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Old 12-22-2012, 01:40 AM
 
343 posts, read 909,275 times
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I realize this is a weird topic! I recently moved after living for two years in a location that I absolutely hated. I had a wonderful job there (hence why I stayed two years) but outside of that I hated everything about it. One of the biggest things that bothered me about the location was the people there. I had people to hang out with, but I didn't feel like they were really "close friends." It was an extremely small town and all the people were very like-minded. It's hard to explain, but it was a ski resort town and there was one mentality (ski bum). I never felt as if I fit in. One of the girls I hung around with when I lived up there just invited me to her wedding, which is literally almost one year from now. She's not from that area originally, so she wanted to send everything out WAY in advance to avoid people making excuses about not wanting to spend the money or not having time to travel. I have not seen her in almost 6 months (since I moved) and have only spoken to her once since then. I only live 2 1/2 hours away now, but neither of us really have plans to visit before then. Obviously with the huge advanced notice a "regular excuse" won't work. Would you just tell someone like this that you're not interested? It just seems so harsh, but on the other hand why continue to pretend and spend money (gas, lodging, gift, etc.) on a wedding I have no interest in attending and would feel extremely awkward at (since at this time, I won't have had contact with anyone in that area for more than one year).
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:45 AM
 
13,841 posts, read 14,670,215 times
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who knows what will happen a tear from now. you can cancel closer to the wedding if you still don't want to go. send a gift when the time comes and be done with it
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Old 12-22-2012, 03:11 AM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,541,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison21 View Post
She's not from that area originally, so she wanted to send everything out WAY in advance to avoid people making excuses about not wanting to spend the money or not having time to travel.
Oh, how charming of her to send out such advance notice to ensure that no one dare have any priorities other than her.

Houston, we have a bridezilla in the making.

When she sends you the invitation, which should be about two months before the wedding, RSVP your regrets. If you feel inclined to send a card or gift, go ahead and do so, but you are not obligated--just like you are not obligated to commit yourself a year ahead of time to any wedding but your own or one you have agreed to be in.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:13 AM
 
3,753 posts, read 9,611,799 times
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Get a spine. Say no thanks with your RSVP. She can then invite someone else if she wants more at her wedding. There will be a lot of times in life where you will have to or want to say no and it is totally your right.
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,837 posts, read 19,932,533 times
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Doesn't take more than these two answers you've already gotten.
Invitations don't include a line asking "Why are you saying no?"
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:30 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,562,196 times
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You are under no obligation to decline or accept a wedding invitation until you receive a formal invitation in the mail, 6-8 weeks before the event.

This bride sounds like she was raised in a barn.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,918 posts, read 2,734,227 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison21 View Post
she wanted to send everything out WAY in advance to avoid people making excuses about not wanting to spend the money or not having time to travel.
She said that? I can't wrap my mind around the idea of someone actually wanting reluctant or resentful guests.

She is in effect saying, "I don't care what you want and I'm going to make it awkward for you not to do what I want by eliminating possible excuses." I definitely suggest declining without giving a reason.
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Old 12-22-2012, 11:09 AM
 
7,410 posts, read 11,572,817 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrison21 View Post
I realize this is a weird topic! I recently moved after living for two years in a location that I absolutely hated. I had a wonderful job there (hence why I stayed two years) but outside of that I hated everything about it. One of the biggest things that bothered me about the location was the people there. I had people to hang out with, but I didn't feel like they were really "close friends." It was an extremely small town and all the people were very like-minded. It's hard to explain, but it was a ski resort town and there was one mentality (ski bum). I never felt as if I fit in. One of the girls I hung around with when I lived up there just invited me to her wedding, which is literally almost one year from now. She's not from that area originally, so she wanted to send everything out WAY in advance to avoid people making excuses about not wanting to spend the money or not having time to travel. I have not seen her in almost 6 months (since I moved) and have only spoken to her once since then. I only live 2 1/2 hours away now, but neither of us really have plans to visit before then. Obviously with the huge advanced notice a "regular excuse" won't work. Would you just tell someone like this that you're not interested? It just seems so harsh, but on the other hand why continue to pretend and spend money (gas, lodging, gift, etc.) on a wedding I have no interest in attending and would feel extremely awkward at (since at this time, I won't have had contact with anyone in that area for more than one year).
Ummm...

Lots of people bail on wedding invitations. You won't be the only one, so don't sweat it.

I went to my college friend's wedding in CA across the country. If and when I get married, I fully expect him not to come and not even think twice about it. If he comes, I'll be shocked.

If you're not close then, she won't be sweating it either.
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Old 12-22-2012, 11:14 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,767,657 times
Reputation: 46040
Why in God's name are you worrying about this at this very moment? Nobody knows what they'll be doing a year from now.

Just wait on the actual invitation to arrive in your mailbox a few weeks before the nuptials and then decline. After all, for all you know, the bride-to-be might catch the groom-to-be getting into mischief on the ski slopes with someone else between now and then. Or you might have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to go to Europe. Or any number of other things.

But declining right now is the equivalent of saying, "Crystal, thanks for letting me know, but I just don't care enough to attend your wedding regardless how much notice you send me. Your town sucks and if I had read in the newspaper that you and your circle of friends were killed in a tragic bus accident, I would simply shrug and say 'so sorry.'" In that sense, you'd be far more self-centered than the worst Bridezilla.

Here's the thing. She was nice enough to think of you. Be nice enough to her to decline politely.
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Old 12-22-2012, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC & New York
10,831 posts, read 26,443,196 times
Reputation: 6902
That's a little for a save-the-date notification, and as others have mentioned, situations change. Just send back your RSVP regrets. If it's an issue to her, well, it's not as if you are going to be at odds with a close friend.
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