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Old 01-29-2013, 01:05 PM
 
657 posts, read 590,467 times
Reputation: 437

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they made more people like this. I thought my family was the only one that had a blabber mouth
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Old 01-29-2013, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Northern CA
12,770 posts, read 9,809,077 times
Reputation: 4243
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
And I mean extreme. Everything I say she already knows about it and goes into a lengthy lecture on the subject.

Or she is defensive and argumentative on every point, no matter how minor.

She goes on and on about her personal family and financial problems, but never does anything to address them. Just likes to vent over and over.

I have been hung up on more than once when I've tried to offer advice or comment. I don't say much of anything now, just hold the phone away from my ear while she rants, lectures, etc.

It has gotten to the point that I avoid her calls, which are daily. She has said more than once that people quit speaking to her because of her mouth, so she can't be clueless.

She usually literally shouts when she talks and calls me ''dear'' as in ''let me tell you dear''. Stuff like that which feels very patronizing.

She has been fired multiple times, is unemployed and always hitting others up for money. Won't try to find a job. Just a mess. Always some kind of drama.

She has alienated herself from her only child and he is school age but moved in with neighbors to get out of the house where she lives with 12 pets, cats and dogs.

This person is family, but it's hard to take.

Thank God she lives across country or I'd be moving.

I love her, but am fed up with all this and being talked down to all the time and not really able to converse like friends should-mutually and respectfully.

At one point it was a nice relationship/friendship. No more.

How would you deal with this?

It is really getting to me as I hate to ignore, but I hate to interact.
Those types don't change, either expect her to always be that way and accept it, or bail out and cut communication as much as possible. You will have zero impact. They are self-centered and very narrow-minded.
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Old 02-03-2013, 01:22 PM
 
1,263 posts, read 2,759,042 times
Reputation: 1880
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
{snip}
Last night I actually set the phone on speaker and worked a crossword for about ten minutes, then announced a reason to end the call.
That's great! I'm going to try that with my aggravating relative.
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Old 02-03-2013, 01:51 PM
 
Location: New England
1,132 posts, read 2,057,962 times
Reputation: 1981
I try to avoid anyone that thinks they know-it-all. It just isn't worth being around someone like that. I see them as either conceded and impressed with themselves. OP, she sounds very condescending. Not a friend I'd want.

Ignoring is less stressful than interacting.
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Old 02-05-2013, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,135 posts, read 3,484,862 times
Reputation: 9846
Ignoring is definitely less stressful!

Since my last post I actually told her during one call that she should just shut up for a change and learn to listen. It caused a tiff and meant nothing, but I don't care anymore.

I respond to texts and emails, but don't hurry to do so and don't initiate.

To what end, I say? It's all about her and any comment leads to defensive yammering. So sad...
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:25 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,012,959 times
Reputation: 16171
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
And I mean extreme. Everything I say she already knows about it and goes into a lengthy lecture on the subject.

Or she is defensive and argumentative on every point, no matter how minor.

She goes on and on about her personal family and financial problems, but never does anything to address them. Just likes to vent over and over.

I have been hung up on more than once when I've tried to offer advice or comment. I don't say much of anything now, just hold the phone away from my ear while she rants, lectures, etc.

It has gotten to the point that I avoid her calls, which are daily. She has said more than once that people quit speaking to her because of her mouth, so she can't be clueless.

She usually literally shouts when she talks and calls me ''dear'' as in ''let me tell you dear''. Stuff like that which feels very patronizing.

She has been fired multiple times, is unemployed and always hitting others up for money. Won't try to find a job. Just a mess. Always some kind of drama.

She has alienated herself from her only child and he is school age but moved in with neighbors to get out of the house where she lives with 12 pets, cats and dogs.

This person is family, but it's hard to take.

Thank God she lives across country or I'd be moving.

I love her, but am fed up with all this and being talked down to all the time and not really able to converse like friends should-mutually and respectfully.

At one point it was a nice relationship/friendship. No more.

How would you deal with this?

It is really getting to me as I hate to ignore, but I hate to interact.
I have known people like this and they DO NOT change. You may have noticed I said "known" not "know. Family or not, I cannot handle this kind of personality. All they care about is themselves. The 1 or 2 people that I have known that are like this will drain the life-force right out of you. You can only handle so much of a person like this. I think I would avoid her calls completely and say a little prayer of thanks that she doesn't live close to you.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,135 posts, read 3,484,862 times
Reputation: 9846
Thumbs up Figured it out..

When I first posted this issue, I was at my "wit's end". After seeing all your responses I've gotten some perspective, for sure.

