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Well, I've backed off the interaction to one phone call a week and minimal texting and email. The ''constant crisis'' lifestyle of her's continues on and I realize it now for what it is. Just more drama. I've realized that I've been a convenient ''dumping ground'', but no more! My inner life feels a lot less chaotic too!
Well, I've backed off the interaction to one phone call a week and minimal texting and email. The ''constant crisis'' lifestyle of her's continues on and I realize it now for what it is. Just more drama. I've realized that I've been a convenient ''dumping ground'', but no more! My inner life feels a lot less chaotic too!
It is certainly harder if the relationship has been ongoing for a while.
I just recently stepped back from a "friend" like this. The thing is, I didn't discover this side of her at first. Took a while for it to surface, then once she felt more comfortable with me, I guess, this behavior started.
Much of the same things you mentioned. Constant crisis but unwilling to change anything at all. Lets people walk all over her but seems to get an ego stroke from being "needed" even though she complains constantly about being taken advantage of. And every conversation after a while was just a broken record and Me Me Me.
I have slowly disentangled myself. It was bad because I was getting sucked into constant interaction for a while, with her coming by or pressuring me to come over, calling/texting all the time. It was harder but I managed to "stay busy" enough that she seems to have taken the hint. I felt pretty bad because I think it hurt her feelings that I pulled back but jeez. I don't have the energy for that kind of drama in my life!
She is a woman almost old enough to be my mother (and I am 41) with grown children that cause her nothing but grief yet she allows and enables it and totally thrives on the idea that she cannot ever have a break from her house or "everything would fall apart". I don't want to be her age, ever, with the cops at my house once a week, you know?
My younger sibling is a know it all. Now as we care for my mom in endstage cancer she is driving me crazy.
First, the medical term for everything has to be used. "Liver failure" becomes "acute hepatic distress" or confusion because of liver failure becomes "hepatic encephalopthy". She consults her "team of physicians" that she works with on each and every development of my mom's cancer (she is in a PhD program in Public Health, which she has been in for a number of years without completing, and she knows exactly one doctor personally, who is a pediatrician). Though she is not a medical doctor, she thinks she is. If you respond to something she asks you, it is only an opportunity for her to prove that she knows more than you do by refuting whatever answer you give.
Each and every issue with the normal disease progression gets blown up into such huge alarmist proportion that she has convinced my aunts and other family members (some on a fixed income) to fly and see my mom immediately because she is about to breathe her last. She is constantly telling us that she knows when the end is approaching but has been proven wrong each time (thankfully).
She rewrites reality, including her relationship with our mom so that she appears to be the shining star in all situations. Recently, she was involved with a Nigerian scammer online, and announced to all that she was getting married so that "mom can be there" immediately. After this was shut down, she refused to acknowledge that the bridegroom did not exist and that she had made a public ass of herself. She absolutely refuses to talk about this, though it was a big deal not even two months ago. In short, its obvious that her know-it-all behavior is a mask for her crippling insecurity and need for approval. I feel sorry for her and would love to honestly broach these topics, but she is too busy wrapping herself up in the drama of being a "medical expert" while my mom declines. Its very very sad, but I admit, it still drives me nuts.
I finally completely severed this relationship about 2 months ago.
Since my last post I had narrowed my contact with her down to texts only and yet all the drama continued day and night. Always the same hair-brained schemes and manufactured crisises.
I realized more than ever her level of dishonesty as well her insincerity with me personally.
I also began to suspect her of doing things to bring in quick money because one day she didn't have dog food money and the next she was buying a car and paying cash. I suspected drug use and drug selling if not other ''favors'' for quick, big amounts of cash.
I learned of her through other's reviews and complaints about her home-based business and found her also engaging in obnoxious and inappropriate behavior with customers who reported these practices on-line.
I quickly began to see clearly that this woman is deeply disturbed and has alienated many on a personal level.
One day I made a comment to her via text in response to her telling me some very bizarre plans that she was making with re to her home and business.
Without elaboration, I was cautioning her against taking an action that risked her losing it all -home, business, pets, everything. This was a few comments on text mildly saying that I thought this was risky behavior and why.
