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Old 02-13-2013, 11:35 PM
 
32 posts, read 142,094 times
Reputation: 146

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Hi all,

I just lost my childhood best girlfriend of 10 years who I considered like a sister. She kind of left all of a sudden and has blocked all contact and lives 6 hours away. I don't want to go into any more detail on how she is no longer in my life, but I am now faced with the harsh reality that I am a very lonely person. I am 20 years old and have been with my bf for 5 years. He is truly my best friend and we love each other dearly. He brings out the happiness in me, we share so many of the same hobbies, inside jokes, humor, etc., but I am often wondering if there is something wrong with me because I dont have any friends. I miss having my friend to call and talk about anything. I can do that with my boyfriend but of course he is a bit different because sometimes guys dont like to talk about the same things girls do! And I understand that completely. I mean, I have school acquaintances but they are just that. They are older than me and are already married, have kids, etc., so its hard to connect with them on a close-friend level.

I feel like my days consist of being by myself, going to class, studying, working, and spending time with my sweetie which is when I shine and am the happiest...But when I'm not with him, I feel alone now. This time of my life is very busy but lonely it seems, which is weird because everyone else my age has a ton of friends and a lot of fun.

I have 4 older sisters who have always been close knit, but I only see them maybe every couple weeks. I dont even talk to them everyday, sometimes we'll text every other day or so. I live with my mom because I'm in nursing school right now, so that eases a lot of stress off of me since the nursing program demands so much out of me.

So now I'm left wondering...Is it normal to not have many friends at one point in my life? Do I just need to be patient and let things happen naturally? I feel that I am mourning the loss of my friend so much that I have no hope to find others. But I crave close relationships. Maybe I just need to transition in life and become more independent? I love my bf and he truly is my best friend, and I really am happy, but I am just wondering if its not healthy to be in the situation that I am in. Thank you all for reading.

Last edited by cynnie1993; 02-13-2013 at 11:49 PM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 01:01 AM
 
Location: New Haven, CT
1,033 posts, read 3,399,171 times
Reputation: 901
Sounds pretty normal to me for the most part. your 20 years old, its pretty rare to see someone that age that has been in a relationship for that long. If you didnt have him you probably would have built up your social life a bit. But having friends doesnt always make you feel "complete" they dont wake up with you or feed you when your sick etc.

Theres pros and cons to this situation IMO but im a different person so my views are only mine. It sounds like you have something going good with your BF so thats nice. If you know you have him there should be no reason to feel alone.. Do you guys go out together like to bars and stuff? ( oh yea your under age)

Basically, with this relationship, you are living in a normal adult relationship...your just in college where everyone around you knows hundreds of people. What you describe is pretty much what a couple in their late 20s-30s does. wake up, go to work, get home, eat, sleep, and repeat.

Friends will come and go, but I know what its like to not have someone else that you could talk to about stuff and actually trust.
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Old 02-14-2013, 02:17 AM
 
1,020 posts, read 2,809,012 times
Reputation: 579
your 20, so people around you are either having fun in college or working. and yes, having a mate also prevents you form meeting people and having time to hang out. I personally had about 4 relationships from age 18 to 23, and yes everytime I was in a relationship its much harder to make guy friends, if i meet someone new I cant just do guy stuff with them, and if they have a girlfriend, its much harder for me to hang out with them.

but heres the thing, once you get older, you will understand that not all friends will be trustworthy, and not all friends will talk to you deelply about how you feel. its nice to have someone to talk to, but then again its bad if you have too much friends...
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:08 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Yes. It's unhealthy. The whole best friend, unifriend toxic thing? Well that applies to boyfriends as well.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:20 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,508,068 times
Reputation: 3705
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynnie1993 View Post
Hi all,

I just lost my childhood best girlfriend of 10 years who I considered like a sister. She kind of left all of a sudden and has blocked all contact and lives 6 hours away. I don't want to go into any more detail on how she is no longer in my life, but I am now faced with the harsh reality that I am a very lonely person. I am 20 years old and have been with my bf for 5 years. He is truly my best friend and we love each other dearly. He brings out the happiness in me, we share so many of the same hobbies, inside jokes, humor, etc., but I am often wondering if there is something wrong with me because I dont have any friends. I miss having my friend to call and talk about anything. I can do that with my boyfriend but of course he is a bit different because sometimes guys dont like to talk about the same things girls do! And I understand that completely. I mean, I have school acquaintances but they are just that. They are older than me and are already married, have kids, etc., so its hard to connect with them on a close-friend level.

