Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think they are just overwhelmed and tired and may be doing the best that they can..
Your uncle may be staying at the hospital most of the time and can't make calls..
I have had people mad at me for lack of information when my husband had cancer and
it was hurtful because I was doing the best I could..
I totally agree with this.
My mother had a stroke about five years ago, and it was an awful situation that I hope never to have to repeat. It takes a terrible toll on the family and is indeed overwhelming. My mother started out in the ICU, and within a few days was moved to a regular hospital room. However, by about the fourth day, we had to make an IMMEDIATE decision with regard to the next step - an acute care facility. (I had simply assumed she would stay in the hospital and receive physical therapy.) In total, my mother was away from home for three months.
Please cut your uncle some slack...as Kelly observed, he is probably staying at the hospital, conferring with doctors, etc. I am sure the poor man is going through emotional hell. Your aunt is your uncle's first priority right now. If you can touch base with another relative besides him, do it. I am sure he is under a terrible amount of stress right now and does not need any family "drama".
Last edited by LibraGirl123; 02-16-2013 at 12:29 PM..
I am so sorry about the severity of your aunt's stroke. It must be very difficult for her immediate family, and the idea of a phone (or email) tree is an excellent one.
Someone very close to me experienced a similar stroke during their old age, so I learned quite a bit and will share some of it. The most successful area of recovery of this person was with speech rather than with movement. Expressive speech was extremely limited initially, but came back rapidly and within a month of the stroke, they were able to speak clearly in grammatical sentences of over 15 words, though some word-substitution occurred from time to time. Receptive speech was less affected and was reasonably functional throughout.
How old is your aunt? Stroke recovery is faster and usually more nearly complete for younger people, but still can occur to some degree in the elderly. Ongoing improvement can be seen for two or more years after the stroke, but generally occurs most rapidly during the months immediately following the stroke. It's not unusual for a stroke survivor to experience "plateaus" during their recovery, during which no obvious improvement is seen, but during which the brain is sort of gathering strength in order to continue to heal.
As for your aunt's speech, perhaps using music with her would help - singing is located on the right side of the brain; speech on the left - so it's possible she would still be able to sing both simple songs and words that are difficult for her to say, if her cognition is reasonably intact. Not only can this help with immediate communication, but it also exercises the muscles of the mouth and throat. Her speech therapist may want to make use of this. Listening to music - whatever she likes best - can also be helpful in rewiring the brain, according to some specialists. Encourage your uncle and cousin to sing with her - vocal quality and ability to carry a tune do not matter, it's just a means of helping with communication at this point. They can set other words to familiar tunes: "Do you want to lie down?" can be sung to "Happy birthday to you", etc. (and she can respond, singing "I want to lie down", using the same tune).
It's also possible that your aunt's receptive speech is still pretty much there, so that she understands what is said to her, although she cannot reply at present. Offering her pencil and paper for writing or a board with pictures of everyday things (glass of water, lamp, pillow, etc). she can point to may also be useful to help her make her needs known. Again, a good speech therapist can sort this out, along with any swallowing difficulties. From what you describe, it sounds to me as if her speech may improve considerably with therapy as time passes. If her receptive speech is intact, she should also be able to nod and shake her head in response to simple yes-no questions, and facial expressions and gestures with her good hand can also help with communication.
You may want to inquire about her vision - field vision cuts on the affected side can occur, in which the individual cannot see on the right. This may self-correct, or special glasses may be needed. It should be noted and assessed regularly this early after the stroke, to see if it is present, persisting, or gradually returning to normal vision.
Your aunt's family may already have been told this, but stroke survivors with hemiplegia are more likely to regain the use of an afffected leg than an affected arm. Therapists will assess your aunt and work with her to help her make use of the abilities she has left, as well as to help regain presently lost abilities which may return as the brain does what it can to heal itself.
There are national associations for stroke survivors and family members who will send you and your aunt's immediate family lots of very helpful free information i you contact them (most have websites and 800 numbers). Your public library is also a good source, but make sure you read the latest books, as much more is known about stroke now than was once the case.
