Is my friends behavior rude or am I just too picky, stingy? (male, person)

[mading6]

I have a male friend that I have been friends with for 22 years. He comes over ALL the time, which is fine because we obviously are close childhood friends. The problem is that he likes to eat my food all the time.

He will come over walk into the kitchen and start digging in my refrigerator, pantry, etc and just help himself to something.

One day he was digging through the pantry and saw ONE last package of ramen noodles, the kind where you have to go to a special Asian store to purchase. My sister (we share a house) told him he could not eat it because it was her last pack and she wanted it. She walked into living room, came back into kitchen and holy he was cooking the last pack that she specifically told him not to eat. Talk about being POed (however spelled).

Well I confronted him about digging through our kitchen and helping himself to whatever he desired. I told him not to do it and it was rude.

So fast forward...
I made dinner the other night, I told him he could come over and have some of what I was cooking. He came over. I made a plate for my sister and I. He then made his own plate. Then after he ate a plate of food, he offered himself the last slice of apple pie ( which was NOT on the menu for the night) without asking (which he shouldn't ask anyway, it should only be Offered by hostess). Then later when I went to put the leftovers away I noticed he ATE all of it. I was upset because my sister and I only had a little plate and the item we cooked was a special order, specialty item that must be ordered and delivered to the house for a pretty fee.

I am just really ticked off.
He never brings food over, he never shares with anyone.
My family always invites him over to gatherings, dinners, meals.
He never offers to help clean, nothing.

I don't expect guests to clean but this guest has just become almost a fixture that he should offer to clean. Also I have had many guests JUST offer and of course I say no thank you. My point is that this guest never offers ANYTHING!!!!

I have had it and I am NEVER inviting him over again for a meal.

But my question is:
-Am I being crazy, OCD, stingy, tit for tat, etc???
-when he does visit how do I keep him OUT of my kitchen???


Thank you

[Seekingcreativity]

Originally Posted by mading6

I have a male friend that I have been friends with for 22 years. He comes over ALL the time, which is fine because we obviously are close childhood friends. The problem is that he likes to eat my food all the time.

He will come over walk into the kitchen and start digging in my refrigerator, pantry, etc and just help himself to something.

One day he was digging through the pantry and saw ONE last package of ramen noodles, the kind where you have to go to a special Asian store to purchase. My sister (we share a house) told him he could not eat it because it was her last pack and she wanted it. She walked into living room, came back into kitchen and holy he was cooking the last pack that she specifically told him not to eat. Talk about being POed (however spelled).

Well I confronted him about digging through our kitchen and helping himself to whatever he desired. I told him not to do it and it was rude.

So fast forward...
I made dinner the other night, I told him he could come over and have some of what I was cooking. He came over. I made a plate for my sister and I. He then made his own plate. Then after he ate a plate of food, he offered himself the last slice of apple pie ( which was NOT on the menu for the night) without asking (which he shouldn't ask anyway, it should only be Offered by hostess). Then later when I went to put the leftovers away I noticed he ATE all of it. I was upset because my sister and I only had a little plate and the item we cooked was a special order, specialty item that must be ordered and delivered to the house for a pretty fee.

I am just really ticked off.
He never brings food over, he never shares with anyone.
My family always invites him over to gatherings, dinners, meals.
He never offers to help clean, nothing.

I don't expect guests to clean but this guest has just become almost a fixture that he should offer to clean. Also I have had many guests JUST offer and of course I say no thank you. My point is that this guest never offers ANYTHING!!!!

I have had it and I am NEVER inviting him over again for a meal.

But my question is:
-Am I being crazy, OCD, stingy, tit for tat, etc???
-when he does visit how do I keep him OUT of my kitchen???


Thank you

After 22 years, he's gotten used to taking and taking especially if you don't ask him to offer or make any qualms about it until now. Don't invite him over your house again, just meet him somewhere, or sit down and talk to him and not to us. Are you scared of him, because it seems like it; instead of communicating to him you're moaning about it online. Talk to him, if you do by chance invite him over again, tell him he needs to contribute to the meal, bring a side dish, help clean up, I mean he's a friend of 22 years, he should find himself cleaning up the dishes he helped make since he doesn't have any problems digging around for food.

[intelfan11315]

Sounds like a mooch to me.

Stop inviting him to your house, problem solved.

[germaine2626]

That is a problem. He obviously considers himself part of your family or he wouldn't "help himself". However, even close family members don't take the last of something without asking and receiving permission to eat it.

Also, family members and guests offer to help cook & clean up and offer to bring food to parties & picnics and other get-togethers. You should remind him of that fact.

You can tell him that you really enjoy his company (if that is true) but you and your sister have a very tight budget for food. You can say that you would love to keep inviting him over but he will need to start to contribute to the meals by bringing side dishes or dessert or beer (or whatever) or he needs to invite you over to his house sometimes for meals.

First question. Is it possible that he is actually hungry because of not having enough money to buy food for his house? Is that why he never brings food or asks you to his house to eat? If that is not the case then he has never been taught manners or is just plain rude. Or, after 22 years of being friends, he has just forgotten his good manners.

This may sound silly but I recommend that you treat him like a child with a severe eating disability (such as Prader-Willi Syndrome). Put a padlock on the refrigerator and all of the cupboards where you keep food. That will keep him from just "rummaging around" to eat whatever he finds. It may sound drastic but eating the Ramon noodles after he was told "no" and eating the last piece of pie is not acceptable behavior for friends or even close family.

