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I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Anyway, instead of being grateful that she does have shelter, she's been incessantly posting pictures of the "deplorable" apartment on Facebook. Granted, the place needs a cleaning and the dishes/pans need to be washed in the kitchen, but the place could be gotten presentable in half an hour. It's not unhealthy, but messy and cluttered.
I told her that she needs to move somewhere where she can get a decent job FIRST, and then pursue college in her spare time, rather than the other way around. She's going on about how she "hates money" and that "people are such disgusting and vile little beings that she wants to be alone, and that OTHER PEOPLE are the source of her troubles."
She doesn't get the fact that if she had an adequate amount of money, she could live on her own, keep things the way she wants them, do things at her own pace, etc. She's in complete denial that a large part of her current situation are because of poor prior decisions she's made, stemming back many, many years, and consistently blames other people.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 07-01-2014 at 10:19 AM..
Errr...that was me after my husband died. I languished in victim mode for a few years, blamed the world and everything else for my problems. I blamed my husband for many things - look what you did! - but he didn't do anything. He was long gone. I was the one still living, the only one that had the power to change anything. I felt powerless, but I created that reality.
Then I pulled my head outta my butt, thanks to my psychiatrist and much introspection. He didn't pull any punches and I really needed that in therapy.
I play "count your blessings" when I'm particularly down. And I count every single one - even that I have running water, plumbing, heating...the whole nine yards! Maybe you can suggest this to your friend?
In the end, at least she is working and going to school. It sounds like her attitude is really the only thing that needs a major adjustment. If you find yourself unable to broach the subject of her bad attitude, at least try to get her to minor in Accounting or Computer Science, something that has direct application to the working world. And I'm saying this as someone that graduated with a music degree from a pretty prestigious music school.
I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Anyway, instead of being grateful that she does have shelter, she's been incessantly posting pictures of the "deplorable" apartment on Facebook. Granted, the place needs a cleaning and the dishes/pans need to be washed in the kitchen, but the place could be gotten presentable in half an hour. It's not unhealthy, but messy and cluttered.
I told her that she needs to move somewhere where she can get a decent job FIRST, and then pursue college in her spare time, rather than the other way around. She's going on about how she "hates money" and that "people are such disgusting and vile little beings that she wants to be alone, and that OTHER PEOPLE are the source of her troubles."
She doesn't get the fact that if she had an adequate amount of money, she could live on her own, keep things the way she wants them, do things at her own pace, etc. She's in complete denial that a large part of her current situation are because of poor prior decisions she's made, stemming back many, many years, and consistently blames other people.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
I do know a few but I tend to not engage them because I don't want to hear their I'm the victim tales.
Why do you keep her on facebook?
I have known a few people like that. I discovered early on that the best way to deal with them was simply to put as much distance between them and myself as possible. They cannot be reasoned with, they are fixated on their grievances, and nothing anyone else says or does will change their outlook. Those who do change do so from within.
I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
Sounds like a woman with emotional problems whom I dated (briefly) in 2003, then became more of a friend off and one over the next seven years. Adults can sometimes decide they are better friends than lovers; I'm lucky enough to not get too wound-up about all that. Unlike most guys.
When I say "emotional problems," I mean a seriously disturbed person. Everyone gets moody, some are downright idiosyncratic, but not everyone starts bar fights, manhandles waitresses, gets placed on 72 psych holds by the cops (post-arrest for something) every five years or so, marries four men (sequentially, not simultaneously) the last of whom...never mind. Did time. Bulimic. Adult kids want nothing to do with her. On and on. Behaves, usually, behind of mask of sanity that slips periodically. Seduced by a bad policeman (call him "the bad Sergeant") who was later compelled to resign or be fired for that and other dalliances while on-duty, and lying about it, splashed all over the (some city, WA) news not long ago. On and on.
I really haven't followed her antics too closely past three years, other than hearing from others (and on the Internet) she was living on the street in our state capitol for awhile, then in some sort of halfway house, now on SSDI, and I don't know what-all else past year or two.
