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Old 02-14-2013, 11:13 AM
 
2,305 posts, read 1,516,073 times
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Apologies are really nothing to me, nor do they really mean anything when I say them. I find that a person can say that they are sorry and never mean it at all. Once I learned this as an early teen, I always make sure the person follows through on their apology. As I said before in another thread, "Actions speak louder than words". If you apologize to me for cranking up your stereo at 11 pm at night, and then in turn do the same thing the very next day, your apology was a complete lie and worthless. There are times when an quick apology has to be done and actions after cannot be seen, like accidentally bumping into a stranger, saying sorry, and then going your own way again. I guess I'm going more towards the people that you're close to - Friends, Family, Co-Workers..
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Old 02-14-2013, 01:32 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,046,730 times
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I would never ask for (and certainly never demand!) an apology.

I don't get easily offended b/c I give the other person the benefit of the doubt. And if I suspect (wh/ is always at some point confirmed) that someone really doesn't give a damn about my feelings, I certainly would not want an apology from them . . . as it would not be sincere (no change in behavior).

The most recent "apology" I received was when my mother told me she was sorry for my being such an idiot that I couldn't understand what she was explaining to me. After a lifetime of that type of "apology" . . . I tend to think people are rarely sorry for their misbehaviors . . . and then there are many incidences when the other person is totally unaware (and had no ill intent) to offend; so I let them completely off the hook. If it happens a second time, that is enough for me to know they are simply someone I do not wish to spend my time with.

Conversely, I have no problem acknowledging when I am wrong and sincerely apologize when something I have said or done offends someone else, even if I think they are being overly sensitive or are looking for a reason to start some drama. My intent was not to upset or offend, so I find it the civil thing to do.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,510,909 times
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Thanks to Minnesconsinite for an interesting topic to ponder. My experience with this pretty much lines up with what anifani821 says (here's an apology, ani: I'm sorry they won't let me rep you again!)

I find myself very quick to apologize and be totally sincere if I find out something I said is incorrect. For instance, if I have misinterpreted someone's actions or acted based on information that turned out to be false. I am less enthusiastic about apologizing when I still believe strongly what offended the other person.

I will apologize if I said that thing in an offensive manner, but I don't think it's necessary to apologize just because someone wishes what I said isn't true. Just to make up an example: if you take offense when I say you spend money recklessly when you have just purchased a car you absolutely cannot afford I would say, "I'm very sorry I commented on something that is none of my business." But I wouldn't want to say, "I'm sorry I said you spend money recklessly," ... because you do!

The apologies that annoy me most are when someone says, "I'm sorry you were offended by that," when I have every reason to be offended because what was said is NOT TRUE. That happens a lot in politics and divorces. People make things up, say them, and when they are proven wrong, that weak statement is their "apology." I'm not going to argue with the apologizer in that case, because it obviously would be wasted breath. They're not sorry and they will continue to lie.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Colorado
4,308 posts, read 11,781,801 times
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I have way more respect for someone who has the guts and decency to sincerely apologise. I have nothing but contempt for people who say, "Apologising is a sign of weakness." No, you nimrod, not apologising is a sign of huge insecurity!
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,464 posts, read 52,470,772 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
I find it very irritating when those who make apologies ASSUME that the other person will accept the apology. It's not their place to decide what the other person should do with the apology. Apologize because you sincerely regret what you have done and don't have any expectation concerning what the other person ought to do about the apology. You might hope to be forgiven, but you have no right to expect it. .
Right! Like they are all like, "Gah! I said I was sorry!"
Like now you are the problem because you won't let it go when they tossed you the bone of a crap-ass apology.
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Old 02-16-2013, 05:02 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,226,706 times
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I don't apologise for something I did that was hurtful if I don't believe I was in the wrong.
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,876 posts, read 2,710,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I don't apologise for something I did that was hurtful if I don't believe I was in the wrong.
Why would you want to do something hurtful?
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:04 AM
 
3,251 posts, read 4,457,780 times
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I love this apology form for the clueless

http://assets4.pinimg.com/upload/349...2_K2HDzDy3.jpg
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:09 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I don't apologise for something I did that was hurtful if I don't believe I was in the wrong.
If it is hurtful, then it is wrong.

Apologizing without reservations for doing something wrong is the mark of a mature and ethical adult. It is a sign of strength and of character. I have no use for people who refuse to acknowledge their thoughtlessness and the effect it has on others.
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Old 02-19-2013, 11:29 AM
 
3,251 posts, read 4,457,780 times
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If someone was hurt by something you said then it was hurtful and what you think it was doesn't matter. You owe them an apology.
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