Best wishes to your aunt and her immediate family - I hope she will recover as much function as possible. She is blessed to have you in her family. I expect simple, cheerful cards with brief messages would be very welcome now, and if you can offer personal assistance to your relatives in any way, that would also be helpful, as stroke of this kind is so sudden and severe, with no chance for anyone to prepare for it in advance. I hope your family's friends and neighbors are pitching in with casseroles, pet-sitting, etc., to help relieve the immense burden they are now bearing.
Last edited by CraigCreek; 02-16-2013 at 12:42 PM..
My Aunt who lives out West suffered a stroke over a week ago. I found out, through all things from an e-mail in the middle of the night as opposed to a phone call from my Uncle or anyone else. I have been on good terms with them and have regular contact through e-mails, calls and visits. I called the house, her son's cell phone and e-mailed my uncle back and 4 days later-Still nothing. I am at a complete loss why they are ignoring me, to the point of me calling hospitals in the region to see if and where she was admitted. Nothing came up.
His message stated she just suffered a stroke and was in the hospital but her life "was not in danger" (?) and might have to go to a rehab facility to over come several "Disabilities." I have no idea of the severity of them, what the prognosis is-Or if she is even still living. In 2003, My grandmother died, And he called me at work right over a day later after the fact but this is different. I am not sure why they are just not answering. Anyone ever encounter similar situation? How would i go about finding out info on something like this by myself? I guess the last resort is flying out there.
I am not happy with them now, I have no knowledge how she is and It's going on for days.
Okay. I want you to walk into your bathroom right now and repeat this phrase:
"It's not about me all the time."
Has it occurred to you for a minute how chaotic it might be for your aunt's family at the moment? Not only are they camping out at the hospital, but now they're having to figure out where she'll be in rehab. This is heavy stuff, so excuse the hell out of them if they don't immediately pick up the phone and call you.
I mean, isn't there another family member you can call? One who isn't worried sick for his wife's life?
PS: Okay. Now that I read further into the thread, I see things pretty much fell out the way we thought. Namely, your uncle was overwhelmed with taking care of your aunt.
My original advice still is in effect. Quit jumping to the worst possible conclusions at moments like these and making it all about you, namely because your uncle has far, far bigger fish to fry.
Okay. I want you to walk into your bathroom right now and repeat this phrase:
"It's not about me all the time."
Has it occurred to you for a minute how chaotic it might be for your aunt's family at the moment? Not only are they camping out at the hospital, but now they're having to figure out where she'll be in rehab. This is heavy stuff, so excuse the hell out of them if they don't immediately pick up the phone and call you.
I mean, isn't there another family member you can call? One who isn't worried sick for his wife's life?
PS: Okay. Now that I read further into the thread, I see things pretty much fell out the way we thought. Namely, your uncle was overwhelmed with taking care of your aunt.
My original advice still is in effect. Quit jumping to the worst possible conclusions at moments like these and making it all about you, namely because your uncle has far, far bigger fish to fry.
He certainly does. I was thinking what a blow this is having this happen to his wife who he has spent pretty much his whole adult life with. We have regular contact, his son lives at home so it's good that he is there so my Uncle is not alone and his daughter and her extended family are close by as well. Just wished they lived closer, They have always been in a different state somewhere and this is the farthest one of them all.
He certainly does. I was thinking what a blow this is having this happen to his wife who he has spent pretty much his whole adult life with. We have regular contact, his son lives at home so it's good that he is there so my Uncle is not alone and his daughter and her extended family are close by as well. Just wished they lived closer, They have always been in a different state somewhere and this is the farthest one of them all.
Well, it sounds like they and their immediate family are close. Maybe you could move near them, since you are the one left in NYC.
Thanks again all. My Aunt is out of intensive care, And as soon as she is strong enough she will be moved to a rehab facility. Family has been communicating and I am thankful for the good news and all your responses.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
