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I had a long conversation with my good friend last night - I am having a very tough time these past few months (OK, most of 2012) and we haven't talked in weeks, so lots to talk about. Her life is not in any particular turmoil, so she was being sweet and supportive...or so I thought (we are in our 40's, friends 2 years now).
The next morning, I see that she started a thread - while we were on the phone - in a more or less complaining mood. She didn't share any details, but painted in this bad light, putting herself where it seems she like to be "in the perfect light".
I am thinking I don't want to confront her but at some point, I think I had better let this one fade away.
That is the most blatant abuse of trust, IMO, to put any inklings of a private conversation on FB especially when you know the person (me) will see it and is already depressed and struggling.
I would need more information, but I would confront her and drop her. Let her know why I am dropping her - loud and clear. That is tough to do when you are depressed though. I hope you have someone else that you can lean on. Let's face it - if she put it on FB - where you can see it - and others - I cannot imagine what she says behind your back - a friend like that is not a friend and you really need to purge that kind of toxicity from your life - especially if you are struggling with depression. I hope you can cut her loose.
I had a long conversation with my good friend last night - I am having a very tough time these past few months (OK, most of 2012) and we haven't talked in weeks, so lots to talk about. Her life is not in any particular turmoil, so she was being sweet and supportive...or so I thought (we are in our 40's, friends 2 years now).
The next morning, I see that she started a thread - while we were on the phone - in a more or less complaining mood. She didn't share any details, but painted in this bad light, putting herself where it seems she like to be "in the perfect light".
I am thinking I don't want to confront her but at some point, I think I had better let this one fade away.
That is the most blatant abuse of trust, IMO, to put any inklings of a private conversation on FB especially when you know the person (me) will see it and is already depressed and struggling.
Your opinion?
Cut this friend loose. And quick. A real friend would have listened intently to you during your phone call, especially if you haven't spoken to each other in weeks. Instead, this woman starts a FB thread where she includes references to her private conversation with you?! Huh?! Who does that! Not a friend. Nope. Nada.
She sounds like she has a narcissistic kind of personality. As in, when the spotlight's not shining on her, she'll use whatever means possible to make sure it does.
Your instinct to let your connection to this so-called friend fade away is spot on. Do not fall into a codependency trap with this woman, where she monopolizes your time, putting her needs first and yours second. Don't let her talk her way out of her extremely rude behavior either, if you do decide to confront her. Frankly, confronting people like this has a one-sided effect: you feel better because you asserted yourself, but the down-side is she's probably so self-involved, you'll be humming the Stones tune, "I can't get no...satisfaction...but I try, and I try, and I tryyyyy... I can't get no...no, no no..." because she won't be listening to you, or she could deflect responsibility for hurting your feelings by saying that you are fragile or are over-reacting. So really, you could either delete her FB profile from your FB page, or just hide her profile so that she can't see your news feed updates, or you could also block her profile too. It depends on how you want to "fade away" from this very rude woman.
I was friends with a woman just like the woman you describe in your post - for 7 agonizing years. She was so self-centered, even the Greek character Narcissus was like, "She's more vain than I am! That's not possible!" She would send me attention seeking texts like, "I'm so sad, I feel hopeless" all the time. It was like I was an on-call psychiatric nurse. She also posted very attention-seeking threads on her FB page too, like the woman in your post. Sometimes she did it after a conversation with me, as though it was done out of spite, which seemed like anytime I disagreed with her about anything, or tried to assert myself.
Anytime I tried to assert myself, her verbal judo cut down my self-esteem to the point where I confronted her one last time and told her she was more toxic to my well being than that Britney Spears song, and that my self-esteem was so messed up from her friendship that it required social rehabilitation with healthier people. She threw a tantrum (she's a 45 year old high school teacher, btw), then hung up the phone on me, and that was 2 years ago. Then recently, I met another woman who exhibited the same exact narcissistic traits and avoided any further contact with her. Once you get burned bad, you quickly learn to recognize the healthy functional personalities in potential friends, to the ones who are emotional vampires who are master manipulators.
If you cut off contact with this woman, count yourself lucky that you only invested 2 years and not 7 like I did, which consisted of me walking on eggshells and participating in a one-sided friendship as a doormat. It was terrible. Sorry for my ramble. But your situation just reminded me of my own with personalities like the woman you posted about. Run, run like the wind (clearly I'm in a song lyric mood right now), to be free again.
It was not the words she used in the posts so much as she felt the need to share that we were on the phone so long and some just innuendo that made it seem like it was a chore. That really pissed me off, and I can't say I'm not tempted to outright dump her, but the fade seems more appropriate.
Wondering what would possess someone to behave that way? Anytime I've entered the realm of "holy cow this should be private" I message or call the person and do not mention on FB in real-time.
The attention-seeking sounds about right...she is "always" right and very few people...actually, now that I think back...she looks up to no one. Guess she is the brightest and the best, then.
I found her & I to relate really well but it seems that in order to save face, she has to look like the one who is "in control" when in realilty, she's a little wild but doesn't want the world to know about it.
Well, good thing is I am no longer living in that area and it'll be easy to erase her and a few others who I thought had good intentions, but they really are just empty gossip-mongers who can't seem to respect people.
I had warnings I should have heeded...earlier FB posts which, again, painted me in an un-flattering light and her as "in control".
Thanks again - interested how other people have handled these odd situations. Oooh, I hate betrayal!
I'm sorry, that must have felt horrible. I wonder what prompted her to do that. Do you think that she felt that she was being dumped on? I know I can get a little irritated with friends who just call me to complain. Either way, she shouldn't have done what she did. Hope you're in better spirits today (and that this year is a better year for you)!!
When I read it again, no...no reason for that kind of disclosure where all mutual friends can see it.
I replied at the end of her thread: "I'm glad you guys had a good laugh. No worries because we don't need to talk again."
Think that's fair and just.
Whichever poster said "imagine what she says behind your back" - - - I hate to think about it, honestly.
You did the right thing.
I hope 2013 is a better one for you. And for her, not so much.
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Thanks
