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Old 12-12-2012, 04:29 PM
 
Location: the Sun
521 posts, read 280,622 times
Reputation: 366
Default Insecure and jealous mother

My mother accused me of sleeping with my father on numerous occassions when I lived at home. I couldn't believe that she would think such a terrible thing. It's disgusting. and it still hurts me to this day. I don't understand this this makes me hate her. Why did I have to have such messed up parents?
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Old 12-12-2012, 05:12 PM
 
Location: SoCal
4,080 posts, read 3,432,902 times
Reputation: 2551
Quote:
Originally Posted by redberry rose View Post
My mother accused me of sleeping with my father on numerous occassions when I lived at home. I couldn't believe that she would think such a terrible thing. It's disgusting. and it still hurts me to this day. I don't understand this this makes me hate her. Why did I have to have such messed up parents?
My mother once accused my step-father of inappropriate behavior with me. He had done nothing even remotely like it! Turns out, she herself had been routinely victimized at a very young age, and so was over-reacting to some completely normal behavior.

I have no idea if that's what's going on with your mother, but it's a possibility.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Close to the ocean (not in the US)
343 posts, read 154,885 times
Reputation: 278
Your mom clearly has some deep seated issues that might not be related to you..they just manifest themselves in that manner. Are you close to your dad? Is/Was there something going on between yuor parents? Maybe your dad had some sort of problem and your mom couldn't deal with it, so she projected onto you?

I hope this isn't harsh but..maybe your mom associates you with something unpleasant? Did she ever mention WHY she accused you?

And you're not alone; lots of people have totally dysfunctional parents, even if they're the picture of a happy family.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:37 PM
 
Location: the Sun
521 posts, read 280,622 times
Reputation: 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnlyCurious View Post
Your mom clearly has some deep seated issues that might not be related to you..they just manifest themselves in that manner. Are you close to your dad? Is/Was there something going on between yuor parents? Maybe your dad had some sort of problem and your mom couldn't deal with it, so she projected onto you?

I hope this isn't harsh but..maybe your mom associates you with something unpleasant? Did she ever mention WHY she accused you?

And you're not alone; lots of people have totally dysfunctional parents, even if they're the picture of a happy family.
Sometimes my dad and I dont get along and we don't speak to one another. My mother thinks something sexual happened which is so far from the truth.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
10,867 posts, read 8,227,970 times
Reputation: 17831
Yeah, this is more than just "insecure." This sounds like mental illness.

Accusing your child of incest is beyond mere dysfunction. I would sever ties with my mother if she said this to me.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:50 PM
 
Location: The Jar
9,136 posts, read 4,720,688 times
Reputation: 17031
Quote:
Originally Posted by redberry rose View Post
My mother accused me of sleeping with my father on numerous occassions when I lived at home. I couldn't believe that she would think such a terrible thing. It's disgusting. and it still hurts me to this day. I don't understand this this makes me hate her. Why did I have to have such messed up parents?

I agree with the ones who are labeling your mother mentally ill. Is she an alcoholic? That could have something to do with her inability to filter her inappropriate thought patterns, etc.

It's time for you to adopt someone else's mother or grandmother. There are plenty of healthy folks out there in need of good company and love, too.
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Old 12-12-2012, 08:42 PM
 
Location: the Sun
521 posts, read 280,622 times
Reputation: 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Yeah, this is more than just "insecure." This sounds like mental illness.

Accusing your child of incest is beyond mere dysfunction. I would sever ties with my mother if she said this to me.
What type of mental illness would you call this?

Quote:
I agree with the ones who are labeling your mother mentally ill. Is she an alcoholic? That could have something to do with her inability to filter her inappropriate thought patterns, etc.

It's time for you to adopt someone else's mother or grandmother. There are plenty of healthy folks out there in need of good company and love, too.
She's sober when she makes these accusations. That is the sad part
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Close to the ocean (not in the US)
343 posts, read 154,885 times
Reputation: 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by redberry rose View Post
Sometimes my dad and I dont get along and we don't speak to one another. My mother thinks something sexual happened which is so far from the truth.
There has to be more to this. Suspecting sexual abuse/relationship isn't the first thing a mother thinks when a father doesn't get along with a child. Why would she think this? And why would she 'blame' you? Has she confronted your father? What about your dad makes her think he'd get sexual with his own daughter?
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Old 12-13-2012, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
5,284 posts, read 1,525,819 times
Reputation: 20392
The question should be what are you doing to move past your dysfunctional mother? I grew up with a similar problem only my father had some unnatural thoughts about what was appropriate contact between a father and teenage daughter. I was uncomfortable after his second nocturnal visit and laid there terrified pretending to be a sleep. I told my mother about it and the visits stopped but the abuse by my mother escalated. I think she was jealous of the fact that my father paid more attention to me than her. In her sick alcoholic mind she viewed me as a rival. I had no control over her crazy misguided thought process so I focused on escaping the dysfunction and making my life better. There is nothing you can do about your crazy mother's accusations. She will believe what she wants to believe. Just focus on making yourself happy.
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Old 12-13-2012, 03:08 PM
 
3,300 posts, read 2,499,884 times
Reputation: 6333
You've asked why you have messed up parents. It doesn't matter why. Life is isn't fair. It simply is what it is . You play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability..

What's important is how you respond to it and how you move past it. You can't fix your parents and even understanding their motivations won't change the way they behave. Put the crazy behavior on your mother's part in the past, Keep a distance from her so she doesn't involve you in silly drama

Go after what you want from life and leave the past behind.
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