Friend takes ages to reply to texts/or not at all, doesn't seem interested in friendship sometimes (male, talks)

[Trimac20]

I have a male friend who I've known for about 4 years now. We hang out (well more used to) pretty often, but sometimes he just 'disappears', or doesn't seem that interested in keeping in contact. I know him well enough to know what he's like, if he doesn't feel like say answering a phone call (even from his mother), he won't. Call it a character fault. I guess I hang out with him more because he's someone to hang with, although I do sometimes enjoy his company. What can be annoying is his obsession with Japanese girls: he's probably been with at least a dozen Japanese girls in short-term relationships and has slept with many more. He's obsessed with Japan in general, but it seems that's his number 1 priority. Everytime we catch up he seems to be pursuing a new target or boasting about his latest 'conquest' in graphic detail to an extent that I tell him I'm getting pretty sick of it. Literally 60% of what he talks about is either pursuing, having sex with or just socializing with his latest interest. Not to bash them, many of them are really nice...I don't want to ***** about him but he often cheats on them, for instance.

Anyway, whenever I text him asking if he wants to catch up or just to ask how he's going, which isn't even that often (less than once a week these days) he often takes many days to reply - in fact ROUTINELY does so, or doesn't reply at all. The ironic thing is, knowing from hanging out with him he's often obsessively on his phone, and is always texting some Japanese girl. I asked him why he took so long to reply and he countered that I do the same, even though I always reply to people as soon as I can and the few times i haven't done so immediately was because my phone battery was dead etc. Anyway, it seems he's pretty obsessed with being a pick-up artist with an Asian fetish - okay strong preference for Japanese girls (he won't date any other nationality, he's white and American-Australian I should mention) and friends definitely play second fiddle.

My family members and another friend thought he was 'using' me to drive him places or sometimes buy him dinner (although he was often broke he does always pay me back)although I don't generally feel that's the case. Anyway I'm getting fed up with it and am not really going to make the effort unless he shows he's interested in the friendship.

[redberry rose]

does he meet the japanese girls on dating sites?

[gentlearts]

Is your question: Is it wrong that your friend doesn't return your texts promptly? No
Or is your question: Should I be upset that my friend thinks I'm less important than his pursuit of Japanese girls? Probably.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by redberry rose

does he meet the japanese girls on dating sites?

He did sign up to one actually, but there are a lot of Japanese people here on working holidays or studying English, so it's pretty easy for him to meet them. Or through girls he already knows.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

Is your question: Is it wrong that your friend doesn't return your texts promptly? No
Or is your question: Should I be upset that my friend thinks I'm less important than his pursuit of Japanese girls? Probably.

I guess do you think it's indicative he just doesn't care that much about the friendship? He won't admit it but I wouldn't be surprised if he just ignores the texts for a few days. It's what he does with some other people, but I guess I thought I was something more to him. Yet if it was a Japanese girl wanting a booty call he wouldn't just ignore it.

It just seems he has a 'take it or leave it' attitude to friendship. Whatever, though, I'm hopefully leaving this town soon anyway.

[cdnirene]

I like this definition of a friend:

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

On the other hand, this sounds like an acquaintance:

Originally Posted by Trimac20

I hang out with him more because he's someone to hang with, although I do sometimes enjoy his company.

Perhaps your "friend" realizes this. Why should he care more about you than you appear to care about him?

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by cdnirene

I like this definition of a friend:


On the other hand, this sounds like an acquaintance:


Perhaps your "friend" realizes this.

I don't know, I think that's the reason why I've started getting jaded about the RS recently. Because it seems he doesn't take it that seriously. I think we still are/ were friends, since we talk about anything/share stuff, spend a lot of time together, but I guess it can be rather shallow.

Is the fact it wouldn't feel like a big loss indicate there wasn't much of a friendship? It's a little sad, but I don't know, there's a hollowness to it.

[Midwest Maven]

A good friend does not take "ages" to respond to a text, phone call, or email.

This guy doesn't sound like a good friend to you at all. Sounds like your friendship is low on his priority list, and only important when he needs you to do things for him like drive him places, etc. He basically is using you for your good nature.

You deserve better than this chump. Let his friendship fade and go hang out with guys who value your friendship and communicate with you within a reasonable amount of time.

[BballAllStar]

Were you too previously romantic? I think your friend is probably "busy" with his new interest and that's why he is not responding back at you?

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by BballAllStar

Were you too previously romantic? I think your friend is probably "busy" with his new interest and that's why he is not responding back at you?

It sounds gay but we actually did meet on a dating site, lmao, but strictly as friends. Although he's 'experimented' a bit in the past he tells me that's in the past. In fact for a time I wondered myself, early in our friendship I got a strange text from him saying 'you're sexy', I asked him about it and he said he was just joking lol. I doubt he was into me that way though.