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Old 12-31-2012, 08:24 AM
 
9,012 posts, read 8,314,677 times
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I've learned that I just don't need 'em.
When times came (in my past) that I needed someone to lean on I learned who I could count on,
& eliminated lots of the useless pretenders.
Anyone else come to this realization, & if so, what's the story?
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:30 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 14,436,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
I've learned that I just don't need 'em.
When times came (in my past) that I needed someone to lean on I learned who I could count on,
& eliminated lots of the useless pretenders.
Anyone else come to this realization, & if so, what's the story?
Heck, yeah. Most are all talk.

99% of people/so called friends have zero intention of helping, or being there for, you.

They are in it only for #1.

Story? I have a million and one. Same old, same old-- tale of people saying a whole heck of a lot, but never coming through.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,872 posts, read 7,313,015 times
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The opposite side of this coin is that the minute you reach a little prosperity in life, even if you climbed your way out of abject poverty, with NO HELP to get there, all of your friends and family suddenly congratulate you on your "good luck" and then stick their hands out.

I'll be there for moral support for any friend, any day. I'll help them move. I'll invite them to things and pay their way sometimes. But my rule is, I've got to be the one who offers. Because the minute people start asking things of me, especially if I've already paid a whole hell of a lot more into the friendship than they have, I feel taken advantage of. I'm a friend, I am not a bank, here to lend people money.

Do you think that in a situation where one member of a friendship or a family is prosperous, they have an obligation to materially assist their friends/family who are not?

I am asking this in a tone of curiosity, not anger or defensiveness. I know tone doesn't convey well to writing, so I want to make that clear.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:56 AM
 
9,012 posts, read 8,314,677 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Heck, yeah. Most are all talk.

99% of people/so called friends have zero intention of helping, or being there for, you.

They are in it only for #1.

Story? I have a million and one. Same old, same old-- tale of people saying a whole heck of a lot, but never coming through.
I've also got quite a few, lol

I've always been more of a loner anyhow, & when I did need support, the people I though I could count on vanished. So yeah, I had a very rude awakening, a few years back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
The opposite side of this coin is that the minute you reach a little prosperity in life, even if you climbed your way out of abject poverty, with NO HELP to get there, all of your friends and family suddenly congratulate you on your "good luck" and then stick their hands out.

I'll be there for moral support for any friend, any day. I'll help them move. I'll invite them to things and pay their way sometimes. But my rule is, I've got to be the one who offers. Because the minute people start asking things of me, especially if I've already paid a whole hell of a lot more into the friendship than they have, I feel taken advantage of. I'm a friend, I am not a bank, here to lend people money.

Do you think that in a situation where one member of a friendship or a family is prosperous, they have an obligation to materially assist their friends/family who are not?

I am asking this in a tone of curiosity, not anger or defensiveness. I know tone doesn't convey well to writing, so I want to make that clear.
First off I've been in the position to help people- and I did.
Many, many times, without even thinking twice.
When I had hard times come to me, though it was not reciprocated. In fact that was the turning point for me. No more favors, no more being used. By so called "family" or anyone else.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:58 AM
 
Location: North Fulton
1,039 posts, read 2,041,012 times
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Over the years, older people have told me repeatedly that you can count your closest friends on one hand. As I age, I definitely believe this. I have had friends come and go, but now I see them in my life at a certain time frame as a reason. Try to move on and find other new friends, it is the best way to look at it.
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,872 posts, read 7,313,015 times
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Don't get me wrong, there was one person in the family who was there for us when we struggled, my MIL, and I've given a lot back to her. I'll always be there for her if she needs anything, ever. We still give a lot to one another, and we don't keep score.

But that's really rare.

Some of my family were much more comfortable with me when they could view me from a position of superiority. Now that my household makes more and has more, they are resentful and bitter. Another part of my family frittered away their fortune making stupid choices, and calls it "bad luck" and thinks I'm having "good luck" when in reality the fact that we're doing good is 100% due to my husband's hard work for the military.