I feel like my days consist of being by myself, going to class, studying, working, and spending time with my sweetie which is when I shine and am the happiest...But when I'm not with him, I feel alone now. This time of my life is very busy but lonely it seems, which is weird because everyone else my age has a ton of friends and a lot of fun.

I have 4 older sisters who have always been close knit, but I only see them maybe every couple weeks. I dont even talk to them everyday, sometimes we'll text every other day or so. I live with my mom because I'm in nursing school right now, so that eases a lot of stress off of me since the nursing program demands so much out of me.

So now I'm left wondering...Is it normal to not have many friends at one point in my life? Do I just need to be patient and let things happen naturally? I feel that I am mourning the loss of my friend so much that I have no hope to find others. But I crave close relationships. Maybe I just need to transition in life and become more independent? I love my bf and he truly is my best friend, and I really am happy, but I am just wondering if its not healthy to be in the situation that I am in. Thank you all for reading.
This is my life and I spend most of my time with kids, my best friend is my husband and he works out of state 3 weeks at a time, being home only 6 days a month.
I have had several close relationships over the years but became so consumed with being a wife and spending all my time with kids and my husband that all my friends faded away over the years.
Big mistake, now I'm alone most of the time, just me and kids, bored to tears most of the time.
I've had old friends reach out to me through facebook and have gotten together with some but I still don't do much socializing anymore, I'm trying to force myself back into it but when your away from it for so long it can be harder to make friends as you get older.
My advice, make friends now and keep up with the friendships, if anything happens to your boyfriend or he has to leave town for work, you will be very lonely.
You're lucky you have family to keep you company, I only have my kids.
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:41 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,403 posts, read 52,393,689 times
Reputation: 70378
What happened to all your friends you had before all this happened?
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Old 02-14-2013, 04:10 AM
 
Location: OCNJ and or lower Florida keys
772 posts, read 1,622,219 times
Reputation: 787
Go to your local pub/coffeehouse and buy everyone a round/espresso shot and you will make lots of new friends except for the bartender/barista unless you leave them a nice tip. I myself have only a few good friends but plenty of "acquaintances" but I still enjoy time alone I call it "Bigh110" time. Its that time when you don't need to answer to anyone or anything until you feel like it. Please note: This time does not apply when you have kids unless you got a babysitter. I look at it like this: You always have You, Yourself and I. next time you feel all alone be "yourself" and have a conversation with"I" and if you want 2 friends try getting "you" involved in the conversation also. try it really works and will cheer you up in a jiffy. A word of warning:I have noticed that" I" and "You" never get along and Yourself needs to sometimes get involved and referee the conversation.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:30 AM
 
520 posts, read 865,579 times
Reputation: 927
I don't think I'm qualified to tel you whether or not this is healthy, but its sure as hell is normal. I know many people in this age range in similar situations...it may not be ideal, but it certainly doesn't mean there is a major problem with your life that needs to be immediately fixed.

Now, if you find you don't have other friends because your boyfriend forces you to be isolated from them and wants to be the only social presence in your life, that's a sign of abuse and a major problem. But I didn't get the sense that that's the situation you're in.

Not to be a downer, but you're 20, and statistics would say that you will probably not be spending the rest of your life with this person. It will be hard enough if and when things end with him, having no social support system to fall back on could make it almost unbearable. It could pay to get outside your comfort zone and meet some people...but don't force something that doesn't feel right- no friends is better than bad friends any day of the week.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:17 AM
 
3,239 posts, read 4,450,269 times
Reputation: 4880
Actually I think this is normal. We all shed our friends as we grow up and grow apart. You didn't want to discuss why your friend left but that is part of growing apart. Our direction changes, and so do our friends. In previous generations it wasn't uncommon to have your boyfriend/spouse and be focused on that. I did, and mine is still going strong decades later. I would say I made my closet friends at church and have a small strong group even though we haven't gone to the same church for many many years now. I know most younger people won't agree and feel focusing on yourself is the answer. You seem to have your school/career planned well and I wish you success with that.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,823 posts, read 6,346,018 times
Reputation: 4885
Only if he is against you having friends other than his is it wrong. If you feel you are being bullied, bossed by him in how to live and who to have contact with, is it bad.
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