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Old 02-02-2013, 12:06 AM
 
Location: Northern CA
12,770 posts, read 9,809,077 times
Reputation: 4243

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[quote=dsrbubba;28054724]It is unfortunate that Claudhopper felt that the response to you had to contain a rude comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by claudhopper View Post
"God help you if you ever have any really important decisions to deal with." Considering that you already stated that you are shy, you didn't need or deserve that. You are just trying to be friendly in a very hard world. I hope that it works out and that you gain a good neighbor and friend.
yes I was rude, and you've invited me to express my reasoning. People start threads here for help with real problems, not something as ridiculous as this. Even though I found the quandry to be absurd, I did try to be helpful. That's more than you can say. You even screwed up the quotes, bubba.
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Old 02-02-2013, 12:21 AM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,480 posts, read 14,904,781 times
Reputation: 19530
[quote=claudhopper;28056456]
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsrbubba View Post
It is unfortunate that Claudhopper felt that the response to you had to contain a rude comment.

yes I was rude, and you've invited me to express my reasoning. People start threads here for help with real problems, not something as ridiculous as this. Even though I found the quandry to be absurd, I did try to be helpful. That's more than you can say. You even screwed up the quotes, bubba.

damn dude..go smoke a doobie or take a happy pill...........you seem bitter bout something.
Hope you have a great weekend.
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Old 02-02-2013, 12:24 AM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,480 posts, read 14,904,781 times
Reputation: 19530
To the OP----the situation will present itself. Next time you're both outside just walk over and say hi, I'm ______ and have been meaning to introduce myself. How are you enjoying living here? Etc,Etc,........
I wouldn't offer any homemade goodies though. That's just me......I'm weird bout eating anyone's food except my own
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Old 02-02-2013, 05:57 AM
 
Location: So Ca
15,623 posts, read 14,886,129 times
Reputation: 13545
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Just walk over and say, "You know. I feel bad. We've kept meaning to come over and introduce ourselves, and haven't done so."
This is the perfect response, IMHO. And I really do think that it's up to the existing neighbors to make an effort to greet new neighbors. Yes, times have changed since The Welcome Wagon used to pull up at our doorsteps (I'm dating myself) but it really does make a difference to a new neighbor when someone makes an effort simply to introduce themselves.

Years ago when we moved into a new neighborhood, we decided to have a drop-in event to meet a few neighbors. I couldn't believe how many people came, and how many of them--who'd lived in the neighborhood for years--didn't know very many of their neighbors. One man said, "Bless you for doing this." A very different society than the one we grew up in, when it seemed as if everyone on the block knew each other by name.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:07 AM
 
3,758 posts, read 10,596,841 times
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Well - it realy is a totally different society though.

Growing up in the '70s, my parents knew everyone within perhaps 10 homes of them, and many others further down into the neighborhood as well. As I got older and my walks went further, since I was allowed to politely introduce myself to anyone who had a dog (to find out if I could pet it) -- I met most of the neighborhood by the time I was 10.

However, cable hadn't really taken off. Video games were still in their infancy. Their was no facebook or texting.

And most people still only had window air conditioners that they ran at night (in the bedrooms) ---- the rest of the time the front door was open, with the screen in, or they were sitting on the front porch.

And people sat on the front porch. I'm not talking about the city (on the stoop), or the South. I"m talking about suburbs of Detroit in the '70s. People sat on the front porch and people who walked by said, "Hello, Nice evening", or something similar.


Everyone lives a much more inward life today (or seems to) - where they may interact digitally (text/facebook/skype) with their existing friends all over the world, but they do very little to meet anyone new - even people who live next door.


The world has definitely changed.


We lived here for 5 years (new community), and the person who's house was finished 3 months after ours (kitty corner to us) - we'd never spoken to. We knew he was a salesperson, because the person selling us the house told us that and his name.

So one morning after a particularly bad storm, we'd noticed some damage to his home, and he was outside - getting his mail - and I went over and said "Hi, you must be X, I'm Y, -- just so you know -- you're missing some shingles..."

But until that moment, we'd never had a reason to actually talk. We haven't talked since then (he's gone alot), but there's nothing unfriendly about it - he's just a very busy guy, and we're busy, and we're living different lives.

If we had something in common, we'd probably make an effort to be more friendly, but just having geography in common doesn't mean you'll automatically become "friends" instead of just acquaintances.


anyway -- OP - don't sweat it. You're fine, they're not judging you, and when an opportunity comes (or the weather is good and you make an opportunity) - you'll say, "Hi!! I'm X, nice to meet you!!"
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Pure Michigan!
4,334 posts, read 7,386,231 times
Reputation: 6751
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Not trying to presume on your situation here, but some folks are just more outgoing and friendly than others. A lot of that is regional, too. You can live someplace in Northern VA for decades and never know your neighbors. In some regions it's expected to know them all, and weird if you don't. I just moved into a house, the first one we've actually purchased, and no one has waved, or smiled, or introduced themselves or anything. The old folks who lived there before knew everybody. We've been there since early November with not a peep from any neighbor.

I sometimes wonder if we've been judged by these people...the first night we moved, my husband had some Army guy friends over to help and he got them drunk afterwards ("payment in beer") and they were sitting in the garage smoking cigs, laughing and talking. I found it annoying, being a non-drinker, but don't know if my neighbors formed an opinion based on that. Oh well.

