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True enough...but maybe you remember the controversey a while back when a European mother visiting NY city left her baby outside while she went in to dine....a practice that was culturally normal whereever she was from but a horror to mothers in the US. That "good" and "bad" is going to efinitely be a function of the community or culture as well, right?
True enough...but maybe you remember the controversey a while back when a European mother visiting NY city left her baby outside while she went in to dine....a practice that was culturally normal whereever she was from but a horror to mothers in the US. That "good" and "bad" is going to efinitely be a function of the community or culture as well, right?
FWIW.
Well, that's a good point. But no matter what culture you're in, there are certain things that are true no matter where. Feeding your children well. Nurturing them. Making sure they get a good education. Teaching them the difference between right and wrong. Preparing them for real life. These things are really non-negotiable.
Being a parent is a matter of being a grown-up. Big difference.
This says it for me. There are women who become pregnant with no intention of starting a family. So they have the baby. Does this make them a mother? Sometimes. Not always.
Besides the more obvious - abuse, neglect, addicted parents, etc. , there are other ways to be a bad mother.
There are narcissistic and controlling mothers. Distant, selfish and disinterested mothers. I have one in my family. My sister. And she is the most fertile person on earth. Four children 25 - 12 and only the youngest speaks to her, because he still lives with her. The rest have moved far away and gone to college out of state.
Not a difficult concept for most of us...
unless we are talking of a woman that is:
Uneducated
Very young
Alcohol/drug-addicted
Mentally/emotionally challenged
Unable to get access to sexual health/counseling care
Unable to afford birth control measures
etc.
I always find it funny when people use the excuse that they can't afford birth control. So you mean to tell me that they can't afford a box of condoms or birth control pills but they can manage to get the money to raise a child for 18 years??
Yes, there are bad mothers and bad parents out there.
Some mom's just stand by and watch or don't try to stop abuse in a home committed by her spouse.
She could be physically and verbally abusive, the possibilites are endless.
To put it this way, a good mother would be a mom who does the very best for her kids and will do without to make her kids happy, always there and supportive of them, not overbearing and most of all ,understanding.
I was reading another thread and shocked at how many people were jumping over the OP for describing behavior of what most would view as a "bad mother." I got to thinking, "Hmm. There are some people out there who think that no matter what sins a parent commits, they deserve love and chance after chance to abuse their offspring well into adulthood."
So I am curious-- how many on here think there is no such thing as a bad mother-- even if the mother is not giving unconditional love, she deserves to GET it in perpetuity, simply because she is a mother.
Your thoughts?
(And as an aside, my own mama was a saint. So don't even start there. But my opinion is that yes, there are bad ones out there. Lots of them. And some people don't deserve to have the great kids they do. And they should be called on to account for their behavior or cut off from contact.)
There are bad mothers and if that is a proven fact, then children need to be protected from anyone that would harm them.
there is no such thing as a bad mother-- even if the mother is not giving unconditional love, she deserves to GET it in perpetuity, simply because she is a mother.
I am a mother of three grown children and I've never subscribed to this holy crown of motherhood business. A woman decides she wants to be a mother when she gives birth to children. That was a choice she made for whatever reasons she used to make the choice. The kindness, the gentleness, the attentiveness, protectiveness and fierce devotion to her offspring. These things are her duty..her JOB.
i am glad i found this thread.....glad to know i am not the only who hates my mother.....i have always felt guilty about it,,about hating her,,,,felt that i was the one who have been ungrateful.
She wasn't particularly physically abusive, but what she excel in was guilt tripping and emotional and mental manipulation. Grew up feeling worthless, felt like a loser, had no self confidence, no support, alone, and like the worst son in the whole world....nothing i did was good enough, and it was always someone's son who was better than me. I had suicidal thoughts all the time. She even told me she wished my cousin was her son rather than me.
my girlfriend whom i met while in University(now my wife) saved me. Helped me find my self confidence. Helped make me understand there is nothing wrong with me (other than 20 years of psychological abuse )..
and I know I'm in no way a bad son, even now.
I still take care of my mother's basic needs, food, clothes, medicine and have been her only source of financial source for the last 15 years (i'm almost 40 by the way)...but other than that, I do not want her in my life......I don't tell her any aspects of my life.....I thought I could forgive and let her in again 10 years ago.....Immediately she tried to manipulate me again,,,and schemed behind my back to stop me from getting married to my wife........
that was the end of it for me.....I will never forgive, forget, or let that woman back in my life....
again,,,you won't know how it feels, unless you have experience it yourself.....it might sound small to people who have good parents....but when you are stuck with a monster like this as a mother,,,it damages you for life....
I agree with you. Going further, since so many parents are by "accident," I wish there was a way to sterilize everyone. In this scenario, If a couple wanted to conceive they would apply and be considered for parenthood. This process would be proper as compared to the way it is now with reckless acts producing unplanned pregnancies and subpar parenting if any at all. Abortion doctors would be looking into other fields of work too. I wish for this because people are becoming more self centered not to mention accountability is slipping to the wayside more and more.
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