U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-15-2012, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
8,803 posts, read 7,577,630 times
Reputation: 4501

Advertisements

It's nothing bad and I don't want to come off as complaining or paranoid, though I confess it technically is. He isn't a bad guy at all, pays his bills on time, we have similar jobs,etc.

So the story goes, I moved to Portland from the DC area without a single friend in Portland, but I ended up meeting my roommate and so we got a place together in Portland. So, he has a lot more friends in the area than I do being that he grew up in the western part of the country. That said, I have 0 friends here and he knows that, and he doesn't invite me out at night when he goes out with them. The fact that I am not invited isn't the problem believe it or not, I'm totally cool not having a life for the time being, I know in time I'll make friends to hang out with. The thing that pisses me off is the WAY he doesn't invite me, because he actually has an indirect, snoody way of telling me I'm not invited. It's my opinion when you don't want to invite someone, you just don't invite them, you don't tell them what your doing and then indirectly tell them how they aren't invited. It's like he's embarassed to be in a group setting with me or something, and I've only gone out with him on the town once with his friends. I didn't do anything embarassing either, I had like 3 drinks and just talked to one of his attractive girl-friends from out of town most of the time and she ended up adding me to f-book so clearly that was indicative that i at least wasn't embarassing IMO.

The guy hates doing things on his own and always has to be on the phone or with someone, so this morning, of course he was willing to go get breakfast with me, etc. I feel like he doesn't want to hang with me because I can't offer him an expanded social circle and way to make new friends: thats just the type of person he is, and i know many of you have encountered people like this in your life. Basically I am not "cool enough" for him.

Anyway, I'm not really asking for advice because as a non-confrontational male I know what to do (just not hang out with him one-on-one anymore), but I just wanted to rant.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-15-2012, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,172 posts, read 41,773,101 times
Reputation: 82932
I know people like this. It does suck. They are like transactional friends who only care about you if they feel you have something to offer them.

You didn't ask for advice, but it might help to view your roommate situation as a totally business transaction. As long as this is the most offensive thing he does, you're doing good.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-15-2012, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
8,803 posts, read 7,577,630 times
Reputation: 4501
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I know people like this. It does suck. They are like transactional friends who only care about you if they feel you have something to offer them.

You didn't ask for advice, but it might help to view your roommate situation as a totally business transaction. As long as this is the most offensive thing he does, you're doing good.

Well I would ask for advice, I just didn't want to come off as a moper, but thanks for it just the same. I've over come a lot since I went off to college and I've lost so many of of the mental and social issues I used to have over the past 7 years. I am in so much better shape than I used to be, but one of my few lingering things is that I just can't stand being "slighted" if you know what I mean. It pisses me off because in the end it's just plain rudeness IMO and I can't get over it. The issue is that he's also indirect about it so I have no opportunity to just "flip him the bird" if you get what I'm saying.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-15-2012, 08:35 PM
 
7,375 posts, read 11,542,544 times
Reputation: 8174
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
It's nothing bad and I don't want to come off as complaining or paranoid, though I confess it technically is. He isn't a bad guy at all, pays his bills on time, we have similar jobs,etc.

So the story goes, I moved to Portland from the DC area without a single friend in Portland, but I ended up meeting my roommate and so we got a place together in Portland. So, he has a lot more friends in the area than I do being that he grew up in the western part of the country. That said, I have 0 friends here and he knows that, and he doesn't invite me out at night when he goes out with them. The fact that I am not invited isn't the problem believe it or not, I'm totally cool not having a life for the time being, I know in time I'll make friends to hang out with. The thing that pisses me off is the WAY he doesn't invite me, because he actually has an indirect, snoody way of telling me I'm not invited. It's my opinion when you don't want to invite someone, you just don't invite them, you don't tell them what your doing and then indirectly tell them how they aren't invited. It's like he's embarassed to be in a group setting with me or something, and I've only gone out with him on the town once with his friends. I didn't do anything embarassing either, I had like 3 drinks and just talked to one of his attractive girl-friends from out of town most of the time and she ended up adding me to f-book so clearly that was indicative that i at least wasn't embarassing IMO.

The guy hates doing things on his own and always has to be on the phone or with someone, so this morning, of course he was willing to go get breakfast with me, etc. I feel like he doesn't want to hang with me because I can't offer him an expanded social circle and way to make new friends: thats just the type of person he is, and i know many of you have encountered people like this in your life. Basically I am not "cool enough" for him.

Anyway, I'm not really asking for advice because as a non-confrontational male I know what to do (just not hang out with him one-on-one anymore), but I just wanted to rant.
Bolded ... I feel that way about LOTS of people I meet. Kind of extended high school mentality. If you can't help him meet new friends and especially hot chicks, what use are you? I believe I even made a thread about it here at CD, and everybody denied many people thought that way, but ... I dunno. Lol.

Anyway, it is what it is. *shrugs*

1) Just make sure you don't blow people off in the same way he blows you off. I make sure I don't give others the same 'medicine' that people give me.

2) If you guys are so far apart, how did you end up rooming together?

I basically know the answer. I have a college friend who lives in LA who has a HUGE social network, which doesn't mean he always has a roommate. Anyway, he openly talks trash about his roommates on Facebook, so I can only assume not only are they not Facebook friends, but they don't hang outside of the house either.