Then again, in this state it is assumed that everyone has a dog, so maybe they are all waiting for me to walk ours (which we don't have) to find the chance to strike up a conversation? lol I dunno.
We had the exact same situation when we relocated to Phoenix from Michigan a couple of years ago. We moved into a subdivision and with the exception of one friendly lady across the street, no one would even make eye contact, much less speak to us. It was a very nice neighborhood, and we used ABF to move, so maybe they saw us unloading our own moving truck and thought we were trash, who knows? I did speak to a native at one point who told me that that is just how it is in Phoenix, that it is a very transient city and people don't bother to invest in relationships with their neighbors much because of that. I think it's more of a general societal issue, and I wouldn't label Phoenix because of it, because we did meet some very nice people through church, work, etc. before we came back to Michigan.

When I was a kid growing up in the '70s in a small town in NW Ohio, it was just understood that you knew everyone on your block. In fact, it would have been odd if we wouldn't have been able to place a name on every house within a five block radius. I think it was a combination of living in a small town and people being, in general, friendly and more trusting back then.

Thanks again to those of you who responded with kind, helpful answers. It may not seem like anything to some people, but I try to care about others and be the kind of neighbor that I would like to have, and I felt that I fell short of that in this case.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:21 AM
 
4,549 posts, read 9,725,122 times
Reputation: 3872
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Not trying to presume on your situation here, but some folks are just more outgoing and friendly than others. A lot of that is regional, too. You can live someplace in Northern VA for decades and never know your neighbors. In some regions it's expected to know them all, and weird if you don't. I just moved into a house, the first one we've actually purchased, and no one has waved, or smiled, or introduced themselves or anything. The old folks who lived there before knew everybody. We've been there since early November with not a peep from any neighbor.

I sometimes wonder if we've been judged by these people...the first night we moved, my husband had some Army guy friends over to help and he got them drunk afterwards ("payment in beer") and they were sitting in the garage smoking cigs, laughing and talking. I found it annoying, being a non-drinker, but don't know if my neighbors formed an opinion based on that. Oh well.

Then again, in this state it is assumed that everyone has a dog, so maybe they are all waiting for me to walk ours (which we don't have) to find the chance to strike up a conversation? lol I dunno.
Might be time of year as well. We are very, very close to our neighbor on one side - she is like a mother to us. But once November or so hits we rarely, rarely see her until spring.

As far as the other, COS has a bit of that extreme conservative rep, so it's possible the after move in party did not help. Maybe you can borrow a dog, lol!
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:37 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,393,730 times
Reputation: 19624
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
"Hi! We've been passing each other around the neighborhood and waving for a while, so I thought I would come over and introduce myself. I'm Jane." and take it from there.
I was thinking this exactly.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:42 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,393,730 times
Reputation: 19624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Not trying to presume on your situation here, but some folks are just more outgoing and friendly than others. A lot of that is regional, too. You can live someplace in Northern VA for decades and never know your neighbors. In some regions it's expected to know them all, and weird if you don't. I just moved into a house, the first one we've actually purchased, and no one has waved, or smiled, or introduced themselves or anything. The old folks who lived there before knew everybody. We've been there since early November with not a peep from any neighbor.

I sometimes wonder if we've been judged by these people...the first night we moved, my husband had some Army guy friends over to help and he got them drunk afterwards ("payment in beer") and they were sitting in the garage smoking cigs, laughing and talking. I found it annoying, being a non-drinker, but don't know if my neighbors formed an opinion based on that. Oh well.

Then again, in this state it is assumed that everyone has a dog, so maybe they are all waiting for me to walk ours (which we don't have) to find the chance to strike up a conversation? lol I dunno.
I moved to Northern Virginia a little over a year ago and I do not know a single one of my neighbors! I have always known my neighbors!!!

I have seen several more elderly neighbors that I would love to introduce myself too but I am afraid of the reception. I am very outgoing and friendly so this is just strange for me.

I meet tons of people at starbucks. It's like a party starts every time I walk in! So, at least I get to talk to people.

I HAD to meet my neighbors to the left of us, because they when they were spray painting some things in their yard the overspray got all over my jeep. =/
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:48 AM
 
863 posts, read 1,061,478 times
Reputation: 825
Quote:
Originally Posted by canudigit View Post
Basically, we have a neighbor across the street that we never introduced ourselves to when she moved in almost a year ago. She never came over to say hi either, so at this point, we have never actually spoken, just waved if we happened to pass each other in our cars in the street. We live in a subdivision that is only partially finished, so there are empty lots on either side of both of our houses and our houses directly face each other. This is so awkward, and I know that it will be more so when the weather gets warm again and we are outside more. I feel like it would be very strange, after almost a year, to go over and say "Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!", and I know I should have gone over right away when she moved in, but how do I go about meeting this neighbor now that almost a year has passed without looking like a real jerk? It's just too awkward for things to continue like they are now. I don't want to be her best friend or anything, but I feel like I need to at least speak to her. I feel embarrassed that we didn't go over right away when she moved in, but I'm basically very shy and just kept putting it off...for almost a year!

Help!
Just do it.
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