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This is pretty much what I do in all conversations, male or female, young or old, romantic interest or not. It's just good manners. Only problem is it usually doesn't work on the specific group I'm talking about.
Got it. Sorry if I sounded condescending. It's just that many men, especially your age, don't know how to do that or realize how much women value simply being listened to. I probably didn't when I was 22. I'm glad you do, though.
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Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
Usually all I get are cordial yet short answers which indicate they're really not interested enough to answer the questions.
I would interpret that as meaning the person wasn't really interested in talking to me. I wouldn't view that as having to with the conversation topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
When I'm talking to guys it seems to work
That's because guys don't assume you're hitting on them (unless they think you're into guys), so it can be all about the conversation. Attractive young women do think you're hitting on them, because that's what they're used to guys doing (and, let's face it, that's what you're doing, too). If they're not interested in you in that way, they're going to shut it down before it can go any further.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
And I'm 22 for the record, birthday was on the 9th of January. I'm not in college though. I'm working, so that makes things a little difficult as most kids my age are in some form of schooling program and that gives them common ground.
Yeah, especially if you're a bit of an intellectual type, as you seem to be, you're more likely to find what you're looking for in an academic setting at age 22 than the working world. When you're 26 or 28 it may be different.
Got it. Sorry if I sounded condescending. It's just that many men, especially your age, don't know how to do that or realize how much women value simply being listened to. I probably didn't when I was 22. I'm glad you do, though.
Not to worry here, I do know the value of listening. My parents made damned sure of that. I can sit through the worst of lectures unscathed and appear to be raptly interested :P.
I would interpret that as meaning the person wasn't really interested in talking to me. I wouldn't view that as having to with the conversation topic.
Possibly. Though that kind of seems like Aseop's fox deciding that the fruit on the far branches weren't good to eat anyway. It could be they weren't interested in anything I had to say from the beginning, but there's no way to know that. Besides I see guys open up with the most inane lines and have it work for them.
That's because guys don't assume you're hitting on them (unless they think you're into guys), so it can be all about the conversation. Attractive young women do think you're hitting on them, because that's what they're used to guys doing (and, let's face it, that's what you're doing, too). If they're not interested in you in that way, they're going to shut it down before it can go any further.
Probably accurate. First impressions, even before conversation, do seem to determine almost everything. If one doesn't make a good physical impression it won't matter what comes out of your mouth because the other party's mind is already made up.
Yeah, especially if you're a bit of an intellectual type, as you seem to be, you're more likely to find what you're looking for in an academic setting at age 22 than the working world. When you're 26 or 28 it may be different.
I did go to college for a while but decided that an ivory tower liberal arts education was not for me. Perhaps it was a poor choice of campuses too. It is likely I will go back to school once I decide how to make it work but currently it makes more financial sense to work as tuition fees skyrocket to incredible levels. Unfortunately unlike many of my other asian friends I have no practical skills like engineering, science or technology. I'm only proficient in the bull**** subjects, haha. I suppose it is possible to wait until my late twenties to date but the longer you wait the more difficult in becomes.
Possibly. Though that kind of seems like Aseop's fox deciding that the fruit on the far branches weren't good to eat anyway. It could be they weren't interested in anything I had to say from the beginning, but there's no way to know that. Besides I see guys open up with the most inane lines and have it work for them.
That's exactly my point, though: If a woman is interested enough in you, opening with an inane line will work. If she's not at all interested in you, opening with the greatest line ever won't work.
If she shuts you down, she shuts you down. It probably wasn't the line you used that caused that, unless it was truly horrible. It's not that you just didn't find the right topic to talk about.
i'm a firm believer in the idea that men and women conversate differently. i can sit down with my male friends and we can discuss the same topic for an hour, easily, especially if it involves a comparison of technical details. Go out with a group of women and the topic will constantly change.
There are no topics that can be applied to such a broad group as you are asking about. Some girls are into polictics, some not, some like football, some not, some like TV reality shows, some not. Why not just ask her about herself, and go from there? To me "canned" topics are a turn-off, and the best conversations just flow naturally from one subject to another.
This.
Unless you're (not you specificially ocnjgirl) in a business meeting or whatever, where its expected that people discuss the designated topic(s), conversations should just flow naturally and spontaneously, with little or no prior planning. An icebreaker or other opener may be necessary to get the ball rolling, but beyond that...
To me it's more about how you socialize rather than what topics you talk about. While it's true that people will find certain topics dull no matter what, you can have an interesting/engaging conversation about almost any topic - and a boring conversation about almost any topic including those that the woman is normally passionate about. The common denominator in each case is you.
In a casual setting, it's easy to come across as awkward, nervous or uptight if your socializing is canned.
Odd that this thread was moved to non-romantic relationships. It's pretty clearly about approaching people of the opposite sex for the purpose of being able to ask them out.
Also yeah it is odd that this is in NRR now. Like I said I have no problem with generating casual, interesting conversation with platonic friends, guys or gals - the difference being the age group; most of my friends here in the States are over the age of the 30.
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