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Well this is part 1 of a problem that I have, so there is the group in college that I used to hang out with and it is BIG. Like there were 18 regulars all the time, now over time it has dwindled down to about 12 or so. I used to really be in with this group and I will admit that I did some stupid things, like being immature and trying to get attention from everyone so I would say and do all kinds of stuff. Well I kinda got kicked out in a way about 6 years ago. Every once in while, I still see the main guy that everyone leans on. I finally asked him if he had a problem with me and he said no and he has always been nice enough to hang out with me every once in a while. I know that some of the other people have a problem with me though and he said he couldn't tell me why because they wouldn't tell him.
Well I was thinking about everything and I saw a pic of a party that was thrown of some of the people that did not care for me and everyone was there and I never got a call or an invite but he and I did hang out the next day. The thing is is that I am in a stupid small town(small town mentality stupid I know) and everyone hangs out in cliques and if you don't, then there must be something wrong with you. He is well connected for someone that doesn't have a fantastic job and there is no way that I could not go out to the clubs or bars in the next city over without anyone not knowing who he is, he really knows that many people.
Well I was thinking about everything and I know I have made some mistakes and acted dumb and I am kinda sad and my heart feels heavy thinking about everything. I don't have family to lean on and I just moved here for a job and I have been here going on my second year and I only have 1 friend which is my roommate. I would like to start hanging out with my friend and this group again because not everyone in it hates me so should I try to hang back out with them and reintergrate myself in the group and say the hell with it? Or should I try to do something else? One thing I have to say though, is that I am seriously tired of being alone.
Congratulations. Sloughing off these people is part of growing up. Realizing that you did stupid things in the past is part of growing up, too. Which means that changing your life is part of growing up.
Hey, I had a group of friends like that in high school and college. But when I hit 23, I realized that these were people who were incredibly dysfunctional people. So I quit that group cold turkey. Mind you, it meant quite a few weekends where I didn't have anything going on. But that just meant I started trying other activities that were better for me. So start looking for friends with whom you have things in common, not just people with a pulse.
I am so confused. Do you live in the town where you all went to college, a different (stupid) small town, or the place you just moved to 2 years ago where you don't know anyone?
You're young enough to job hunt and find a better job in a larger town. This doesn't have to be your life. Keep looking. Learn from what you did and become better.
You're young enough to job hunt and find a better job in a larger town. This doesn't have to be your life. Keep looking. Learn from what you did and become better.
It sounds like there is nothing really holding you in the small town you don't like. I would start looking for a job elsewhere and move on.
I think the whole thing sounds like a teenage soap opera. Do activities that you like doing, you will find people you have more in common with. Also you might try not putting down the people where you live, and thinking that being "intellectual" makes you somehow different or better than them, and that they have "stupid, small town mentality". They probably feel that you consider yourself better than them, and yet you want to cling onto them. I would probably be weirded out by that attitude too.
I think the whole thing sounds like a teenage soap opera. Do activities that you like doing, you will find people you have more in common with. Also you might try not putting down the people where you live, and thinking that being "intellectual" makes you somehow different or better than them, and that they have "stupid, small town mentality". They probably feel that you consider yourself better than them, and yet you want to cling onto them. I would probably be weirded out by that attitude too.
I was thinking the same thing. It sounds like a bunch of high school silly teenage drama to me.
I don't need a "group" to make me feel like I belong. I can go to a club completely by myself, start shooting some BS with the bartender and then a few people at the bar or close by and the next thing you know I am in the middle of a party. It really is that easy. The next thing you know, all of the sudden that "group" will start showing up wanting to hang out with YOU and you can either go along with it or tell them to get lost!
OK, I only read your original post. As I was reading, I was thinking that you should just move away & start fresh, but then I see how you said you just recently moved back into that small town. So I guess you used to live outside of the town, then recently came back.
Is there any way you can move away for good this time? If the town is so tiny where you can't fart without people knowing it, why would you want to return anyway?
You need to move away & start fresh in a bigger city. If you must stay there for a while, I wouldn't try to be in with the same group. Obviously from the party picture that you saw of them, they sill don't like you anymore to invite you, so why keep trying to push yourself onto people where you're not wanted? OK, so you did some stupid things in the past, but unfortunately, they're not going to forget it & it's all them against just you, so forget them. Why go through all that again. That part of your life is over.
I tell you, I'd rather be alone than try to go back to some friends who I fell out with years ago. If you still want to hang out with only those from the old group who still like you, then OK, but as far as the entire gang again, don't do it. It seems liek a recipe for unnecessary drama, backstabbing, talking behind your back, & them being fake around you and/or downright nasty around you.
But, try your best to move away...for good!
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It sounds like there is nothing really holding you in the small town you don't like. I would start looking for a job elsewhere and move on.
