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Old 01-30-2013, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Austin
1,663 posts, read 3,078,480 times
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Quote:
Better no friends as bad or fake or superficial "friends".
I agree. I had only one friend in high school until he tried to screw up my life so I walked away. Haven't had any friends since then but hey, I stayed out of jail he didn't!
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:19 PM
 
5,280 posts, read 3,487,044 times
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I think it's as simple as asking whether you feel lonely or a void from not having friends. If the answer is "no," then I don't see a problem. The simple fact is that the world is comprised mostly of extroverted people who do feel lonely if they lack friends. They tend to assume everyone else should have that same need, which creates an atmosphere in which people who do not want friends are seen as outcasts.

It's probably important to differentiate not having friends with not socializing. Those are two completely different things. I would submit that all humans need to socialize. I do not believe that all humans need friends.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,412 posts, read 8,111,602 times
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I don't have friends really. I do have a boyfriend though. I consider him & my mother my bst friends. I don't have friends due to not trusting people or people disappointing me. I just don't have an outgoing personality, yet I'm the sweetest person once you get to know me, but no one gets to know me well. Everyone I come into contact with, it's alwys in passing & i'm talking about work people because work is the only place I go to on a regular basis. Here's the main reasons I don't have friends:

introverted + don't go out + few people I come in contact with already has their own friends = no friends
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:21 PM
 
294 posts, read 371,630 times
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I wouldn't say it's weird and I wouldn't judge someone for not having friends. But friendship can be very satisfying and among the best things to experience in life. I say this as someone who does not make friends easily and find it difficult to get close to others. Once in a while you meet someone you really click with and it's a wonderful thing. Don't get discouraged if it seems like you have nothing in common with most people. Sometimes I'm really surprised by how much I have in common with someone I meet on a plane or some other random place.
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:13 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,452 posts, read 11,372,904 times
Reputation: 12302
It's not weird that some people don't want friends, but I do find the attitudes some people hold toward friendship a little weird.

Friendships do not have to be emotional investments. They are a different level of connection. That is, friendly but essentially lighter and a bit detached. You share a little, wait and see if they share back, and if they do you share more, etc. You can share activities, conversations, and hobbies, but that doesn't mean you owe them anything more than companionship.

The problem arises when someone doesn't have a lover to emotionally mesh with; then friendship takes on a much heavier-than-intended role and people make big emotional investments in friends. To warrant such a deep level, there would have to be many shared areas of life, and the people would have to know each others through thick and thin for years.
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Old 01-30-2013, 11:55 PM
 
Location: The back alleys of Hong Kong and sometimes Brussels, Belgium
242 posts, read 222,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead360 View Post
I've made threads about this before, mostly about being a loner or not trusting people. But I wanted to ask another question about the subject of "not considering others as friends or getting too close". Naturally, I'm distrustful towards most people, I've been disappointed so many times by people I considered my friend, and usually it makes me mad when people aren't honest with me. This isn't a pity post, last night I had a long conversation with my Mom about "not going out" and "making friends" like my brother does. I told her I don't go out, since I'm normally antisocial ( I can have a conversation, I can joke with people and usually I'm calm) but I don't because I'm tired of dealing with people. I have people text me (usually when they need something, like advice) but I started to not want to talk to anyone. I deleted most of everyone's numbers from my phone, ( I can recognize their number though). But I'm at the point where I keep my distance from most people. I don't stay home all day though, I go to school, (getting my degree at the end of the year and I plan on starting my care graduate).

My mom tells me she's worried that I don't socialize often, and wants me to join a program for people who have a hard time socializing ( I won't be going because I can socialize, I choose not to when it's not needed and it's a distraction from my college plans.

That being said, is it weird that I prefer being a loner? I'm tired of dealing with fake people and I'd rather focus on my education and getting into my career.
I don't think it's weird. I can relate to your story. I have come to beleive that the only people with friends are users. Nobody seems to truly be there for other people, or they are too busy to treat other people like a real friend.
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Old 01-31-2013, 11:02 AM
 
1,003 posts, read 1,325,482 times
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I don't think this is weird either. I've allowed some awful acquaintances into my life in the past few months. I've decided to start clipping em out. The past two weekends, I've had more fun going out by myself than with hanger-on's as I like to call em'. I think it's more socially dysfunctional to need people to do everything with than doing your own thing!
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Old 01-31-2013, 11:06 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
13,344 posts, read 17,340,892 times
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I don't think it's weird because I'm wired that way myself. I'm not anti-social, I like being around people
but, for the most part, I don't feel lonely when I'm by myself.
I don't have alot of friends but the ones I do have I consider them my family. We don't talk on a daily/weekly basis but we bond readily when we get together.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Northern CA
12,770 posts, read 9,813,731 times
Reputation: 4243
Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead360 View Post
I've made threads about this before, mostly about being a loner or not trusting people. But I wanted to ask another question about the subject of "not considering others as friends or getting too close". Naturally, I'm distrustful towards most people, I've been disappointed so many times by people I considered my friend, and usually it makes me mad when people aren't honest with me. This isn't a pity post, last night I had a long conversation with my Mom about "not going out" and "making friends" like my brother does. I told her I don't go out, since I'm normally antisocial ( I can have a conversation, I can joke with people and usually I'm calm) but I don't because I'm tired of dealing with people. I have people text me (usually when they need something, like advice) but I started to not want to talk to anyone. I deleted most of everyone's numbers from my phone, ( I can recognize their number though). But I'm at the point where I keep my distance from most people. I don't stay home all day though, I go to school, (getting my degree at the end of the year and I plan on starting my care graduate).

My mom tells me she's worried that I don't socialize often, and wants me to join a program for people who have a hard time socializing ( I won't be going because I can socialize, I choose not to when it's not needed and it's a distraction from my college plans.

That being said, is it weird that I prefer being a loner? I'm tired of dealing with fake people and I'd rather focus on my education and getting into my career.
I think you sound extremely bright for a young person. It took me a long time to figure out what you already know, most people cannot be trusted. I also think you are wise to concentrate on a good education and a career. People will come and go from your life and you will find those that you choose to befriend. Be picky, there's nothing wrong with that.
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Old 01-31-2013, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Northern CA
12,770 posts, read 9,813,731 times
Reputation: 4243
Quote:
Originally Posted by cometclear View Post
I think it's as simple as asking whether you feel lonely or a void from not having friends. If the answer is "no," then I don't see a problem. The simple fact is that the world is comprised mostly of extroverted people who do feel lonely if they lack friends. They tend to assume everyone else should have that same need, which creates an atmosphere in which people who do not want friends are seen as outcasts.

It's probably important to differentiate not having friends with not socializing. Those are two completely different things. I would submit that all humans need to socialize. I do not believe that all humans need friends.
Very well said!!!! When people meet me, I am very friendly and outgoing. I do like talking to people, but then I disengage and go home.
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