[Gil3]

He never brings food over, he never shares with anyone.
My family always invites him over to gatherings, dinners, meals.
He never offers to help clean, nothing.

I don't expect guests to clean but this guest has just become almost a fixture that he should offer to clean. Also I have had many guests JUST offer and of course I say no thank you. My point is that this guest never offers ANYTHING!!!!

What kind of "friend" is this?? I don't go to any friends, relatives or my mother's ouse and act like this. If he were a friend, he would at least offer to bring something over, clean up, etc. Friendship is 50/50 and he is taking 100%.

Hate to be harsh, but as long as you continue to feed this person that acts worse than a dog, he will continue to come around and mooch off of you.

[mading6]

Originally Posted by Seekingcreativity

After 22 years, he's gotten used to taking and taking especially if you don't ask him to offer or make any qualms about it until now. Don't invite him over your house again, just meet him somewhere, or sit down and talk to him and not to us. Are you scared of him, because it seems like it; instead of communicating to him you're moaning about it online. Talk to him, if you do by chance invite him over again, tell him he needs to contribute to the meal, bring a side dish, help clean up, I mean he's a friend of 22 years, he should find himself cleaning up the dishes he helped make since he doesn't have any problems digging around for food.

No I am not scared of him, I can see why you ask. I just hate confrontation and with him if you tell him something he blows it all out of proportion. You have to be read y for a LONG discussion on something so simple as: stay out of my kitchen.

Yes I do believe he has gotten quite comfortable, too comfortable.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Seekingcreativity

After 22 years, he's gotten used to taking and taking especially if you don't ask him to offer or make any qualms about it until now. Don't invite him over your house again, just meet him somewhere, or sit down and talk to him and not to us. Are you scared of him, because it seems like it; instead of communicating to him you're moaning about it online.

Talk to him, if you do by chance invite him over again, tell him he needs to contribute to the meal, bring a side dish, help clean up, I mean he's a friend of 22 years, he should find himself cleaning up the dishes he helped make since he doesn't have any problems digging around for food.

I suggest that you talk to him and be very honest about it. Maybe that is how they act at his house so he doesn't know any difference. After you talk to him and make it very, very clear that things need to change, invite him over again to give him another chance. If he has been a friend for 22 years I'm sure that you like him a lot.

[BigDGeek]

Originally Posted by burgler09

Sounds like a mooch to me.

Stop inviting him to your house, problem solved.

Came here to say that.

[Three Wolves In Snow]

Originally Posted by mading6

I have a male friend that I have been friends with for 22 years. He comes over ALL the time, which is fine because we obviously are close childhood friends. The problem is that he likes to eat my food all the time.

He will come over walk into the kitchen and start digging in my refrigerator, pantry, etc and just help himself to something.

One day he was digging through the pantry and saw ONE last package of ramen noodles, the kind where you have to go to a special Asian store to purchase. My sister (we share a house) told him he could not eat it because it was her last pack and she wanted it. She walked into living room, came back into kitchen and holy he was cooking the last pack that she specifically told him not to eat. Talk about being POed (however spelled).

Well I confronted him about digging through our kitchen and helping himself to whatever he desired. I told him not to do it and it was rude.

So fast forward...
I made dinner the other night, I told him he could come over and have some of what I was cooking. He came over. I made a plate for my sister and I. He then made his own plate. Then after he ate a plate of food, he offered himself the last slice of apple pie ( which was NOT on the menu for the night) without asking (which he shouldn't ask anyway, it should only be Offered by hostess). Then later when I went to put the leftovers away I noticed he ATE all of it. I was upset because my sister and I only had a little plate and the item we cooked was a special order, specialty item that must be ordered and delivered to the house for a pretty fee.

I am just really ticked off.
He never brings food over, he never shares with anyone.
My family always invites him over to gatherings, dinners, meals.
He never offers to help clean, nothing.

I don't expect guests to clean but this guest has just become almost a fixture that he should offer to clean. Also I have had many guests JUST offer and of course I say no thank you. My point is that this guest never offers ANYTHING!!!!

I have had it and I am NEVER inviting him over again for a meal.

But my question is:
-Am I being crazy, OCD, stingy, tit for tat, etc???
-when he does visit how do I keep him OUT of my kitchen???


Thank you

If you had a lot of money, I would say you were overreacting. (I'd simply inform him that I'm not his mother nor his maid and if he makes a mess, he cleans it up.)

If you don't have the money to support the mouth of another, and you have confronted him about it, and he still does it? He's beyond rude.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, is he to eat food from your house again. Period. If he's hungry, he may bring his own food.

You've been friends for a long time and he is taking full advantage of it.

OR

You can still allow him to eat food at your house but you make him pay 1/3 of the grocery/take out/fast food bill from here on out.

He's beyond a "guest". Guests are once in awhile, not every single day mooching off of you.

Edit: Oh and as for this long discussion rebuttals, this time, you tell him, "This is the way it is, period. There will be no further discussion. END of story." And cut it off right there.

[mading6]

He hasn't worked in over 2 years but has been living off of his savings for that time. He still has some savings and is living off of that, it just seems he tries to stretch his savings as much as he can so he doesn't have to get a job. He has 3 master degrees and can get a job but being very picky (too picky).