The next day she fired off 15 text messages chewing me up one side and down another and calling me everry name in the book.
That was it. I told her I was done with her and not to contact me any more. Two weeks later she sent one text offering apology and I ignored it.
Already I was feeling the peace and calm that was back in my life and will never restore any connection with her.
I am certain that I am ''just one more'' lost relationship in her life and she WILL find others to use as ''garbage pails'' for her drama and crap.
I finally completely severed this relationship about 2 months ago.
Since my last post I had narrowed my contact with her down to texts only and yet all the drama continued day and night. Always the same hair-brained schemes and manufactured crisises.
I realized more than ever her level of dishonesty as well her insincerity with me personally.
I also began to suspect her of doing things to bring in quick money because one day she didn't have dog food money and the next she was buying a car and paying cash. I suspected drug use and drug selling if not other ''favors'' for quick, big amounts of cash.
I learned of her through other's reviews and complaints about her home-based business and found her also engaging in obnoxious and inappropriate behavior with customers who reported these practices on-line.
I quickly began to see clearly that this woman is deeply disturbed and has alienated many on a personal level.
One day I made a comment to her via text in response to her telling me some very bizarre plans that she was making with re to her home and business.
Without elaboration, I was cautioning her against taking an action that risked her losing it all -home, business, pets, everything. This was a few comments on text mildly saying that I thought this was risky behavior and why.
The next day she fired off 15 text messages chewing me up one side and down another and calling me everry name in the book.
That was it. I told her I was done with her and not to contact me any more. Two weeks later she sent one text offering apology and I ignored it.
Already I was feeling the peace and calm that was back in my life and will never restore any connection with her.
I am certain that I am ''just one more'' lost relationship in her life and she WILL find others to use as ''garbage pails'' for her drama and crap.
Good for you!! Proud of you!!
I too, am working on eliminating an Alcoholic relative out of my life. Eliminating may not be the right word, distancing myself, better? And what a relief it's been. It's so draining. (not implying your friend is an alkie )
I finally completely severed this relationship about 2 months ago.
Already I was feeling the peace and calm that was back in my life and will never restore any connection with her....
I am certain that I am ''just one more'' lost relationship in her life and she WILL find others to use as ''garbage pails'' for her drama and crap.
Good for you! You done good!
I did the same with a very similar woman I know, your description fit her quite closely. She has also been fired from many jobs and is now living out of her car, parking at Walmart to sleep nights, all because of her big mouth, endless drama, and know-it-all blathering. I really do believe she cannot shut her mouth to save her life, and if someone had a gun to her head yelling at her to shut up she'd just keep running her mouth until he pulled the trigger.
She burned through $9000 of her son's money, and blew up at him when he asked about it, just like she does when others lose patience with her and tell her she's driving them up the wall. There's a well-defined personality type here, but I'm not sure what to call it.
I looked it up, and the woman I know fits for the most part. I saw her get into a relationship with a really really bad man, and she let's other pretty bad types into her life as well. Most of the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder deals with the person's internal emotional state, which is hard for me to judge with her because she would simply overwhelm me with her insufferable drama and motor-mouthing and all I wanted was to get as far away from her as fast as I could.
I particularly remember from my graduate school days that one of the main features of a ''personality disorder'' is that they don't think that they have a problem.
I particularly remember from my graduate school days that one of the main features of a ''personality disorder'' is that they don't think that they have a problem.
It is everyone else that is the problem!
This fits my family member to the tee.
With the woman I mentioned she is in absolute and determined denial of her problem, and aggressively blames everyone else for the results of her behavior. It's a major component of her drama, how they have all victimized her by not wanting to be subjected to her endless drama and sob stories.
On top of that she allows really nasty characters into her life, who use her and abuse her, so that she then has even more drama to blather at everyone around her. One of her friends is a prostitute, thief, and addict who has ripped her off in the past, but she still associates with this woman. The last man she got involved with was a convicted sex offender, rapist, child molester, and outright psychopath.
I have to wonder if she doesn't seek such people out for the sake of the drama they provide her with.
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I don't want to be her age, ever, with the cops at my house once a week, you know?
