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Old 03-01-2013, 07:42 PM
 
223 posts, read 169,002 times
Reputation: 442

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Erm...it was your choice to have 6 kids spread out so wide.

Who did you think was going to parent them?

I feel very limited sympathy, you obviously chose to have a big family so choices were involved. Educated choices too, it sounds like you had 3 kids to each husband and no multiples.

Did you not figure out how they were caused the first time around?
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,533,030 times
Reputation: 3705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamonds&pearls View Post
Erm...it was your choice to have 6 kids spread out so wide.

Who did you think was going to parent them?

I feel very limited sympathy, you obviously chose to have a big family so choices were involved. Educated choices too, it sounds like you had 3 kids to each husband and no multiples.

Did you not figure out how they were caused the first time around?
Not looking for a lashing, was looking to vent.
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:45 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,587 posts, read 6,819,999 times
Reputation: 9851
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I know, I was crazy, I got remarried and my husband did not have kids, so I had three more, 2 were planned and my beautiful 6 year old baby girl was a surprise.
I'm glad she came along after 4 rowdy boys in a row, another girl was a relief.....so far.
Girls are calmer when they are young, but crazy when they are teens and boys are rowdy as kids and calmer as teens. In my case anyway.
Yes I have found that to be true!!!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:46 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,587 posts, read 6,819,999 times
Reputation: 9851
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Not looking for a lashing, was looking to vent.
Vent away...!
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Old 03-01-2013, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,015 posts, read 17,327,635 times
Reputation: 41281
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
You have someone to leave your kids with while you go on a vacation--- how about the young man who moved home two years ago- he's an adult, he can watch his younger siblings !!!

Let me guess, he's too irresponsible to do anything, too uninterested and the younger kids won't listen to him, etc. etc.???

Lets talk about him first. If he's home, not working or not working enough, if he's not contributing financially to he household, if he's not pulling his weight as far helping out with the yard, the house, etc., they why is he there ? He's there because you enable him and he will be there until you and your hubby stop making his life easy and until you expect him to be an adult.

Give him 90 days to get his act together. In that 90 days, he gets a full time job, sets up payment plan to pay you rent, signs a contract with you to take care of his own laundry, clothes, room cleaning, cooking, work around the house, occasional babysitting , etc. If he's not willing to do that at the end of 90 days, you put his stuff outside and tell him to leave and have a nice life. You created the problem by letting him move back, only you can fix it. You want him to be an adult, you have to treat him like one. Right now, he's permitted to be an extended adolescent.

I totally understand your frustration with the whole experience. You're holding down the fort yourself 75% of the time. That is incredibly hard and stressful. Time to treat yourself. Have a long talk with hubby. It's time you started hiring a sitter for one day a week, or a day and an evening a week, so you can get away from the kids and have some time for yourself. You need to get out with friends or even just have the sitter take the kids out for day so you can do nothing at home, except be alone for a while.

How old are your remaining children ? Are they teens that can be left alone for several hours, toddlers, what ? Depending on their ages, will depend on what you can do. But you have to some how carve out time for yourself. You deserve it.

You can go on vacation once a year. What you need is to develop a relationship with a trusted, hired babysitter. Start checking into bonded nanny services. No your children will not fall apart if you're not there. They'll be fine. You start off with a nanny/babysitter for an afternoon or an evening, then try it for all day. When the time comes to go away, this will be someone they know. Or if any of your children are over 18, can they take of their younger siblings.

You can make this work. Just have to figure out the logistics of it.
Excellent advice.
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Old 03-01-2013, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
7,216 posts, read 12,655,064 times
Reputation: 21945
Sorry, but zero sympathy here. Birth control exists for a reason.

(And even while you are "tired of being a parent," you let your grown son move back home? Is that the 30-year-old? Sheesh.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49 View Post
Wow!! God bless you!!! That's rough!!!
Bless her because she had kid after kid after kid after kid after kid and now is "tired of being a parent"?
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Old 03-01-2013, 08:22 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,034,332 times
Reputation: 5032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamonds&pearls View Post
Erm...it was your choice to have 6 kids spread out so wide.

Who did you think was going to parent them?

I feel very limited sympathy, you obviously chose to have a big family so choices were involved. Educated choices too, it sounds like you had 3 kids to each husband and no multiples.

Did you not figure out how they were caused the first time around?
There was absolutely no need for you to be so snarky to the OP.
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Old 03-01-2013, 08:24 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,034,332 times
Reputation: 5032
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
Sorry, but zero sympathy here. Birth control exists for a reason.

(And even while you are "tired of being a parent," you let your grown son move back home? Is that the 30-year-old? Sheesh.)



Bless her because she had kid after kid after kid after kid after kid and now is "tired of being a parent"?
Again, no reason whatsoever to be so unkind and judgmental about the OP. If you were a parent, maybe you are, may you are not, you would understand what a VENT is.
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Old 03-01-2013, 09:41 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,898 posts, read 2,724,456 times
Reputation: 5079
I suspect that the fact you only see your husband for one week every month has to be part of the reason you're feeling tired of the parent role. It must be hard to maintain that relationship when you do see him, with the children always around, and him also trying to maintain his relationship with them in that short time every month.
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Old 03-01-2013, 09:45 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,518,479 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I think I have gotten to the point where I am just plain burnt out. I've been a parent for almost 31 years and I never get a break. I can't do anything without kids, we don't have relatives to leave the kids with, my husband and I would like to take a trip by ourselves maybe once a year, but that isn't possible.
I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel so stressed from kids fighting and mess making and never ending kids shows.
My husband works out of state 3 weeks a month so that doesn't help and I have a grown son who moved home 2 years ago who seems to never want to get his $hit together and move out.
Somedays I feel like screaming!
Tell the grown son he has a deadline after which he either moves out or starts paying rent and part of the utilities.

As for the minors, if you and your husband can't get away, send them to camp. It doesn't have to be ritzy or fancy. 4-H will do.
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