With that salubrious back-story, yes: this person always had someone to blame. It was always other's fault for "mistreating" her. The ex-husband's fault (all of them) for beating, running a train-on w/the poker buddies, on and on. Being fired repeatedly for stupid, emotional reactions to normal life-stressors. All men are "rapists", for allowing herself to be seduced (not excusing genuine sexual abuse, people: this woman seduces guys and uses sex for some sort of I-don't-know-what emotional purpose, then feels devastated when she's dumped by user-guys). She had the "misfortune" of being extraordinarily attractive when younger, too (and she really was); somehow, I think she'd have preferred being born plain or homely? Riiiight.
I tired of it. That whole victim mentality is great for lawsuits, "slavery reparations" arguments, and other demented and sad blue-sky situations that basically harass others. It drove everyone away, including me (last of her friends of any means). I've been over that awhile. Once you tire of the drama, you'll let that other person go, too. Believe me. They're like dickey birds, eating bugs off the backs of hippos.
I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Anyway, instead of being grateful that she does have shelter, she's been incessantly posting pictures of the "deplorable" apartment on Facebook. Granted, the place needs a cleaning and the dishes/pans need to be washed in the kitchen, but the place could be gotten presentable in half an hour. It's not unhealthy, but messy and cluttered.
I told her that she needs to move somewhere where she can get a decent job FIRST, and then pursue college in her spare time, rather than the other way around. She's going on about how she "hates money" and that "people are such disgusting and vile little beings that she wants to be alone, and that OTHER PEOPLE are the source of her troubles."
She doesn't get the fact that if she had an adequate amount of money, she could live on her own, keep things the way she wants them, do things at her own pace, etc. She's in complete denial that a large part of her current situation are because of poor prior decisions she's made, stemming back many, many years, and consistently blames other people.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
I did know one person like this. But it seems to be a common attitude these days. Alas. You ain't gonna change her and probably can't help her.
I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Anyway, instead of being grateful that she does have shelter, she's been incessantly posting pictures of the "deplorable" apartment on Facebook. Granted, the place needs a cleaning and the dishes/pans need to be washed in the kitchen, but the place could be gotten presentable in half an hour. It's not unhealthy, but messy and cluttered.
I told her that she needs to move somewhere where she can get a decent job FIRST, and then pursue college in her spare time, rather than the other way around. She's going on about how she "hates money" and that "people are such disgusting and vile little beings that she wants to be alone, and that OTHER PEOPLE are the source of her troubles."
She doesn't get the fact that if she had an adequate amount of money, she could live on her own, keep things the way she wants them, do things at her own pace, etc. She's in complete denial that a large part of her current situation are because of poor prior decisions she's made, stemming back many, many years, and consistently blames other people.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
Are you her friend or life coach/shrink?
Here is a piece of advice for you….most people, don't want their friends to "fix" things for them, their friends are there for support. If she is using FB to vent, at least she is by no mean in the minority. If her posts bug you, feel free to remove them from your newsfeed but stop trying to "fix" her it isn't your job and it isn't very "friendly".
I've been going back and forth with an acquaintance/friend in Facebook comments over the last couple of days. She's 29 and has been homeless for the past several months, but recently found a roommate situation, so she now has a roof over head. She works part-time for minimum wage and is majoring in acting at a regional state university. Obviously, she is making major life errors, one after another.
Anyway, instead of being grateful that she does have shelter, she's been incessantly posting pictures of the "deplorable" apartment on Facebook. Granted, the place needs a cleaning and the dishes/pans need to be washed in the kitchen, but the place could be gotten presentable in half an hour. It's not unhealthy, but messy and cluttered.
I told her that she needs to move somewhere where she can get a decent job FIRST, and then pursue college in her spare time, rather than the other way around. She's going on about how she "hates money" and that "people are such disgusting and vile little beings that she wants to be alone, and that OTHER PEOPLE are the source of her troubles."
She doesn't get the fact that if she had an adequate amount of money, she could live on her own, keep things the way she wants them, do things at her own pace, etc. She's in complete denial that a large part of her current situation are because of poor prior decisions she's made, stemming back many, many years, and consistently blames other people.
Do you know a lot of people who enjoy deflecting blame like this?
You can not change it, let them live and crying. She chose this life itself, to live in the negative.
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