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Old 02-23-2013, 10:44 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,490,480 times
Reputation: 22275

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
If the hair is cut they can't magically grow it back because you say the haircut sucks. So what's the point in making a derogatory remark about it? It's rude and it's none of your business. If the person loses the respect of friends because of something as trivial as his haircut, I'd say no great loss.
I don't think it does anyone a favor to compliment something you really think is awful. You can just not say anything but if they come out and ask, you can be honest and say you liked the way they had it before better.

Sometimes it's just what you don't say. If your wife or girlfriend asks you if the pants she's wearing make her look fat, you can honestly say "No", and think to yourself that it really isn't the pants, it's that she is getting fat, just don't say that part out loud or mention that it might be time she get back on the treadmill.
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Old 02-23-2013, 11:08 AM
 
26,579 posts, read 52,073,429 times
Reputation: 20358
I've run into the shoot the messenger syndrome at work...

I'm often asked to come up with rough budget numbers to implement changes or programs... several times it has come back that my numbers were ridiculously high so it would kill the project.

My numbers are extremely spot on... the only time they are off is when the project has changed... either lots of add ons or in a few cases... scaled back.

The old CEO relied heavily on my input... the new interim Director not so much.

Until a person has real world experience in the cost of compliance, local, State and Federal... most have no idea how costly even a simply change like increasing on-site storage capacity of Fuel Oils or the requirements for proper storage and handling of hazardous materials...
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Old 02-23-2013, 11:16 AM
 
1,179 posts, read 1,303,247 times
Reputation: 822
There is no reason to verbalize every, or even most of the ideas that pop into your head.
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Old 02-23-2013, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,869 posts, read 2,707,628 times
Reputation: 5058
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I don't think it does anyone a favor to compliment something you really think is awful.
Of course not! Where in my post did I say that the haircut should be complimented?
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:05 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,222 posts, read 39,759,578 times
Reputation: 41684
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I am in a deadline-driven business myself. And I am known as a guy who meets his obligations, even if it means pulling an all-nighter to do it.

That being said, I never allow someone to dictate a deadline to me and make it my problem. In that sense, shooting straight is always a good idea. For example, I am working on a crash project right now with a March 1st deadline. As I told my client, "If all goes according to plan, we'll make this deadline. But that means you have to do your part. I need approvals on the same day. When I need information or files, I need them posthaste. Not hitting these deadlines means I won't hit yours."

Then it doesn't become my problem. It becomes our problem. It's really all about managing the expectations of others. Sometimes it requires a little diplomacy, but it's really the best way to ensure that everybody understands his or her role in matters.
This makes sense, but you have more control, in the sense that you work for yourself and have laid out requirements to make said deadlines.

I work for a company that is essentially a contracting company. We do a lot of work for large companies that do work for the US government. Let me tell you there is a lot of red tape and dysfunction in some of these companies.

We come in as contractors and are stuck in the middle of some really screwed up dynamics, it feels like the most dysfunctional family you'd ever wanna meet.

Right hand doesn't know what left hand is doing and is just complete and utter chaos, I could rant on and on and on...

The point is sometimes there can be a tons of pieces that have to come together for things to go together. Someone else mentioned earlier about bosses don't want to hear complaints, they want solutions.

I call BS on that, I don't complain, I'm a hardcore left brained analytical person, I work in a technical industry and I lay out facts and details. Like I said, if x, y, or z doesn't happen, we won't have a finished product in time.

Management doesn't want to hear it when you lay it out, they just want it done...... I understand to a degree, but what can you do when things that are out of mine or our companies hands don't go as planned......

Hence, why I've been just saying "**** it" yeah, we'll get it done and then when we don't, say x, y, and z again and hopefully they'll get it....

I guess... I don't know what to do anymore, as that way of doing business is just driving me nuts...
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Old 02-26-2013, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,461 posts, read 24,016,511 times
Reputation: 48679
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
Of course not! Where in my post did I say that the haircut should be complimented?
My go-to reaction to an unflattering hair cut is "you got your hair cut!" Shows them that I noticed, but I'm not actually paying them a compliment.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:42 PM
 
Location: NW Philly Burbs
2,431 posts, read 4,596,662 times
Reputation: 3326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vergofa View Post
There is no reason to verbalize every, or even most of the ideas that pop into your head.
I am learning this as I grow older.

The other thing I'm working on -- I don't always have to be right.

Even in instances where I know I am. Like when a coworker insisted that Baltimore was south of Washington DC. I'll express my "opinion" on that once, but after that it's just not worth arguing. I'll let her find it out for herself eventually.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:51 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,189,044 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't know that this applies to you, Chow, since you've always been one of the most level-headed people on this board, but a lot of times people confuse being honest and being real with being tactless and rude. A friend I admire follows the rule of not saying anything unless it's true, helpful, and kind. Sometimes for the good of everyone involved you don't say what you're really thinking, and it's not because you're lying, it's because you just need to grease the wheels a bit and avoid conflict.
Yes. Anyone seen the movie 'The Invention of Lying?' I thought it wasn't plausible because, even in a world where nobody lies, they don't share every single detail of their personal lives and say anything that pops into their head either.
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:45 AM
 
Location: New England
1,132 posts, read 2,058,636 times
Reputation: 1981
Seems like less and less people can handle people being honest with them or an opinion, even when it is said in a non-derogatory way. Sometimes I'll just answer with a white lie, say "sure" or a give very vague answer to whatever they may have asked.

Other times I'll say, "you sure you want me to answer that." . This one usually goes to my SIL, because she constantly asks for advice, but gets real defensive when it doesn't correspond with here ways.
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:58 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,189,044 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by dfour View Post
Seems like less and less people can handle people being honest with them or an opinion, even when it is said in a non-derogatory way. Sometimes I'll just answer with a white lie, say "sure" or a give very vague answer to whatever they may have asked.

Other times I'll say, "you sure you want me to answer that." . This one usually goes to my SIL, because she constantly asks for advice, but gets real defensive when it doesn't correspond with here ways.
Yeah people are so easily offended these days. It's like you can't have a reasoned debate.
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