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Old 01-19-2013, 12:29 PM
 
1,866 posts, read 2,264,073 times
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So I've been waiting to go hang out with my roommate this weekend, since we didn't get a chance to go last weekend. Unfortunately, he told me that tonight we can't because his cousin is throwing a bday party and im not invited. He didn't say that exactly but said it was an "intimate affair and they were getting a head count" A little background of this is that my family is practically non existent. My parents have passed away and I have a half sister that I don't talk to. My roommate knows this and I have been invited to thanksgiving and christmas last year where his cousins used to live. The cousins are a brother and sister and the brother used to live with us. I tried to befriend him but he seemed more interested in playing videogames than being my friend. The one thing that I did notice was that EVERYTHING I did seemed to annoy him. I chalked this up to lack of people skills and when he finally moved out I was a little happy.

Well he moved in with his sister and I have been to her house before too for a party they threw. I didn't really say much, just watched the game and that was it. I went back over there to help her brother move out of my roommates house. Now with that being said, I feel kinda insulted that I can go to all these family gatherings but I am not allowed to attend the bday party. I feel like these people now don't like me and that is fine if they don't, but don't talk to me at your family gatherings like we are friends too. So I guess my question is should I be upset about this? I have the sister on facebook but now I am thinking of deleting her.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:34 PM
 
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I would wait and assess after the party and a bit of time passes. You may want to pull back from them, but defriending and making statements at this point - is not going to solve anything and you may find out additional information that makes you regret it. You can always snub them - and in time you will know if that is the right course to take, but dont do it in haste. You also want to remember that you have to live and deal with your roommate - take your time and make a decision you will not regret.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:38 PM
 
1,866 posts, read 2,264,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StilltheSame View Post
I would wait and assess after the party and a bit of time passes. You may want to pull back from them, but defriending and making statements at this point - is not going to solve anything and you may find out additional information that makes you regret it. You can always snub them - and in time you will know if that is the right course to take, but dont do it in haste. You also want to remember that you have to live and deal with your roommate - take your time and make a decision you will not regret.
hey still, thanks for your response. You are right, this is something that should not be done hastily. I think I am ok with my roommate, they don't come up in conversation often. I think as long as I don't vocalize my discontent then I should be ok.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Although they have been nice and included you in many family functions, technically you are not a family member. It is their right to invite -or not invite - anyone they want.

Of course, you cannot help the feelings you have. You feel what you feel, and it makes sense that you would feel hurt and left out.

But you can control how you REACT to your feelings. Snubbing them and unfriending people on FB might satisfy your need for revenge and make you feel better for a minute, but in the long run it is a childish way to act.

The more mature you act in situations like this, the more people will want to be around you and include you in things.

The more childish your behavior, the more you will be EXCLUDED as people just don't want to be around you at all.
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,060 posts, read 17,382,869 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Although they have been nice and included you in many family functions, technically you are not a family member. It is their right to invite -or not invite - anyone they want.

Of course, you cannot help the feelings you have. You feel what you feel, and it makes sense that you would feel hurt and left out.

But you can control how you REACT to your feelings. Snubbing them and unfriending people on FB might satisfy your need for revenge and make you feel better for a minute, but in the long run it is a childish way to act.

The more mature you act in situations like this, the more people will want to be around you and include you in things.

The more childish your behavior, the more you will be EXCLUDED as people just don't want to be around you at all.
Excellent points.

My family has many "friends of the family" that are very close to us and are often invited to typical family only events. But, occassionally we have parties or get-togethers that are strictly "family only". Sometimes, it is because we are going to be talking about "personal, family business" (finances, wills, etc) at some point and it would be inappropriate to have non-family members present.

Don't over react, this really may be an "intimate family gathering".
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:35 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,310,688 times
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Giving us your back story about your lack of family seems to indicate that you're trying to make your friend's family into your family. Keep in mind they are friends , not family. If you get too pushy, too clingy, too involved or concerned as to what they're doing together, you may find yourself totally rejected.

The fact that the room mate was annoyed with you is saying something about your relationship with him. What we don't know. But perhaps he was trying to create some distance between the two of you.

I wouldn't get upset at all abut the fact that the family is having a birthday party without you. They don't have to invite you. Because they invite you to a holiday does not man that every time they get together you have to be there. Give them their space, plenty of it. They are friends, not family, those are different relationships.

In the meantime, work on developing more and different friendships so that you will not be so focused on this one person and his family. Forget the Facebook nonsense, it serves no useful purpose.
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Old 01-19-2013, 02:30 PM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,556,150 times
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Why do you expect to be invited to the birthday party of someone who:

1. Has let you know that he finds you annoying

2. You don't even like

Aren't such celebrations typically shared with people who are, I don't know, friends?
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:23 PM
 
4,728 posts, read 4,477,195 times
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This is the problem with roommates. One usually expects the other to become his/her best friend or surrogate family. Being someone's roommate does not mean you need to be included in all aspects of their life.
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:28 PM
 
1,866 posts, read 2,264,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Why do you expect to be invited to the birthday party of someone who:

1. Has let you know that he finds you annoying

2. You don't even like

Aren't such celebrations typically shared with people who are, I don't know, friends?
we have the same circle of friends, hence I do feel left out

The party is for his sister which is also my roommates cousin, not for him. I guess you are right, defriending her i guess is childish, but the way that I look at it is, if you don't want to be my friend, then why should you be on my facebook? I don't think its going to be just a "family affair". I just texted one of our other friends so if he's going then there's nothing that I can do, it's just that I always feel left out here since I moved back, this is a small town with a small town mentality and I can't just up and leave either. I guess I'll just suck it up.
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:30 PM
 
1,866 posts, read 2,264,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgianbelle View Post
This is the problem with roommates. One usually expects the other to become his/her best friend or surrogate family. Being someone's roommate does not mean you need to be included in all aspects of their life.
no, this is incorrect. I have had many roommates from college and just in life in general. My current roommates family knows my family so there is a connection there. He has become my best friend but not because I wanted him to be, it just happened. He doesn't really hang out with a lot of people and neither do I so, I guess we just hang with each other haha.

And yes he goes and does his own thing too
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