What I realized last night is that it took me about a year to get a handle on this person and her "cycles" of neediness, crisis/drama stuff, relationship issues, alienation by others, fanciful/delusional thinking, and her absolute need to always be "down and out" rather than taking charge of her life, her arrogance, etc.

She has been cast out by family, friends, neighbors, employers, and now me all because we just can't take it anymore!

I believe she has a mental illness and I know from her telling it that she has considered that too. But it's only in glimmers of self-awareness over the past years that she has gone for any help. I am sure she argued and alienated anyone that might have helped her even then.

Beyond that, when a person can articulate WHY they have no friends, why family abandons them, why they cannot keep a job, why they refuse to change, and they still won't take action, then what is left?

In my estimation, not much.

At that point for those around her it becomes "save yourself" and that is exactly what I am doing!

Distance protects me and so does email and texting and voice mail. If she ever moved locally I am afraid we'd just have to not answer the phone or go to the door and take some very drastic measures to insulate ourselves.

Again, all sad, but all true.

I gotta say, since I posted this originally and you all responded, my stress meter has gone down a lot!

Thank you!
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Old 02-06-2013, 04:52 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
And I mean extreme. Everything I say she already knows about it and goes into a lengthy lecture on the subject.

Or she is defensive and argumentative on every point, no matter how minor.

She goes on and on about her personal family and financial problems, but never does anything to address them. Just likes to vent over and over.

I have been hung up on more than once when I've tried to offer advice or comment. I don't say much of anything now, just hold the phone away from my ear while she rants, lectures, etc.

It has gotten to the point that I avoid her calls, which are daily. She has said more than once that people quit speaking to her because of her mouth, so she can't be clueless.

She usually literally shouts when she talks and calls me ''dear'' as in ''let me tell you dear''. Stuff like that which feels very patronizing.

She has been fired multiple times, is unemployed and always hitting others up for money. Won't try to find a job. Just a mess. Always some kind of drama.

She has alienated herself from her only child and he is school age but moved in with neighbors to get out of the house where she lives with 12 pets, cats and dogs.

This person is family, but it's hard to take.

Thank God she lives across country or I'd be moving.

I love her, but am fed up with all this and being talked down to all the time and not really able to converse like friends should-mutually and respectfully.

At one point it was a nice relationship/friendship. No more.

How would you deal with this?

It is really getting to me as I hate to ignore, but I hate to interact.

Yes, I know the type and you have described her very well. I have known people exactly like that. I have a sister who is that way.

Honestly, you will never change a person like this. You can attempt to set boundaries, but usually it just does not work. It becomes especially hard when that person is a relative, and people presure you to be nice, because "sisters get along". Yes, it is very nice when sisters get along and have normal relationships, but when one of them acts the way that you describe, it is not so nice.

In fact, it's horrible.

I think people who act this way suffer from a variety of personality disorders. Being a "know it all" is a feature of these disorders.

Unfortunately, people like this seldom change. I know all about the endless listening advice given and not taken, and being hung up on - which to me is never acceptable, and then the person calling back repeatedly.

I can't deal with people like this. For you own sanity, I would not continue participating in this sick drama that is passing as a friendship. Even if she is family.

I'd call it quits. I really wish you well. Sometimes even across country is not far away enough.
These people are very persistent.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:13 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
Oh, believe me, I've expressed my concern about ''the kid'' more than once. One of the times she hung up on me was during that ''talk''.

According to her, he has found an ''alternative family'' with his girlfriend's family, works two jobs and is saving up for a car and his own place, is applying to college, and will be on his own at age 18 by next summer when he graduates high school. He has set boundaries with her and will escape and survive, though with some emotional damage, obviously. He is pretty mature for a ''kid''.

He did not spend the holidays with her or visit her in the hospital or come home to help her when she came home from surgery last month.

I'd say he is ''running for his life'' and I can't blame him. I've never met him and have no relationship there, but I really feel for him. It's so sad.

There is no father or sibs in the picture. One younger sister in Maine who has told her not to ask for money anymore as she can no longer help her.
MY God She IS just like my sister!!!!! All of her children ( except the 11 yr old who she hasn't disposed of yet) - teens and 20s do not speak to her because if this type of crazyness. She initially started "farming them out" - to me, to their friend's families and as you say they all have "alternative families". WOW.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,135 posts, read 3,484,862 times
Reputation: 9846
Unreal, the similarities. I know it is definitely a ''personality disorder'' and therefore won't change. She has a sib that she describes who acts exactly like her, but it's no surprize as her mom was exactly like this.
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