Anyways, I love to be generous, but these days I prefer to give in situations where I know there can be no keeping score, no expectation of receiving something in return. I don't like strings.
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:14 AM
 
7,385 posts, read 11,554,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
I've learned that I just don't need 'em.
When times came (in my past) that I needed someone to lean on I learned who I could count on,
& eliminated lots of the useless pretenders.
Anyone else come to this realization, & if so, what's the story?
In college, when I had some problems with alcohol, I told off one of my best friends and disowned his friendship. Then, later on, I burned a bridge with my other friend. Mostly because I felt like they weren't there for me when I needed it.

That was a dumb idea. They could have been decent friends. I mean, I still keep in touch with them, but it could have been different. So, I don't really do that anymore. I don't burn bridges. If somebody does something to warrant less respect as a friend (and it happens a lot, check out my thread on the matter), I'll take them down an imaginary notch on the friend ladder. One of my friends who I used to hang out with almost every weekend, flew to Vegas with, and invited to lord knows how many parties I can't count, barely returns my texts anymore.

So, yes, it happens to me.

One thing, and one of my New Years Resolutions, is to make sure I don't do the same to anybody else. I'm really not the most popular person, so I really don't blow people off, but lots of people who complain about being blown off, they blow others off too. I am SO MUCH BETTER at returning texts than I used to be. I always return the first text, no matter how trivial or from whom. I never blow off individual messages on Facebook. I never ignore phone calls. If I get an email, I'll answer it. Takes all of 20 seconds. And like I said before, there's not many people I have to blow off (none I can think of), but if I ever do, I'll be straightforward about it and not ignore the person.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,645 posts, read 1,787,971 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
I've learned that I just don't need 'em.
When times came (in my past) that I needed someone to lean on I learned who I could count on,
& eliminated lots of the useless pretenders.
Anyone else come to this realization, & if so, what's the story?
Not all friends/family relationships are the same.

Some are nurturers, mentors that are typically older or more experienced than you and offer advice.

Some are people you go out with, have fun and can't be bothered with problems.

Some are younger friends that look up to you and need you to be their mentor or nurturer at times.

Some are NOT friends but who are negative people who enjoy knocking you down, jealous and competitive.

It's up to you to figure out your relationship with these people and who is in what category. It will make things alot easier to not expect someone who you go shoot hoops with or have a few drinks with to prop you back up when you are feeling down. That is not the relationship you two have. Doesn't mean the other person was not a "friend" but someone you have a different bond with.

If you only want to have specific types of relationships then that is your choice. But not every person is meant to be there emotionally to save you when you need it.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:01 PM
 
9,012 posts, read 8,314,677 times
Reputation: 14429
Quote:
Originally Posted by behindthescreen View Post
Not all friends/family relationships are the same.

Some are nurturers, mentors that are typically older or more experienced than you and offer advice.

Some are people you go out with, have fun and can't be bothered with problems.

Some are younger friends that look up to you and need you to be their mentor or nurturer at times.

Some are NOT friends but who are negative people who enjoy knocking you down, jealous and competitive.

It's up to you to figure out your relationship with these people and who is in what category. It will make things alot easier to not expect someone who you go shoot hoops with or have a few drinks with to prop you back up when you are feeling down. That is not the relationship you two have. Doesn't mean the other person was not a "friend" but someone you have a different bond with.

If you only want to have specific types of relationships then that is your choice. But not every person is meant to be there emotionally to save you when you need it.

You obviously misunderstood me; I don't need to be saved emotionally, or any other way.
And I am an adult able to discern between which types of relationships I have w/ various people.
Maybe someone else will benefit from your post but I've known that stuff for years already.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,645 posts, read 1,787,971 times
Reputation: 3324
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Anyone else come to this realization, & if so, what's the story?
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
You obviously misunderstood me; I don't need to be saved emotionally, or any other way.
And I am an adult able to discern between which types of relationships I have w/ various people.
Maybe someone else will benefit from your post but I've known that stuff for years already.
Uh OK? I was sharing my "story" and point of view. It wasn't directed towards anyone
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