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Old 01-05-2013, 01:28 PM
 
1,356 posts, read 1,635,987 times
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To make a long story short, my parents never saved for my college and have contributed a total of $0.00 towards paying any of my tuition or other related bills. So I've had to foot the bill through loans, working, and getting some outside scholarships. Now I'm in grad school and the problem started when one of my parents found out that I took out more in subsidized loans to help pay for it since it's subsidized and the interest rate is lower compared to the ones given out for grad students. I don't consider the money mine since it's borrowed(as I imagine most people would) and I've created a budget so I can keep track of how it's spent. Now that parent sees it as a blank check and tries to guilt or shame me into using it to spend things on that person. I cracked once and ended up giving the amount that person was asking for and a week or later that person said "I was just seeing if you wouldn't be selfish enough to give me more than what I asked". Basically whenever money comes up, it always revolves around the money I'm using to help pay for school.

I only come home during the winter and summer breaks and now I'm getting to a point where I'm dreading it. I work a seasonal job during those two times so that's why I have to come home, but now I'm considering just getting a job around where I go to school so I can have an excuse not to come home. I'm not trying to find myself in mountains of debt from student loans which is why I have to budget. One of my parents is in a lot of debt and that same parent has basically convinced one of my siblings to do the same "because we all take on debt" and now that sibling is in way more debt from student loans than me just from doing things like eating out every other day or buying things non-necessities just because the money is there even though it's loaned.

Am I wrong for trying to distance myself and not spend that on things I don't need just to please one of my parents? I still have about a year to go before I finish school and become independent. It's been bothering me a lot and as a result, I've felt I've become a lot more distant from that parent.
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:33 PM
 
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Don't go.
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:34 PM
 
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Don't go?
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Octa View Post
Don't go?
Don't go back. It's pretty simple. Never spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself.
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:55 PM
 
468 posts, read 521,468 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Don't go back. It's pretty simple. Never spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself.
I agree.
It sounds like you have good financial skills, and your family is trying to use you to get out of the situation they've created by their poor financial decisions.
Don't let them drag you down
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:28 PM
 
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Your money was received for and dedicated to a goal, education, and they should show you respect for this path. Do not let anyone guilt you into changing your planned goals.

You have the bad examples right in front of you and can see what drowning in debt can do to some people. If they respected you, they would not ask.

If you can get a job where you are located, I would.
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Don't go back. It's pretty simple. Never spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself.
Well part of what makes me feel bad about it is that I hear people talking about the relationship with their parents and it's nothing like mine. I'm also worried about that I'll be perceived as being stingy or not family oriented by people who do get along with theirs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mollybygolly View Post
I agree.
It sounds like you have good financial skills, and your family is trying to use you to get out of the situation they've created by their poor financial decisions.
Don't let them drag you down
Thank you. I've told them that I don't want to end up in the situation they've made for themselves, but it still doesn't help for some reason.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
Your money was received for and dedicated to a goal, education, and they should show you respect for this path. Do not let anyone guilt you into changing your planned goals.

You have the bad examples right in front of you and can see what drowning in debt can do to some people. If they respected you, they would not ask.

If you can get a job where you are located, I would.
You bring up a good point: role modeling good financial sense. So far I've been going along just learning it as I go.
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Old 01-05-2013, 03:19 PM
 
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Keep creating that distance. Don't go home on break. You have more learned financial sense in your young years than your whole family has learned in a lifetime.

Remember, as I'm sure you do, that a loan is a loan- it's borrowed money. Those people in your family asking for it are not going to help you pay it back. The more you give it away the more you will resent your family for taking it when the time comes that you have to pay it back.

This is not about being stingy, this is just common sense. When you win a 200 million Powerball lottery and don't give a little to your parents, then maybe ( and that's debatable ) you are being stingy. What you're doing now is not being stingy - it's self preservation.

Also keep in mind that your parents have a very poor mindset when it comes to money. As you get out into the working world and begin earning a good salary, you can be sure they're going to be asking for more and more money. Better to develop and enforce good boundaries with them now as this is going to be a continual problem.

Yes, not everyone has to deal with type of situation with parents that you have. Unfortunate, but that's the way it goes sometime. You can't fix it- it is what it is. What you do now is accept it for it is and worry about yourself and your future. Good luck
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Old 01-05-2013, 03:26 PM
 
3,752 posts, read 7,486,083 times
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I agree with the consensus. There is just something wrong about feeling pressured constantly by family and it creating stress. I think you tell them (if you think you can) and then if it continues you take yourself out of the situation. Less stress = happier life.
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Old 01-05-2013, 03:43 PM
 
4,728 posts, read 4,474,159 times
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Something is not right about a parent who would try to guilt you into using your money for college on them. Sorry to say that, but it is true. You need to stay away if they keep doing this.
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