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My initial thought was "why not just lose the weight?" You already admit you're chubby and 30 pounds overweight. So hit the treadmill for a half hour every day and cut that extra weight. Then maybe you'll gain some confidence and learn to be more assertive and less sensitive with people.
My initial thought was "why not just lose the weight?" You already admit you're chubby and 30 pounds overweight. So hit the treadmill for a half hour every day and cut that extra weight. Then maybe you'll gain some confidence and learn to be more assertive and less sensitive with people.
Really? Why should anyone lose weight just because someone else said to? And I've found that most people if nagged enough will dig in their heels and do the opposite.
Let's see if we can put it simply for you. Her weight isn't the issue....still with me?
It's Grandma being rude. It is NOT ok to constantly hound someone about a physical fault.
I don't think she's being sensitive at all. I think Grandma is being a bully by insinuating that if the OP lost 30lbs, she'd like her more. I bet you dollars to donuts that Grandma would just find some other fault if the OP did.
I don't know what gives anybody the right to make comments about your appearance but I am TIRED of having to stay quiet or be the "nice" person when someone makes a comment about me.
I stopped going and visiting my grandmother. I am one of the FEW who visit every so often and share what's going on in my life. My parent's haven't visited her in years and neither do a lot of her other children.
EVERY TIME I stop by to pay a visit, she starts commenting on my WEIGHT. I have always been a bit chubby ever since I was a kid. I am about 30 lbs overweight. She comments how HUGE I am and how I need to worry about my health. She will do this in front of company as well. She will say "you gained more weight huh?" while shaking her head. She acts like I am OBESE when I've been the same weight for years now.
The last time I visited, I was telling her how I am working at a new job and might purchase my first place. Within 5 minutes of the conversation she mentioned my weight I ignored it and 10 mins later she interrupted the conversation about changing my eating habits and that I gained more weight again.
The funny thing is she was not a thin women. She was an overweight smoker for a long time. I would like to have a relationship with my grandmother but not at the expense of her trying to tear me down. For a long time I always put up with it. I would brush it off but NOW I am in period in my life where I have no room for negative people.
Anyone have experience with this kind of behavior? How did you deal with it? What happened?
My father used to do this to me for about 20 years until I finally wrote him a long letter and just laid out exactly how it made me feel to listen to him telling me (his only child) repeatedly how fat and unattractive I was! I asked him if he had never wondered what it felt like to be on the receiving end of such constant verbal abuse for so many years? Did he not understand how damaging it was to our relationship? And so on. He never responded to the letter but he did stop commenting on my appearance. Now he just complains about everything else
Really? Why should anyone lose weight just because someone else said to? And I've found that most people if nagged enough will dig in their heels and do the opposite.
Let's see if we can put it simply for you. Her weight isn't the issue....still with me?
It's Grandma being rude. It is NOT ok to constantly hound someone about a physical fault.
I don't think she's being sensitive at all. I think Grandma is being a bully by insinuating that if the OP lost 30lbs, she'd like her more. I bet you dollars to donuts that Grandma would just find some other fault if the OP did.
1) OP said herself that she's overweight. So, yes, it is an issue.
2) OP very apparently lacks the assertiveness to stand up to her grandma.
3) OP needs to be proactive. She cannot change her grandma. But she can and should make changes with herself. This is called being proactive instead of a victim.
I know where you're coming from. My grandmother took it one step further and smacked me on my butt and said how big it was and oooooo I got those Johnson hips, and blah blah blah. Of course I tried to keep from over there, but now since I'm losing weight, she just gushes to her friends about how beautiful I am and how I lost a lot of weight, and I'm getting my masters. Now I just sit there thinking, WOW what happened to this evil troll that I couldn't WAIT to hit the dirt? I'm still on edge though but *shrugging* I on know. I keep away from negative people whether it be family or friends or strangers.
I would avoid saying anything about being "hurt." Just tell her that you are tired of hearing about it and the next time she says something about your weight, you leave.
Just because she's your grandmother and elderly, she does not have the right to be rude. You can even ask her if she would tell her neighbor/doctor/pastor's wife that they had a weight problem.
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I ignored it and 10 mins later she interrupted the conversation about changing my eating habits and that I gained more weight again. 
Yep!!
