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That's probably a big reason you make people feel uncomfortable. They assume the reason has to do with how you feel about them personally. They don't realize that it has nothing to do with them.
That's most likely plays a big part, because from what I've read on the issue of no eye contact is that it has to deal with trust issues, shyness, and being submissive. If anyone knows what no eye contact symbolizes, that would be great to hear. Even with people I fully trust and am not shy around, I tend to still have issues of looking them in their eyes. It's really weird and it frustrates me sometimes but I'm working on the issue and hopefully it comes naturally after I just practice.
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With a room full of people I'll be the one sitting on the side, watching.
I feel like I'm reading about myself. Honestly, I don't even really like people so I don't care what they think about me. I'm shy and quiet and recharge my batteries by being by myself. I have friends who accept me for who I am as an introvert and don't try to push me outside of my comfort zone. If you have friends and are functioning in society, why do you care if your coworkers like you or not? It isn't a rule that you have to be friends with people you work with...
I am like this. I am not misanthropic but I am certainly not someone who "loves people" though, by any means. Any more than I "love" children. I like some people, some children, it totally depends! I find many people to be obnoxious and annoying, sorry to say. Always going on blah blah about American Idol or their favorite sports team or whatever they bought at Aeropostale and OMG they got the newnewnew I-phone and a 200 dollar pair of shades, just consumerist empty BS prattling. Then people will surprise me in a good way from time to time and I think "Wow, maybe someone a bit different!", and that's always nice.
Wow, sorry about that little tangent.
I am not shy and I can talk your ear off IF I am in the mood to do so but i am reserved when getting to know people and even spending time with my dearly loved, most amazing, most interesting and funny and pleasant friends leaves me drained at the end of the visit.
Anyway unfortunately, yes, while it is not a rule that you must be friends with people you work with, it can make a big difference. I have seen it first hand; the person who always begs off with the invite for after work drinks on a Friday is the one passed up for the promotion. I was fired once because I was the one female in an office of five females who pretty much did my job and went home whereas they were always partying together, when one of their friend moved back from out of town, they fired me to make room for her. I was never rude or stand-offish with the others, just doing my own thing and actually working (what a concept) instead of taking long lunches and coming back drunk or stoned or both (which they all 3 often did, leaving me in charge)... that's the reality of it.
[quote=dijkstra;27923834]I feel the same way as well. I have always been introverted and I have a sarcastic dry sense of humor as well so people often tell me when they first met me, they thought I was a d!ck head and didn't like them.
They were mostly right, I am sometimes and to be honest I don't like people in my ear wanting to talk about what so and so said or what someone posted on facebook or any of that other social drama stupidity that seems to entertain so called "normal" people. I own a couple of businesses and usually have a lot going on in my mind and I really don't care to sit around and chit chat. Some people have also commented how they think I don't like them because rather than go have lunch with them, I often prefer to have lunch alone so I can shut my mind off for a half hour and not have to listen to someone yapping about their problems.
I personally think some of those people who have the need for everyone to like them and have this thing about wanting to socialize with everyone have more of a problem than me. They are the ones that sit around thinking and worrying about it while I on the other hand couldn't care less whether they like me or not.[/quote]
Yes yes yes!
I was raised by an extreme extrovert. Ugh! I grew up with her telling me to "Smile!" no matter what, bugging me about not having more friends (I always had a few close friends, which I preferred), nagging me if I dared to want to be alone in my room reading, and to this day she is constantly worried about what everyone thinks of her and me and my kids and she cannot wrap her head around how it is possible that we don't care!
Now as an adult, I live with nothing but introverts (aside from the youngest who is 10) and it is amazing, everyone here understands when another family member needs space and it's no issue.
I'm sure you meant no harm but please do not use the word normal to describe non-introverts. And also, you probably don't want to be prescribing medicine for a perfectly healthy personality type over the internet.
Op, there is nothing wrong with you! You are an introvert living in a extrovert world! Since it is having an impact on your job, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a little.
Spend some time researching your personality type. Introverts are not always shy, nor socially awkward or rude. Although, one could perceive it that way if they didn't know better. Introverts basically get their energy drained in groups, and enjoy alone time. Most introverts are self-confident people who don't need other people around all the time to feel like they have a purpose, nor are they hermits.
There are a lot more introverts out there than one might think!
The OP is in a position to lose his job over his "introvertedness". A case that extreme is most likely not just a matter of being less socially inclined. He and you should be lucky you got a chance to stumble across someone who even mentioned DMG. It really does work for people on the autism spectrum. Otherwise it improves mental health and nearly helps all kinds of serious diseases. No side effects. I only take it because a co-worker said it helped his son with autism and when he took it it also helped with another disease he had that I also happen to have. It's one of the most significant supplements I take, infact with it the disease almost completely goes away.
Also it's impossible for me to look someone else into their eyes, I just cannot do it. I try and try and try but I always end up looking away.
