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Old 02-14-2013, 07:57 PM
 
1,020 posts, read 2,812,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lerner View Post
This is so far away from being your business its in a different timezone. I find your post intrusive, bizarre, offensive, and I get the impression it would be very difficult to be friends with you. Maybe this comes from a good place, but...you're calling the guy dumb, discussing his private budget information, talking about him like a parent concerned over a troubled child, and can't understand why he doesn't want to be dependent on you and live in your house.

all of his childhood friends that i met through him, they all know that he is not right in the head, and most of them is helping him out since they known him for a long time, and know who he was before he did the hardcore drugs, his brain is almost completely fried, and he tells me to never do those kinds of drugs he did, and he feels slow and out of place many times, and he tells me and admits that, and he disparately wants to recover. I have talked to his childhood friends and they do feel the same way that i am feeling.


difficult to be friends with me? I let him stay at my place many times, and quite a few times he didnt even have a dime on him and he was hungry, and i helped. i can offer a room for him for cheap, but he did chose a bigger house with roommates, and he owes his landlord (childhood friend) lots of money. somehow i feel lucky that if he stayed with me, he would of owed me tons of money by now.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:01 PM
 
3,251 posts, read 4,457,780 times
Reputation: 4896
Well you are a good friend to care. Not much you can do though if he can't see and think straight. You will probably have many such occasions to help him through life. There are people like this, I know several. Help when you can, don't help if you can't and don't feel guilty, there will be others to help.
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Old 02-16-2013, 04:29 PM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,599,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by civic94 View Post
well its a bit complicated. if you'd met him you would understand how his IQ is, he did hardcore drugs in the past (clean for 5 years now), and then how nice of a guy he is. but yes, if he gets homeless I feel that he is not smart enough to get out of it. I know about meeting better people, but i met him at a point in my life where I was having a hard time, my mother got breast cancer, and he was there to have fun times with me, since all my other friends are working or getting married (I'm 26). I got some time to talk to my friends about how i feel, but it was never face to face, 1 on 1. He was unemployed at that time and so was me, so we spent lots of time together at each others's places, sleep over's (not same bed, we're straight) its cheap as we cooked and drank cheap beer. we hunged out about 30 hours a week. we both have jobs now but his thinking is not there, its just the human side of me comes into play.



I know I will not get my money back, thats why I cant lend anymore to him.
He sounds like he has been a good friend. Some people just want their space, like he said. It is best that you just be his friend, and not keep telling him how to run his life. That sometimes makes people want to spend less time with those folks.
Just be his friend, not his mother.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,412 posts, read 8,115,253 times
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OP, he's very blessed to have a friend like you. Are you sure you're positive you want this guy in your house? He doesn't make wise choices due to his low intelligence, but that's not your fault. Where are his parents or any other relatives? They're the ones who should be helping him out. No, they probably have nothing to do with him is my guess, but you should be trying to contact those people on his behalf to see if they can help him out & explain his situation about how he has no money left over, etc.

Isn't there a low income apt comnplex or two in your area that he can live at? He'll never have squat going like he's going. How old are both of you. What are you going to do, help him forever? You can't. You're going to want to have a wife & kids one day to support.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:55 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
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Helping people like this is totally unrewarding in any sense of the word. If you help him, all he does is come back for more help. And, in truth, you are not helping him at all. You are instead enabling him.

He's obviously never going to change his ways until he has a crisis in his life that forces realization on him.
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Old 02-21-2013, 12:37 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 2,667,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Helping people like this is totally unrewarding in any sense of the word. If you help him, all he does is come back for more help. And, in truth, you are not helping him at all. You are instead enabling him.

He's obviously never going to change his ways until he has a crisis in his life that forces realization on him.
Agreed.

OP,

Your friend is like my step brother. Wasted his money away on drugs and cigarettes. He finally had to move in with my parents so they can help him and help raise his son. My step brother isn't the brightest guy either and with brains fried from all those drug....yeah, I know where you are coming from.

Just don't lend him anymore money. You won't ever see it back, it's not that he doesn't want to pay back, it's that he doesn't have any to pay it back. Best of luck to you and your friend.
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Old 02-21-2013, 01:34 PM
 
136 posts, read 185,622 times
Reputation: 333
Why would you want this guy in your home? Do you need the additional rent money?

He's capable of holding down a job and paying rent. He's ok for now. Let him waste his money. You take care of your self and be a friend but dont preach or parent him.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:33 PM
 
1,020 posts, read 2,812,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calnbs View Post
Agreed.

OP,

Your friend is like my step brother. Wasted his money away on drugs and cigarettes. He finally had to move in with my parents so they can help him and help raise his son. My step brother isn't the brightest guy either and with brains fried from all those drug....yeah, I know where you are coming from.

Just don't lend him anymore money. You won't ever see it back, it's not that he doesn't want to pay back, it's that he doesn't have any to pay it back. Best of luck to you and your friend.
thanks, at least you understand about drugs and brain frying. I stopped helping him about 3 months ago, and right now he is at his friends place owing lots of money. that time, his car was broken down, and he asked me for 500 bucks to tow it and have it fixed, and i said no. now he does not have a car, in all honesty, its a good thing.

He has a part time gig with a sports team, every time the play here (home game), he has work. anyways its a minimum wage job, and after taxes, for 6 hours of work, he nets about 45 bucks for the whole shift. the biggest problem is that parking is 20 bucks, his gas to go there and come back takes about another 15 since he drives a V8 suv and lives far, and food costs 10 (he dont pack his lunch). so for his 6 hour shift and 2 hours to go and come back, he makes nothing. nets $45, spends $45. I did the math for him and drew a picture of it, and he still dont get it, to waste 8 hours of your life, only to get nothing. now at least he takes the bus and can save some money, which is a good thing. I can see how he can spend 5 bucks on the bus, and 10 on food, and keep 30. at least its progress, and im happy for him.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:37 PM
 
1,020 posts, read 2,812,519 times
Reputation: 579
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
OP, he's very blessed to have a friend like you. Are you sure you're positive you want this guy in your house? He doesn't make wise choices due to his low intelligence, but that's not your fault. Where are his parents or any other relatives? They're the ones who should be helping him out. No, they probably have nothing to do with him is my guess, but you should be trying to contact those people on his behalf to see if they can help him out & explain his situation about how he has no money left over, etc.

Isn't there a low income apt comnplex or two in your area that he can live at? He'll never have squat going like he's going. How old are both of you. What are you going to do, help him forever? You can't. You're going to want to have a wife & kids one day to support.
no, now I dont want him in my house, if he did came to my place a while ago, he would owe me thousands by now and i would of probably kicked him out.

and yes, your correct. his parents dont want anything to do with him. it is sad as his brain is completely fried, i think his parents just cant take it much longer, as its been 5 years since he quit the hardcore drugs (im not talking about weed here).
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:19 AM
 
Location: Michigan
365 posts, read 404,731 times
Reputation: 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by civic94 View Post
so he needs to buy them.. I told him now he dont have money to buy food, and he said he will go crazy if he dont smoke, but i told him he will die if he dont eat.
People can live off just water for days; I know sometimes I'm not generally hungry so I just don't eat; This went on for about 3-4 days once. Often times happens at least once a year. It's not healthy but I'm not just going to shove my face with food unless I'm hungry. That's just how it works with me. Him on the other hand. He's saying he needs.... to buy smokes. No one in this world needs to buy them. The reason he's going crazy is cause of them Would be my bet. He has a lot of added stress just cause he's an idiot<3 you btw.... But he really is. It's your own room why would it matter how big it is. His living habits must be horrible with no money. I know mine would be.
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