Do's & Dont's between Best Friends?

[SaveMtns]

[quote=Nice Guy;1818492]Is killing my friendship the only healthy option here?[/color]

Since you're asking...IMO, YES. You are spending WAY too much time with a married woman. Period. This has no prospect of enriching anyone's lives, just the opposite. So...yes - ending it is the only healthy option.

[DC at the Ridge]

You're dancing around an open flame. Both of you. She likes the attention and the knowledge that you're attracted to her. What are you getting out of this situation? It sounds like you have a pattern of putting off commitment until the girl chooses elsewhere, then thinking, oh, there went my chance. Now you get to focus your energies where there isn't ever going to be a chance. You're using this friendship as a place to hide. It's time for both of you to move on. You can still be friends (casual friends--not confidantes), but you need to find a girlfriend, and she needs to grow up and commit herself 100% to her marriage. JMHO.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but what future do you see for both of you if you continue on as you've been going? Will you end up developing deeper feelings for each other and destroying her marriage and hurting her husband? Will you just drift along in this friendship, so that she continues to get what she wants from both you and her husband, but you just become increasingly frustrated? Will you meet the right woman for you one day and ask her to put up with her boyfriend/husband having this sort of friendship on the side? And if she refuses, then what will you do?

DC

[SaveMtns]

Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge

Will you end up developing deeper feelings for each other and destroying her marriage and hurting her husband? DC

True...and have you put yourself in her husband's shoes and tried to imagine how it feels for his wife to have this "friend"??

[songinthewind7]

I'm with the ones that say she's married, time to walk away.

[mesunny_143]

Hi Mr. Unknown,
I read your story, its really very touchy but my suggestion to you is to forget your friend reason is that she is a married girl now & being a friend if you even think about her otherwise its not as your titles name Nice guy.
So Mr.Unknown just forget about her & be a nice guy.

Originally Posted by Nice Guy

Hi Everyone,

My title may sound somewhat weird but from my part i feel that the answer for this may be the solution for my predicament. I am very new to this forum and am not even from the North American continent so my understanding would also be reflected through my culture. I have been through some interesting threads and some very touchy ones too and only hope that all the nice people out here would give me some advice because i have no where else to turn to.

I am in love with my best friend.

If i may give a little background on myself, i'm a guy in his early twenties, i have a very loving & caring family, a job that i love and am paid maybe not the best but well too, have many aspirations in life but one thing where i have always found myself unlucky is in love. Some of my friends have even given me the nickname of 'Good Luck Chuck.' Not that i have had any intimate situations in my past relationships but more like the moment i fall in love with a girl, they shortly happen to meet their soul-mates and go and get married with them.

If i may start with my dilemma, i had been in a bad relationship for three years (which included regular fighting, disappointments, her weird mood swings and i'm right attitude. I was never violent) with a girl who used to be a close friend in the beginning when it started. I took the post-breakup period very hard where she got engaged to someone else dumping me for him. The only reason i was able to get over it and move-on with my life is when i first met my current best friend for the first time. We had met casually but got close to each other in a very short period. By the end of the first month, we started sharing each others secrets which is when i told her about my recent break-up. Somehow the comfort ability and warmth we both felt in each other in such short a period was quite alarming for us. Anyway, she was able to talk me out of the emotional drama and help me to move on. It was the best time i had experienced in three long years. During this time, she got attracted towards me. However she also had a boy friend at this time whom she had met online, never personally coz he lived in a different country. I knew about her attraction towards me because i knew how she used to look at me and all the other symptoms too. She never stopped smiling when she looked at me. At times, she would sub-consciously just smile at me and stare. I was deathly afraid. I had just come out of an excruciating (not exaggerating) relationship. I just couldn't think of getting into another relationship with a friend. By the end of three months, teasingly she would ask me out or always suggest facts that 'We are such good friends. What if we got married?' and always complained that we never really hanged out in malls or for movies. What did i do in return? Changed the topic avoiding to give an answer in fear of the circumstances. I did this at so many occasions and all for the fact that i was too afraid to lose another friend. Still, it was such that we had to spend at least three to four hours daily and that too only talking with each other.

Fast forwarding it, she would talk about me to her boy friend saying how great our friendship had become and voila, the guy just drops-in one day and proposes her for marriage. And.... she said yes. Which is when the lightning struck on me again like most guys and i realized that my friendship with her had developed but not only as best friends but something more. She got married within the next 40 days, never giving me a chance to do anything but just letting her know before the wedding that no matter how much i tried to run away from it, i still did fall in love with her.

She didn't invite me for her wedding and i didn't go. I didn't see her for a month until she came back from her honeymoon. That one month was worse than the break-up from the last time for me. Surprisingly when we met, i was far too happy in meeting her than concerned with the fact that she was married now.

Today we have become best friends. We have had a good share of fights but the making up would be done before the end of the day.
Friends, took me all this time to give you a background on my situation but the big problem right now that I am facing is that, it’s been 13 months since we first met and 9 since her wedding and yet I don’t know what to do and what not to, anymore. There are so many things that I admit I used to do when she wasn’t married like joke, tease, appreciate, play, share, etc. but have reduced now or do it in a limit. She complains all the time that I don’t give her the consideration or the appreciation or the love that I used to as a friend anymore. That she has become more of a house-hold thing these days, which in my defense is not true at all.

The other bigger problem is that, I’m still in love with her. We have definitely become even more closer than before her wedding and now we practically know in and out of each other. When ever she comes close to me and when I still look into her eyes, I still feel like kissing her. Yet, when ever she sits close to me or is whenever close to me, I have never felt aroused. Yet it kills me for the fact to realize in the end of the day, that she goes back to her husband even though she spends more time with me in a day than with him.

The fact is, when I do brave out to appreciate her and give her compliments, it always back-fires. I tell her that it’s her who complains it all the time about me being too careless these days but that just makes it worse. Most of the time, she unknowingly says certain things, that really hurt me a lot. The jealousy when I see her with her husband or even if she’s on the phone with him makes me miserable most of the time. That’s not all, she feels equally jealous even if I so much as look at another girl. Then I have to endure staring looks and taunts. I am so confused these days. I have been able to get over her. I don’t long for her anymore but I still unconditionally love her. She is a very sweet girl and very good at heart. She cares a lot about me and gets on repetitive fights with her husband for defending and supporting me. If anything were to happen to me, then she wouldn’t be able to live through it and it’s the same with me. Yet the fights that we get at between us with me doing something that I’m not supposed to at that moment or not doing something that I was supposed to has really made me frustrated. Sometimes I just feel like telling her that it’s not working out and that we should just be casual friends only.

Finally, if you have lived through this annoyingly long write-up from me, then I would really appreciate if you could give me some suggestions and advice. Otherwise thanks for reading through all this. My last act of desperation.

Nice Guy

[Aylalou]

I wonder if it's frustration because of unfulfilled attraction.