Yep, I have a very hard time doing that as well. Probably why I vent and troll on the web so much, its the only way I can "express" myself without the uncomfortableness and consequences of being a jerk to someones face
But... the pastor of my church just left an hour or so ago, and he was pretty grumpy about my quietness. Said I needed to talk more, join more, blah, blah, blah. I told him the only thing I could of, that "I guess you need to ask God why He made me like I am. I'm pretty cool with me."
Humble pie, your Pastor needs a few slices, whata ****
I'm an introverted person. Pretty much every friend I've ever had has joked that when they first met me they thought I hated them but I "changed" when they got to know me. I actually got marked down in my evaluation at work for appearing to be "closed off." I had excellent marks on this at my old job, but it was a smaller place and I was really comfortable with everyone. I tried really hard to find at least something to talk about with everyone...yet I am still giving off this vibe. Are there any other introverts that deal with this and what has helped you?
Can you accept the idea that not everyone will be your friend, & that is not necessarily all your fault?
If you are introverted, it may take people longer to get to know you. And you likely know that indifference is not the same as hate. And your co-workers & others you met should understand this as well. Some peole are very impatient & want to judge a person instantly. They may not be the best friends for you, anyway, if they include trivialities in their instant judgment.
Your friends joking that you "changed" when they got to know you, I think that may be their way of saying I'm sorry I had a negative first impression of you. Now I see you can be a good friend. Those people that gave themselves enough time to learn what you are really like are your real friends. They may think you are imperfect, but think enough to realize that applies to themselves & all people They don't demand that you be a clone of themselves, but they probably see a bit of themselves in you, and they may wish they coild be more like you in some way(s). You probably share some interests.
People who make instant judgments may be too busy with work, family, existing friends, a hobby, to find time for more friends, so they may come up with ways to make instant judgments to reject most.
Finding something to talk about with everyone is really hard unless it's just hi, how are you, nice day isn't it? See you later, bye. Does such talk lead to more serious conversation? I don't know the odds.
I don't know your bosses rules on talking. Does it have to be work-related?
Hare are my social flaws: Can't start talking or can't stop talking. May interrupt & change subject. May talk too long on shared interest or annoy people talking even briefly about something that doesn't interest them or may be in some way offensive or misunderstood. If none of these apply to you, great.
I say I'll improve myself someday. I have the tips, just not memorized. The book is How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Each chapter tells a story to prove the advice at the end of each chapter "In a Nutshell". A sentence or 2 to remember from each chapter, could be put on index cards, take out of pocket whenever there is a free moment to study. Best wishes.
The OP is in a position to lose his job over his "introvertedness". A case that extreme is most likely not just a matter of being less socially inclined. He and you should be lucky you got a chance to stumble across someone who even mentioned DMG. It really does work for people on the autism spectrum. Otherwise it improves mental health and nearly helps all kinds of serious diseases. No side effects. I only take it because a co-worker said it helped his son with autism and when he took it it also helped with another disease he had that I also happen to have. It's one of the most significant supplements I take, infact with it the disease almost completely goes away.
DMG? Wow, either I never heard of it or didn't know what it is good for. Thanks & best wishes.
My husband is an introvert and that talk did amazing things for our ability to understand each other. Understanding different personality types is very beneficial in workplace productivity.
The OP is in a position to lose his job over his "introvertedness". A case that extreme is most likely not just a matter of being less socially inclined. He and you should be lucky you got a chance to stumble across someone who even mentioned DMG. It really does work for people on the autism spectrum. Otherwise it improves mental health and nearly helps all kinds of serious diseases. No side effects. I only take it because a co-worker said it helped his son with autism and when he took it it also helped with another disease he had that I also happen to have. It's one of the most significant supplements I take, infact with it the disease almost completely goes away.
While I can appreciate that you're sincere, not everything has to be solved by taking a pill. Obviously there are situations that warrent that for sure! I think we should leave those kind of decisions to the professionals. But I'm very happy that you are feeling better!
Aspergers & Austim are not the same as being Introverted.
Pretty much every friend I've ever had has joked that when they first met me they thought I hated them but I "changed" when they got to know me. I don't get it all, but mulitple people have said this across multiple settings for years, so obviously it's true.
No you did not change, they understood you better. They perceived it as a change in your behavior because that's what extroverts do - focus on everyone else.
You're explaining an introvert (myself) to an extrovert. You're explaining your nature to someone with almost a polar opposite nature. That has been my experience and I have lived your entire paragraph all my life too.
As always - YMMV.
Extroverts (IMNSHO) are all about being loud, center of attention, all eyes on them, and being in everyone else's business. People perceive this as 'friendly,' 'outgoing' and decidedly a more desirable personality particularly in the workplace. I find these people often are superficial, flaky, occasionally untrustworthy (because that mouth is always running and those ears are never set to the "ON" position) and difficult to maintain long-lasting friendships with.
Last edited by 3DogNight; 01-25-2013 at 07:15 AM..
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