I dunno man. People are picky about who they will hang with. I wouldn't doubt if your roommate is talking trash about you to his friends (though not certain by any means). People are just like that. Just as long as a person is nice and sorta cool, I'll hang with them. But I'm not Mr. Popularity.

Anyway, better luck on making friends out there.

Oh ... PS, another note. When I was looking for roommates at different times, I combed MANY places on Craigslist. I'm a pretty normal guy. I like sports, I look quiet and I drink beer and socialize. But physically, I'm a little Asian guy. Every now and then, when I went to go see a place, I could feel the guy sizing me up like ... "It won't work out. I can't picture him hanging with my crew." I could just feel it. Lo and behold, those guys NEVER called me back even though we were best pals when we met. Conversely, I got calls back to room with some people who I had the weirdest conversations with. Again, people are just like that. I guess ultimately they did me a favor.

Last edited by jobaba; 12-15-2012 at 08:52 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-15-2012, 08:41 PM
 
3,185 posts, read 5,783,117 times
Reputation: 1818
I wouldn't depend on him for anything, not even friendship. Find your own new circle of friends and soon you will want to move out.....ps dont tell him until you have made the final plans....he doesnt deserve it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-15-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
8,803 posts, read 7,577,630 times
Reputation: 4501
Quote:
Originally Posted by crestliner View Post
I wouldn't depend on him for anything, not even friendship. Find your own new circle of friends and soon you will want to move out.....ps dont tell him until you have made the final plans....he doesnt deserve it
Yeh that's what I'm thinking. If he was my friend, he would BE a friend and invite me once in a while. Granted, I'm not asking to be a third wheel on his dates, but if you're going out drinking with 7 or 8 of your friends you already knew here, why can't you ask me to come along? So you don't want to ask me to come along? That's cool. Then why are you oh so willing to hang out the next day then and be buddy buddy? If we're just roommates that is fine with me, then lets treat each other as just roommates, quit being fake
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-16-2012, 03:30 PM
 
76 posts, read 99,678 times
Reputation: 133
Does this roommate "brag" about going out with his friends/doing whatever fun things etc. If he is bragging about it, then he is using you to feel good about himself. If you want to meet people just start going to the places you like (bars,games,concerts,etc.etc etc) on your own. You will meet people IF you go out but if you stay at your apt then you WILL NOT.

Once you have your group of people going, say sayonara to him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-16-2012, 11:12 PM
 
Location: California
30,684 posts, read 33,450,741 times
Reputation: 26109
It's not that he doesn't think you are cool, he doesn't want to "share" his friends with you because he's inscure and scared you would take their attention from him. I've seen it a million times.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2012, 05:15 AM
 
12,050 posts, read 11,142,366 times
Reputation: 10009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
It's not that he doesn't think you are cool, he doesn't want to "share" his friends with you because he's inscure and scared you would take their attention from him. I've seen it a million times.
I think this is what is going on too. He was miffed because you managed to talk to an attractive girl and get friendly. That irritated him, and he doesn't want any more competition. The guys sounds like a jerk. I'd do what another poster recommends and steer clear of this guy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-17-2012, 10:41 PM
 
518 posts, read 341,157 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
It's nothing bad and I don't want to come off as complaining or paranoid, though I confess it technically is. He isn't a bad guy at all, pays his bills on time, we have similar jobs,etc.

So the story goes, I moved to Portland from the DC area without a single friend in Portland, but I ended up meeting my roommate and so we got a place together in Portland. So, he has a lot more friends in the area than I do being that he grew up in the western part of the country. That said, I have 0 friends here and he knows that, and he doesn't invite me out at night when he goes out with them. The fact that I am not invited isn't the problem believe it or not, I'm totally cool not having a life for the time being, I know in time I'll make friends to hang out with. The thing that pisses me off is the WAY he doesn't invite me, because he actually has an indirect, snoody way of telling me I'm not invited. It's my opinion when you don't want to invite someone, you just don't invite them, you don't tell them what your doing and then indirectly tell them how they aren't invited. It's like he's embarassed to be in a group setting with me or something, and I've only gone out with him on the town once with his friends. I didn't do anything embarassing either, I had like 3 drinks and just talked to one of his attractive girl-friends from out of town most of the time and she ended up adding me to f-book so clearly that was indicative that i at least wasn't embarassing IMO.

The guy hates doing things on his own and always has to be on the phone or with someone, so this morning, of course he was willing to go get breakfast with me, etc. I feel like he doesn't want to hang with me because I can't offer him an expanded social circle and way to make new friends: thats just the type of person he is, and i know many of you have encountered people like this in your life. Basically I am not "cool enough" for him.

Anyway, I'm not really asking for advice because as a non-confrontational male I know what to do (just not hang out with him one-on-one anymore), but I just wanted to rant.
You're East Coast, and he's West Coast. I've lived on both. Was born in Mid-America, and raised in the South. I like many things about the West Coast - lived in Oregon for two years and have lived off and on in California for about 5. I like a lot of things about the West. Mostly tolerant, laid-back, peaceful people. But yeah, the whole catty way they deal with each other can really **** a person off who's used to the directness in communication style that Americans are used to. People out here are afraid to step on each other's toes and hurt each other's feelings and are veeerrrry sensitive if people call them out on it, so tread lightly there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top