all in favor of not being obligated to give so many presents and just being responsive to their own immediate family.

I did similar with my own siblings, suggesting we discontinue the typical present exchange we had grown up with and also our own nieces and nephews, who had aged to the point we now had grand-nieces and grand-nephews. Surprisingly the responses I received were all in favor.

This is a departure from what I grew up with. For years, my mother had her Christmas Club account at her local savings and loan. Each December she cashed it in and bought Christmas. After my father passed away, she had some investment accounts they had managed well back in the 1970s days of 11% interest. Every year I would take her over to the savings and loan where she would withdraw the money to present her kids, grandkids, and eventually great-grandkids with their Christmas Gift. Of course they gave her a whole box full of gift cards and envelopes. Before she passed at 95, there was my brother and I plus our wives, our 6 kids, and the grandkids. Just before she passed that numbered 20.

Wherever we had our holiday celebration, there was grandma with envelopes for everyone.

With even fond memories of those times, considering the crass commercialism of Christmas I am definitely in favor of turning it back into a family oriented celebration.
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