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Old 02-06-2013, 08:59 PM
 
4,267 posts, read 5,301,122 times
Reputation: 3579

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First of all, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Guilt is a very common reaction to a friend or family members' suicide. You were not responsible for your cousins unfortunate action to end his life. Please do go to your cousin's funeral.

ETA: I wanted to add some links on suicide and survivor guilt. I have lost friends to suicide and even without seeing them in the months prior to their suicide, I still felt a lot of guilt. It's a very common reaction. Even without your comment you would likely feel it.

http://www.connect.legacy.com/profil...the-guilt-of-a
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...D046EEA69C0067
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:39 PM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,480 posts, read 14,922,138 times
Reputation: 19530
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Well, I don't think you need berating - obviously, you are kicking yourself for your attempt at humor.

You had nothing to do with your cousin's suicide.

Your family may remember you said this (has anyone mentioned it???) but I would be surprised if anyone mentioned it or in any way connected that statement to your cousin's death.

If anyone mentions it to you, you should explain that it is a horrible feeling being out of work and not seeing a future and you were trying to relay how hopeless that could feel but it came out all wrong . . . and that you are sorry for saying something in poor taste.

Surely you don't think there is some connection between your saying what you did and your cousin's suicide? That would be quite a powerful thing - to simply make a statement and the other person take it as a directive. In other words - no - that didn't happen.

Your cousin's decision to kill himself was his decision, however misguided, and doubtless occurred after a long struggle with depression, addiction, or some other internal problem.

Go to the funeral. It would be much more conspicuous for you NOT to go.

exactly--this^
Go,grow from this and forgive yourself.
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Old 02-07-2013, 01:36 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,040,880 times
Reputation: 16171
I think you should go. It won't look good to not go, he is your cousin. You can't blame yourself for what he chose to do, but you do need to keep a lid on your dark humor.
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Old 02-07-2013, 01:56 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,604 posts, read 23,166,327 times
Reputation: 48608
I also think that you should go. I agree that funerals are really for the living. You made a comment that was in bad taste. Who among us has not done this in our lives? There is no connection between your cousin's dreath by suicide and your comment. None. Not even if your cousin heard you say this. You are not at fault.

attend the funeral and rejoice in the memory of your cousin's life, and the good times that you shared together.

Ny prayers are with you.
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Old 02-07-2013, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,067 posts, read 12,426,142 times
Reputation: 26042
You actually think that or were you just being stupid? Yea you should go to his funeral and rethink some things.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1,545 posts, read 2,279,775 times
Reputation: 1338
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
You actually think that or were you just being stupid? Yea you should go to his funeral and rethink some things.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I was just thinking out loud. I would have preferred he found a job instead. Not sure how temporary his problem was, he hasn't worked in a few years and his prospects were not good.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:54 AM
 
5,379 posts, read 6,509,260 times
Reputation: 10405
Propriety and manners would say go to the funeral. A chance to grieve with the rest of the family and celebrate and remember a cousin.

Don't mention you comment just offer your thoughts to those in sorrow. If someone says something, just say you are sorry for any grief your comments caused.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
1,476 posts, read 1,505,838 times
Reputation: 1588
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowMotionApocalypse View Post
A few weeks ago a suicide prevention sign went up in our neighborhood and it was a point of discussion among our family. I made some comment about how with high unemployment and dwindling natural resources, people should be encouraged to kill themselves. A few days later my cousin killed himself. His funeral is in a few days and I feel very conspicuous if not necessarily guilty.

Should I go?

Dayum what a coincidence. Yes you should go to pay your respects, but I hope you don't open your flap until you're sure you are sure you want what you say.

I keep saying old people just need to "give up" the ghost because they're taking all the youth's air (joking of course), haven't seen any old people fall dead just youngins, maybe I should rethink what I say hmmmm??
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:32 AM
 
5,849 posts, read 5,691,174 times
Reputation: 5189
do something to balance the bad remark you made.
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,588 posts, read 33,352,298 times
Reputation: 32233
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaybb View Post
Mod cut: Orphaned.
Orphaned.

To the OP, don't let the wrong thing you did stop you from doing the right thing.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-07-2013 at 02:44 PM..
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